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somebody pls help me there’s a gigantic fucking spider in my room and it’s 2:30am and i just wanna fucking sleep
update: his name is timothy, and i just realized he’s slowly backing into the corner and onto the ceiling. i am now homeless.
another update: I’ve decided that i cannot face this monstrosity, so im sleeping with him tonight. goodnight everyone
last update: i just woke up, and this tweet exploded a bit 
good morning everyone!! Timothy disappeared and now I don’t know where he is 
what a great way to start the day
good morning everyone!! Timothy disappeared and now I don’t know where he is what a great way to start the day
before y’all laugh in the replies, pls let me just say our oceans are dying, stop using plastic, dont litter, use the proper sunscreen, and guaranteed, this spider will not haunt your in your sleep!!
SO APPARENTLY THIS THING IS POISONOUS AND I JUST SLEPT WITH IT LAST NIGHT OHMYGOD WHAT THE FUCK
I posted this on my ig stories and everyone’s just like “oh nice ... lol” but everyone in this bird app is freaking out 
u guys r my people
u guys r my people
currently doing a search in my room because i am NOT sleeping with Timothy in there again 
update: i did not
https://twitter.com/yeossluv/status/1146223681959596033?s=21
https://twitter.com/yeossluv/status/1146223681959596033?s=21
JSJSJSJSJ FOR EVERYONE ASKING IM NOT AUSTRALIAN, IM FILIPINO man, yall must have seen some really traumatizing shit from there https://twitter.com/bt25_/status/1146236218666913792?s=21
man, yall must have seen some really traumatizing shit from there https://twitter.com/bt25_/status/1146236218666913792?s=21
to everyone I’ve offended in tweeting this, I’m so sorry!! i should have put a tw, that’s on me. i just wanted to share what i felt about timothy, I promise ᵇᵘᵗ ⁱ ˢᵗⁱˡˡ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ’ᵗ ᶠᵒᵘⁿᵈ ʰⁱᵐ ˢᵒ visit the Philippines!!! 
we have nice spiders
ᵇᵘᵗ ⁱ ˢᵗⁱˡˡ ʰᵃᵛᵉⁿ’ᵗ ᶠᵒᵘⁿᵈ ʰⁱᵐ ˢᵒ visit the Philippines!!! we have nice spiders
im not even kidding, I physically CANT enter my room anymore.
so i finally found the balls to go back in 
i searched everywhere except for the parts Timothy might be hiding in and could easily attack my face when he sees me KSJSJSJJJSAKSJAK
i searched everywhere except for the parts Timothy might be hiding in and could easily attack my face when he sees me KSJSJSJJJSAKSJAK
people are treating me like a superhero iM NOT IM JUST AN IDIOT SANDWICH
honestly how can timothy even hide he’s fucking humongous
ALRIGHT THATS IT IM CHECKING CCTV THERES NO WAY IM SLEEPING IN THAT ROOM AGAIN
where are you ya sick son of a bitch 
GUYS OMSHDKSBJS PLEASE TELL ME YALL SEE THIS THOSE ARE TIMOTHYS FUCKING LEGS OH MY GOD HE COULDNT GET THROUGH THE DOOR
THOSE ARE TIMOTHYS FUCKING LEGS OH MY GOD HE COULDNT GET THROUGH THE DOOR
THIS WAS AT EXACTLY 5:13 IN THE MORNING SJDJJSBSJS OH MY GOD DOES THIS MEAN ITS STILL IN MY ROOM
alright so,,, i never found Timothy, he never left the room. what the hell do i do with this information
i cant call pest control bc my parents think this is vERY NORMAL they say timothy is just a house spider. i think it’s a fucking demon
they say timothy is just a house spider. i think it’s a fucking demon
update: im sleeping with Timothy again because i dont know where the FUCK he is https://twitter.com/mikrojinniee/status/1146207191944142848?s=21
https://twitter.com/mikrojinniee/status/1146207191944142848?s=21
maybe if i turn the aircon up to it’s highest possible temperature, it’ll freeze to death
i actually slept at the foot of my bed last night so it doesn’t somehow fall on my face. anyway im abt to sleep, timmy pls come back so i can kill u
i am BLAMELESS with the fly swatter idea oKAY I THOUGHT IT WIKIHOW WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RELIABLE
I THOUGHT IT WIKIHOW WAS SUPPOSED TO BE RELIABLE
it’s been 24 hourse since i realized timothy left me like a scared little bitch on a one night stand you’ll all be happy to know that he did NOT crawl onto my body and face last night, and i slept like a baby KSNSKABSJNS IN OTHER WORDS I STILL HAVENT FOUND HIM
you’ll all be happy to know that he did NOT crawl onto my body and face last night, and i slept like a baby KSNSKABSJNS IN OTHER WORDS I STILL HAVENT FOUND HIM
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I FOUND TIMOTHY FUCKSHSJBSJSVDJSBSHSH
IM LIVE TWEETING SKABALABSN FUCKING HELL TIMOTHY PLEASE LEAVE IM LITERALLY CRYING IM SHAKING
TIMOTHY I KNOW WE HAD SOMETHING THAT NIGHT BUT PLEASE FUCKING LEAVE MY ROOM YOU NEED TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH
what do i do KSJSKSBSJSN THIS IS SOME DORA AU SHIT JAJSJSJSJSH
here goes
I MISSED FUCKFDGBBBFSAGJN
THIS SLIPPER WORKED OMFGJSJSBD I HURLED IT AT HIM AND HE FELL AND NOW I TRAPPED HIM,,, but i think it’s dead
rip Timothy. It’s been a good 2 days with you 
i hope you find spider heaven
i hope you find spider heaven
WAIT NO ITS STILL ALIVE-
tw// closeup on timothy
why wont he fucking burn
why wont he fucking burn
hE CURLED UP DURING HIS LAST MOMENTS. DO SPIDERS NORMALLY SHRINK OR DID I JUST KILL A TIMOTHY IMPOSTER WHAT THE FUCKSBJSBDJS
should i dissect the corpse to check if i killed the right timothy
,,, well shit
i think i need to end this thread now im just going to have to believe that the spider i killed was timothy AJSKSJKSJS ITS CALLED LIVING IN DENIAL
but if i ever find out that son of a bitch actually survived and went back for me, I’ll update you all about my suffering!!
im just going to have to believe that the spider i killed was timothy AJSKSJKSJS ITS CALLED LIVING IN DENIALbut if i ever find out that son of a bitch actually survived and went back for me, I’ll update you all about my suffering!!
I didn’t expect this tweet to blow up honestly i- thank u for enjoying it, im just happy i made you laugh!! i hope you NEVER get a timothy (unless u stream tonight by jin)
-end-
thank u for enjoying it, im just happy i made you laugh!! i hope you NEVER get a timothy (unless u stream tonight by jin) -end-
