11. I’m 36..
(Damm baby you at least 25).

I have 4 kids ..
( that’s okay I’m ready for a family)

I’m divorced ..
(baby you could of had 3 boyfriends and a husband it makes no difference to me I’m getting you pregnant.)

12. she dropped one of the hair clips and bent over RIGHT in front of me to get it... listen I’m not a creep. It took everything IN ME.. EVERYTHING. To not look. I was STRESSING IN THE CHAIR

13. She gonna say “are you hot? Do you need me to turn on the A.C??”

I’m like yeah sure it was blazing outside that’s why I’m sweating. nigga it was raining.

14. She finished my hair and I paid her and thanked her. I reached out to shake her hand and she held it and started caressing it..

15. she said “you know I have a daughter your age” I said ah you gonna try to play match maker like the other women in here

She said “why would I do that when I can have you?”

16. God had to be playing with me so I told myself if this was a dream whenever I die and go to heaven ima tell Jesus to Box me.

17. She started whispering so no one further than me I could hear her..

“I have some head wraps at my house you should come over later tonight and I can wrap it for you myself...”

18. I said yea sure.. trying to sound cool but when i said it it sounded like I had a buzz saw in my throat

19. I leave and IMMEDIATELY hit Ralph up and tell him about what just happened.. Well actually I called my other friend donnell first but he ain’t believe me and hung up in my face.

20. Ralph as excited as I am talking about

“Bro clap her shit into oblivion!!! Then when she fall asleep go into her kitchen and steal all her kids snacks and juice boxes so we don’t have to pay for food at the movies this weekend”

21. I was like bro who does that?? I was convinced everyone except me had harnessed their inner 9 Tailed Fuck Boy

22. so I ride my bike to her crib and park it in the bushes. I text her and let her know I’m there and she tells me she putting her kids to sleep and to come thru her window

23. I started seeing red flags because she’s grown.. why I gotta sneak in? Then i realized this a grown ass woman and her kids probably wouldn’t be ecstatic about her talking to a kid the same age as them

24. I Locate her window, toss my backpack in first then climb thru, I can hear her kids running around as she tries to get them in the bed

25. So 45 mins go by and she comes in the room and says

“I’m sorry just give me a minute I’m trying to get them to go to sleep.. but when I come back ima put you to sleep ”

26. She leaves and I sit on the bed and text my boy Ralph and say

27. “He text me back
“fuck that woman so loud her kids can hear it”

I’m like dawg no lol that’s so disrespectful

he like “man fuck them kids they ain’t yours ”

28. So.. she walks in and looking drained and exhausted.. she says ima shower and I’ll be right out.. she came back in after, we kissed a little then she rolled over and PASSED. OUT.

29. I’m like cmon Mrs.Parker of Ghanaaa stop playing.. my guy she start snoring...

30. That old age kicked in FAST I was gonna wake her up but I know kids can be a handful I couldn’t even do her like that.. but she called me alllllll the way over here.. I aint leaving empty handed..

31. I head to her kitchen and start stuffing my backpack with snacks

32. Nutter butters, zebra cakes, cosmic brownies, lunchables, caprisuns, go gurts I was raiding her shit like I was the grinch

33. I’m in the pantry and the kitchen light cuts on and a voice says my name..

34. Averyyyy?!!?!?!?!

35. RALLLLLPHHHH?!!?!?!

36. I start whispering What you doing in here bro??

He yelled “THE FUCK YOU MEAN NIGGA THIS MY HOUSE”

37. His mom walk out... and say
“ah damm”

38. She try to explain that we was just chilling and that she was doing my hair but it didn’t help that she was in her robe.. Ralph look at me and say

“DAWG YOU TRYING TO GET WITH MY MOM!?!?!?!?!”

39. in situations that are awkward I always try to lighten the mood with a joke.. so I replied: I mean bro you told me to smash and get the snacks lol

40. Now I done took some Ls but when I tell y’all this nigga beat the SHIT out of me??? He beat the blue balls outta me bra..

41. His mom pulled him off me and I ran.. I saw him in school but he avoided me.. so I texted him... guess what I texted him?

42. You still down for movies this weekend? I got snacks..

43. I tried to fuck Donnell mom after that but y’all already read that story.