#THREAD:

I have a former student named Stan*. I’ve been sharing his commentary on Facebook for 3 years. Folks think he’s funny. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Gesicht mit rollenden Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit rollenden Augen"> In honor of his recent graduation, I’m going to start positing the stories here. Here’s our very first interaction, 3 years ago. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇🏾" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">

Stan: Ms. Buddington, you like your hair like that?

Me: Yes...why?

Stan: *walks around me, looking at my head*

Me: *confused*

(Exhibit A: https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇🏾" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)"> 2016 Hair)

Stan: *goes into his notebook, scrawls something, rips a paper out and hands it to me, with a number on it*

Me: What is this?

*still confused*

Stan: I want you to see my barber. It& #39;s time for a shape up.
.
.
.
.
Me: What?!

Stan: See...a shape up is when you...

Me: I know what a shape up is. Sit down!

Stan: *walking back to his seat, mumbling* I& #39;m just saying. He& #39;ll line you up right.

During winter break of that year...Stan lost his class text. It’s the second time...

Stan: Ms. Buddington, I lost my book. Can you scan and email the chapters to me?

*looks at email incredulously, this child wants me to scan thirteen chapters*

Me: No, Stan. This is the second time you& #39;ve lost the book. You can ask your mom or dad to pick it up or you can see me after-school, when we get back, to make up the assignment.

Stan: Wow. Ms. Buddington, you& #39;re not married and the holiday is over. You have time.

Me:

Then there was MLK Day and the time he did the quote assignment but didn’t do the quote assignment, at the same time. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🙄" title="Gesicht mit rollenden Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit rollenden Augen">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👇🏾" title="Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)" aria-label="Emoji: Rückhand Zeigefinger nach unten (durchschnittlich dunkler Hautton)">

#schoolshouldnevergavethememail

& then there was that time a student used a word incorrectly.

Student: I need to detonate my mom.

Stan: Detonate?

Student: Yes.

Stan: I don& #39;t think you& #39;re using the word right. Ms. Buddington, what does detonate mean?

Me: To explode.

Stan: See?!

Student: Be quiet, Stan!

(It was a family tree assignment. He meant interrogate.)

Stan: I’m just trying to help YOU out.
_____________________

That same student decided to argue with another teacher. Stan did not like this.

Student *storming out*: I don& #39;t care what you do! Call my mother!

Stan: We can& #39;t! You detonated her, remember?!

#icant