Hail to the Chief

nothing but respect for MY president that desperately wants me to feel the suffering of every developer who participated in his foul, delightful creation https://twitter.com/WritNelson/status/1138223089391681537

EAT YOUR HEART OUT, BIOSHOCK INFINITE

OH MY GOSH

KING KONG HAD THE OBLIVION ZOOM-IN BEFORE OBLIVION

This account is a King Kong Zone until further notice

thank you for understanding

...I think Naomi Watts just sacrificed me to the indigenous population of the island to save her own life.

There is a lot of chanting happening and none of it is particularly kind.

OKAY SO IT TURNS OUT WE WERE BOTH CAPTURED AND NAOMI WATT'S CHARACTER WAS JUST TAKEN BY KING KONG INTO THE JUNGLE AND OH DEAR GOSH HE IS MASSIVE AND SCREAMS VERY LOUDLY

PERHAPS I JUDGED TOO SOON

DINOSAURS OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

Do you know what a flaming spear does to a dinosaur?

NOTHING

It is a STICK

I HAVE BEEN HIDING IN THIS LITERAL GRAVE FOR FIVE DAMN MINUTES AND NOW THEY'VE ADDED MILLIPEDES THE SIZE OF TWO MEN STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER LIKE GROTESQUE LEGO BRICKS

JACK BLACK IS SCREAMING FOR HELP

I HAVE NOT EMERGED FROM MY GRAVE

I TRY TO BLOCK OUT HIS CRIES BUT THEY ARE LOUD AND LONG AND ANGUISHED

"JACK," he cries.
"Jack, help me!"

I say nothing.

I have no guns. I'm still limping from the fire temple we just escaped from. A millipede is crawling around the entrance to my grave, taunting me as a dinosaur chews through Jack Black's flesh.

Today, Jack Black dies.

The dinosaur is down!
I threw a spear at its head and it went down!!

okay it got back up again

this is bad

this is very bad

I threw all of my spears, you see

and now they're inside it

and it's running

Really nice to finally see why there aren't difficulty settings in Peter Jackson's King Kong

It's because the true difficulty is being alive

The creator of Rayman made this game.

On that note, I've now seen a giant insect tear through a dinosaur's organs as they compete for the last slice of Jack Black's throat.

when u in a dentist's office and also a cave filled with overgrown crabs hungry for human flesh

Did you know that Peter Jackson's King Jong has an adaptive ecosystem where animals eat each other for sport?

I found out because I finally managed to kill a dinosaur and another, even larger dinosaur, CRASHED THROUGH THE UNDERBRUSH HUNGRY FOR DINNER

a giant bat stole Jack Black

I appreciate the dedication of Jack Black: a man who, immediately after I murder the Mother of All Dragon Bats, throws his own spear in her head, and spends three minutes lining up a shot for the movie he will NEVER MAKE

WHAT ABOUT A "THANK YOU," HUH, JACK BLACK?
A THANK YOU?
FOR KILLING THE DINOSAURS?

NO?

WELL F*CK ME THEN

Jack Black has spent the last three minutes berating me for killing dinosaurs before he can film them, and honestly, I'm thinking about getting a new job at this point.

ME: Ha! Dinosaur parkour is a thing. Hilarious.

ALSO ME: this three-foot gap between platforms will surely protect me

Dear reader:

it did not protect me

BEFORE ASSASSIN'S CREED

King Kong Parkour was a Thing

and it

was good

JACK, PUNY HUMAN: Wheezes every five steps; uses 17 bullets to kill a dinosaur; can only open doors when Jack Black negs him
KING KONG, HANDSOME BACHELOR: Stays fit; opens doors/walls/bar mitzvahs effortlessly; kills 3 dinosaurs with a single backhand; starting a new relationship

TFW King Kong wall-runs through a horde of dragon bats, catches one in mid-air, and slams it into three other giant dinosaurs to save ur bae

TFW you're King Kong and you just wall-ran through a horde of dragon bats, caught one in mid-air, and slammed it into three other giant dinosaurs to save some rando screenwriter's bae

If the goal of King Kong The Game From 2005 was to teach you that King Kong is objectively better than every human being that ever lived: IT WORKED

So it seems King Kong has a rudimentary form of sound propagation??

Your character's voice echoes depending on their surroundings!

I am DELIGHTED to inform you that Jack Black does the Naruto ninja run for the entirety of the game's runtime

Downed NPCs are healed by Ann here, and later, when she's gone, regret her absence!
Throwing a spear at a giant centipede-thingy pins them to the environment!

The combat in here is clumsy and tangled and Very Very Good!!

when you fail lot check and have to resubmit

Anyway enough memes here's me realizing there isn't a sprint button while a giant crab tries to pinch me to death with its Multiple Claw Arms

TFW you crashed your ship into Skull Island are are now about to drop seven thosuand crates of guns and ammunition there via seaplane potentially introducing the indigenous population to modern weaponry and triggering a full-scale collapse of the ecosystem

Before "The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion"
Before "Fallout 3"

There was "Peter Jackson's King Kong: The Official Movie of the Game"

Hey @jaytholen, I know we worked hard on Hypnospace Outlaw, but Peter Jackson's King Kong is the game of the year of 2019.

Sorry bud - it's the law.
:(

[Walking into GameStop]

Me: [chanting] peter jackson's king kong, peter jackson's king kong

Other customers: peter jackson's king kong, PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG

Cashier: [pounding the counter] PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG, PETER JACKSON'S KING KO

King Kong has seamless gameplay transitions that allow you to suplex a dinosaur, so I think it's safe to say I never need to play Final Fantasy VI now.

YOU, A WEE CHILD: Haha, Sabin can suplex a train. Best game ever.
KING KONG, MUSCLES STRAINING, RAISING A T-REX ABOVE HIS NECK BEFORE SNAPPING ITS SPINE OVER HIS KNEE: say what now

BEST
SUPERHERO LANDING
EVER

(This is all player-controlled, BTW)

I cannot believe that there was ever a time that people didn't believe in the studio that gave us KONG PARKOUR

Okay, Peter Jackson's King King officially has one of my favorite bits of clever asset use in any game, EVER.

You step out from behind a corner, and think you see a man with an exposed chest, slick with damage and moisture. Typical environmental storytelling, right?
Well...

...If you get close enough, you realize that isn't quite true.
I don't think the developers of Peter Jackson's King Kong have an 'exposed chest' humanoid model.

So they stuck a body inside a moss-covered rock, and let the wet bit stick out.

Boom! Problem solved.

this game is so good

zzz
　＜⌒／ヽ-､＿
／＜/＿＿＿＿／
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

zzz
　＜⌒／ヽ-､＿
／＜/＿＿＿＿／
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

zzz
　＜⌒／ヽ-､＿
／＜/＿＿＿＿／
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

　　　∧∧
　　 (　･ω･) PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG
　 ＿|　⊃／(＿＿
／　└-(＿＿＿／
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣

OH HEY

GUESS WHO THE HECK WOULD WRITE ABOUT PETER JACKSON'S KING KONG FOR POLYGON IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2019 https://www.polygon.com/2019/7/8/20680953/king-kong-xbox-360-game-rayman-michel-ancel

Buy our cool mech game when it comes out so we don't die!! https://twitter.com/WritNelson/status/1148260515338211329