so im gonna accidentally kill myself lmao (thread)

i was kinda hangry so to appease the beast that is me. i grabbed an apple, nice right? yeah no, so i ate a bunch, yum yum, and then all of a sudden after another bite there's a rather sharp pain on the side of my mouth

.oh what's this? i seem to HAVE BITTEN MYSELF, and so wow, im bleeding.... yay im bleeding and it hurts, so being the FUCKING GENIUS i am i put salt on it, oowie, fuck fuck it burns

and i go back to eating the apple and sit on my gaming chair at my laptop ready to write this tweet, so i roll my chair closer to the table and- FUCK MY LEG I RAN OVER MY OWN FUCKING LEG CALL 911