CAROLINE CALLOWAY - INSTAGRAM TRAINWRECK AND STAR: a thread

Caroline is ONE OF A KIND. She makes some of the worst, messiest content I have ever seen. It entertains me to no end and you all need to know about her too

WHO IS SHE? Caroline is a ~Instagram personality~ from Virginia+New York who gained popularity for making long, story like posts on Instagram

After cheating on her boyfriend and giving up her book deal (more on that later) Caroline switched to the art of Insta stories - 50+ posts a day on stories only.

Because she’s mainly an instastories girl I don’t have ample screenshots to back everything up but hopefully you can trust me because I am not creative enough to make this stuff up

So where did it all begin? Caroline went to fancy rich people private boarding school school in Virginia. she took a bunch of adderall from there on. her parents got MONEY so now she drains their banks professionally

Then Caroline went to Cambridge. this is where her following started to peak. at cambridge, Caroline started the “super long instagram caption” thing which was really popular with her followers

Some people criticize Caroline because she overly romanticized Cambridge and acted like they were living in like Harry Potter and not real life. She also allegedly faked a disability or something to get a cuter dorm

Basically the second she stepped into Cambridge she started dating a guy named Oscar. this is who most of her captions were about and a major source of success

In 2015, Caroline got A BOOK DEAL to write about her boyfriends and her life at Cambridge. She gets 500K, 162k in advance which is a VERY generous and rare for someone who’s never been published

At some point in this timeline between 2014-2016 she cheats on Oscar and keeps dating him. Around Julyish 2017 he either finds out or something and they break up

In 2018 Oscar publicly asks Caroline to stop posting about him and she refuses. She also posted the @ of his new girlfriend bc the new gf was being a bitch and fans attacked the new gf at some point

So anyways, what about that book? Oh yeah, it isn’t happening anymore because Caroline doesn’t like “the concept” anymore. So she broke her contract. And she spent all the money.

then she CHARGES 20 DOLLARS TO READ THE 34 PAGES SHE WROTE. then because she spent all her money, she starts charging 1k+ on INSTA STORY MENTIONS. she doesn’t even have a million followers at any point in this story.

now we’re getting to the greatest part of the thread. THE FYRE FESTIVAL ESQUE CAROLINE CALLOWAY WORLDWIDE TOUR

Caroline went on a “tour” where she bought THOUSANDS of mason jars. she was going to give those out, tea and oat milk, handmade food, and handwritten letters for the low price of 165 a ticket for four hours. no refunds or cancelations thanks!

She had no venues up until the week before. She didn’t want to pay photographers. She showed up late.

no flower crowns! no oat milk! no salads! no handwritten letters! things weren’t going too well for our pal

THEN SHE CANCELS DATES TO HAVE THEM BE IN NEW YORK. THEN SHE CANCELS THE WHOLE TOUR. THEN SHE ASKS FOR MONEY BACK. THEN I SCREAM

all the while, a woman named Kayleigh ( @ceilidhann) makes a big twitter thread about this mess. Caroline in response makes hate t shirts about her to sell

This whole situation doesn’t blow over well. Caroline returns to traditional posts again after a while because she lost money on the tour. She gets mad at different people who write about her

This is where I’m going to veer into the less documented, less concise instastories part. Shes making posts, but most things after the tour occur on instastories without screenshots saved so :(

Caroline goes slightly bonkers. She starts going to therapy (good!), eating off the floor of her apartment (not so good!), and spending over 200 dollars a month on a collective writing space in NY (more on that later)

Caroline justifies how sloppy she is by saying she’s 27. let that sink in. 3 years from 30. 27. Emily Ratajkowski and Louis Tomlinson are 27.

She’s been unemployed her whole life. Somehow, she continues to afford to live in her own apartment on the upper west side of new york. She goes to pilates/the gym. She buys 400+ dollar cardigans in June. She goes to that 200 a month collective space

no I don’t have better quality photos work with me here okay

Earlier this week Caroline talked about how she jumped over a subway turnstile because she couldn’t afford to pay the subway fare. The subway fare is 2.75

When people say “Caroline, why don’t you just not spend 400 dollars on cardigans then” Caroline gets mad because we are “shaming her privilege”

She begs people to buy her merch, venmo her, or do sponsored content. She laments the horror that will happen if she gets a real job. people really do venmo her, too.

She starts selling these..paintings for 40 dollars each. She gifts her friend a leaf with a bow on it

She’s also lately been screenshotting all hate she gets and arguing with those people on her stories

I can and will go on now that I’ll be collecting screenshots but Caroline is a mess and a half. She is very privileged, narcissist, and believes posting stories is art

She is the biggest trainwreck on Instagram and I! LOVE! HER! go follow for endless entertainment

btw shoutout to the lovely people of blogsnark on reddit u are what keeps my week full and my screenshots good xoxo

LMAO @Daylily13_ out here

Art degree

this literal begging for money is gross. she has enough money to spend, not to mention 40 dollars for a basic watercolor by an instagrammer is super high. she could be using this time on her writing or things that actually deserve people’s money. plus tagging her friends..yikes

HER MOM REJECTING HER IS SENDING ME IM DYING

if you spend 80 dollars on a titty painting I implore you to donate to charity or get a new hobby and buy a watercolor set a kohl’s

this exact order of posts is why caroline calloway is the most delusional person alive

I’m so happy this thread is going well. also 9/11 is bad. but I’m happy about the thread

every time I open my instagram there’s something new to snark. every time.

I’m really really curious to see how soon it is until she runs out of followers who have enough money to waste on tit watercolor paintings with sharp pigmented brushstrokes

at least if someone buys these godawful paintings caroline can use the subway 300 times

was excited about taylor swift’s album and then I saw this

can u believe this is how I found taylor’s album name...

girls listen to taylor swift’s new song and start walking different

now can be yours for the low price of fifty!!! dollars!!!

Caroline is still on her art grind, now with upped prices and some without boobs

Caroline is so poor she’s been ordering a 13 dollar spritz everyday as a meal. to fix her nutrient deficiency she eats one (1) 15 dollar salad

cleaning?
saving money by not drinking?
working?
insta stories?
spritz?
(insp by @bent_ley)

Caroline is still writing about Oscar despite:
- having been broken up for 2+ years
- having cheated on him
- being publically asked by oscar to stop
- being 27 years old and talking about events that happened 5+ years ago

then Caro posted this post where she says that her tour wasn’t even that bad you guys! even though there’s verifiable proof (see thread) she promised food and did not book venues a WEEK before. reporters exist to tell the truth, not to make caro feel good about herself

also, last night I couldn’t sleep, so I read her book proposal! I actually really enjoyed it and would read the whole thing but you all know how that goes. also, turns out Caroline has cheated on 2/3rds of the boyfriends that we know of

so to catch you up: last night caroline posted my thread and got me a bunch of followers. she also searched her name and posted anyone who mentioned her lol. she then made like 3 posts and 90 stories about twitter

as soon as I posted this she posted about my thread two more times

is this insta story also art

this hat is from a vice article about her. all she does is talk about her haters while also saying she doesn’t care about her haters

this exact energy https://vine.co/v/MhK1JOZ3IqD 

haven’t posted about caroline in a minute because I’ve been busy with ~real life~ but she’s still posting about me

also caroline posted a nip picture and tagged the middle school she went to as the location, so now you can see her boobs and kids graduating

caro thinks I (or any other twitter girl) would post about her getting an eye stye like...no one really gives a shit calm down

If I’m still talking about college and my ex boyfriend 4+ years after I graduate I want someone to put me down execution style

CAROLINE WHO COULD NOT AFFORD THE 2 DOLLAR SUBWAY FARE IS NOW WASTING THE MONEY SHE EARNED ON AN EXPENSIVE CROSS CONTINENTAL TRIP SO SHE CAN PRETEND SHE IS STILL IN COLLEGE AND I MUST SCREAM

if you CONSISTENTLY struggle to pay rent and you were TWO MONTHS behind on your bills why not S A V E Y O U R M O N E Y

HOWEVER, I also subscribe to the theories that caroline has never been actually poor to begin with and she probably got cut off on “extra” money. rent was probably never an issue for her because her family is RICH having spent easily a million on her in the past decade

blogsnark sleuthing has also confirmed caroline has known for AT LEAST two weeks she would be attending this ball because tickets were sold in december and transfers or name changes ended early june. caroline, yet again, is scamming her fans into thinking she’s poor

I will venmo someone one whole cent to go call caro out on the fact she is running a ploy on her fans YET AGAIN. she is guilt tripping us about her ~poverty~ to make us feel bad for her and to get he gulliable to SEND HER MONEY to WASTE on ball tickets

caroline calloway really and truly is the scammer supreme and really truly has been scamming her fans for money yet again...

Thread continues here! https://twitter.com/cacasmiddlename/status/1144340850039640064?s=21