weird shit i hear at school

“you have to write your names at the top”
“miss can i write theodilopdous”

“can you rap a poem?”
“what type of rap/wrap are you on about? theres different types of raps/wraps”
“well im not gonna make one with ham and cheese am i”

“miss were really high arent we? because earlier i looked up at the trees and they were really tall and were almost the same height”

“i sure do love the smell of burnt”
“well its a good thing it smells like that then”

“if you put the milk in first you have sinned god”

“youll either be jam sandwich or a stretched out sausage”

“the safety pin almost shanked me”

“dont put the safety pin on my chair, i dont want it going up my who ha”
“who calls their arse a who ha, thats what people call a vagina”

“miss the board is blurry”
“where are your glasses”
“in my pocket”

“what causes tropical storms”
“angry karens”

“what causes somerset floods”
“eggs”

“sir can you help me with the d”

“lewis, adam and theo are going down in size order”
“well its good thats the only thing theyre going down on”

“can you peel chocolate?”

“hows your cookie jack”
“its very tender, thanks for asking robster”

“did you know you can get female comdoms”
“yeah i did, kat has loads”
“i thought you were gonna say you have condoms”
“yeah because im a contraception shop arent i”

“i need to get an award from my boss called damien”
“did you just say satans a whore?”

“be right back, i need to check on my meth”

“mr aldous is gonna hunt me down”
“i thought you said hes gonna tie you down and hump you”

“miss why did you take down sexy shrek”

“it was really weird, i had to feed him his dinner and tickle his testicles”

“you could probably slot sonnet 29 in somewhere...oh wait that sounds wrong”

“yeah jack i think you might have a problem with your danglies”
“its not my fault, im not experienced with curtains”

“sir, howd you spell the last part again”
“l u b b e”
“haha lube”

“miss is it true everyones made of protein”
“yeah, it is”
“is sperm made of protein”
“yes sperm is also made of protein”
“so could someone drink sperm to get protein?”
“dont even go there lucas”

“but miss, it looks like a foot and i dont know how to work out the foot”

“whats the difference between sacrificing babies and sacrificing humans?”
“i dont know”
“nothing, i just like sacrificing babies”

“is crack called crack because it comes out of a butt crack”

“its like my legs are made of frogs”

“my alexa told me someone died this morning”
“who died?”
“i think it was obama... oh wait no hes already dead”
“obamas not dead you dumbass”
“OBAMAS NOT DEAD?? I THOUGHT HE DIED YEARS AGO”

“i wanna grow a new foot so i can whack myself on the head”
“where are you gonna grow the foot from?”
“im gonna give birth to it. omg imagine giving birth to 10 babies at once”
“how did we go from feet to babies?”

“miss, fletcher keeps saying rustle means someone called russel and that they are having sexual thoughts about a tree”

“its like clapping but with two people instead of one”

“shut up ella you look like a rats testicle”

people sprayed themselves with air freshener

“fletcher, do you think that gerald is manipulative?”
“no”
“whys that?”
“because of cavemen”

“jack, youre such a whinge pot”
“but im not a pot”

“im beautiful”
“youd be even more beautiful if you sat over here”

“sir help the board rubbers are malting”

“why does my table have aids”

“get on your knees and suck my penis”

“id rather not stick my hand up a horses arsehole”

“my mum has two pet cabbages”

“did you say you stroke baby skeletons in your sleep?”

“itll be like fruit ninja but with heads”

“i have 12 viruses on my phone from pornhub”

“i just deepthroated a brownie, do you think im okay?”

“i dont know how to wash”
“yourself?”
“no, dishes”
“do you know how to run a bath?”
“yes”
“do you know how to test if the bath water is the right temperature?”
“no, i just get in and scream”