𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓷 𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓽 ➺ 2seok au

"You don't really love me."

He said so softly, as if he's done with everything. And he /is/.

"You just don't want to let go of me who has accepted you when everyone doesn't. And I wish I didn't. Accept you. Because this hurts."

ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ:
⇢ break up au
⇢ endgame is still undecided; depends on the flow of the story
⇢ angst angst angst
⇢ don't comment/reply on thread
⇢ rt/qt if you have comments

"You're breaking up with me." He asked in that tone of his as if he expected this to happen but couldn't quite believed his partner really did it.

Hoseok tried to listen to himself for anything; loud heartbeats, pounding head, heavy breathing. But he got nothing.

He was too calm for someone breaking up with his boyfriend

And it terrifies him.

"Hoseok, you're breaking up with me." Seokjin repeated in a clipped voice, and all he could do was to take in a lungful of air before releasing it slowly.

"Yes."

He heard the older man laugh, but it sounded so wrong in Hoseok's ears. But he steeled himself.

/No. Stop it, Hoseok./

He wants to take it back. He really does, but he needs to end this before they could break anything more than they already had.

"Okay." He heard Seokjin mumble under his breath.

Call him petty, but Hoseok expected his boyfriendㅡor now ex-boyfriend to fight him, to debate, /to take him back/. His mind formed any kind of scenarios and how he's counter it as to not get back with him.

Maybe he was wrong. Again.

He could feel his eyes water as he tried to stop breathing now, or he would hiccup or sniff. And he doesn't want Seokjin to hear it.

"Give me a reason."

That made him look up, his eyes wide as he stare at the tall man who's looking away from him.

"What?"

Seokjin chuckled once more, raking his hand through his hair. Hoseok could see how he was trembling, in contrast with how calm his ex was.

/Just like me./

"If you're really breaking up with me, I think it's natural to ask for a reason, don't you think?"

Hoseok played with his phone, elegant fingers tapping the side of the gadget before spinning it a little, then repeating the process. His eyes were puffy, must be aching red from all the crying he had done earlier.

It's way past midnight, and they had been fighting for hours. Even weeks.

Hoseok's tired.

"I fell out of love."

It was the most cliche reason he could come up with, but it was the truth. He fell out of love with Kim Seokjin, and he doesn't know if it's salvageable at this point in time.

/It may cause more damage that repair./

Hoseok can't take that.

"You fell out ofㅡSince when?"

He massaged his temple because the younger just knew that another fight was coming. And even though he prayed for a peaceful break up, he knew that was an impossible fit.

"Hoseok, since when?" His ex-boyfriend was raising his voice a little, an indication that he's getting impatient.

And his own was ready to snap any minute.

"A few weeks back."

Seokjin scoffed, turning away from him a little, hands on his waist. He watched as the older man shook his head a little before gazing back at him with eyes blazing with a burning inferno directed to him.

Seokjin is mad.

"And you didn't bother telling me?"

He ran his palm over his face as he breath through his nose, and Hoseokㅡ

Hoseok simply stood there; listening, waiting.

"You promised. We promised. That when something goes awry, we'll tell each other. Be it falling for someone or something like... /this/."

"We did."

Seokjin scoffed again, like he couldn't believe he was hearing such things from someone breaking up with him.

"Then why didn't you tell me earlier!"

"Because I was trying to save this relationship that was falling apart in my own hands!"

Something snapped inside Hoseok, and he was unable to stop himself from screaming. Even his hot tears started falling down from his eyes.

He's like a broken dam. Already was, only destroyed more by this relationship.

"You didn't even stop to think why I did such thing. You only think about your own feelings, your own wounds. Seokjin, I tried to save our relationship. I really did." He hiccuped, and he hated it. He hated how weak he sounded right now, how weak he must have looked.

/Pathetic./

"You know this isn't the first fight we had. Not even the second time. We've been fighting for days, weeks. Heck, we even ought a month ago."

A yes, the fight last month. Maybe it was what chipped at his already battered and bruised heart. What made him lose some feelings.

~~~~~~~

Hoseok just got home from a long day at work. Tiring, taxing. He loves dealing with people, but to be subjected to face dozens of people trying to eat your head out with their own complains with ears closed for any explanation, it was rather draining.

All he wanted to do was to collapse on his bed and rest. But he needs to recharge. Even just a little.

He grabbed his phone just as he entered his apartment, his other hand tapping the wall for the light switch as his other dialed the love of his life's number.

He listened to his phone ring through his earphomes as he walked inside the now lit home. Only a few rings and he smiled when the other answered.

"Hey baby."

Hoseok flopped down the couch, throwing his bag at the other end as he leaned his head at the back of the couch.

"Baby. I just got home."

He could definitely see the pout when he closed his eyes to relax his mind. "And you didn't text me again."

"I'm sorry, okay? I was really busy at the office and it just didn't cross my mind."

There was silence that followed that statement, and he wished this wouldn''t blow up into a fight. He can't handle that right now.

"Okay."

Hoseok released a sigh of relief, as Seokjin answered.

"Have you eaten?"

"Not yet. But I will. Just let me rest for rest, okay?"

His boyfriend hummed. "Just don't sleep on me again." It was said playfully, but his heart clenched at the thought that Seokjin meant it sarcastically. He admits it. He had been sleeping on him numerous times already.

But he can't help it. He always feel like he doesn't have enough rest. And even of he slept early, it only made things worse for him. It made him feel like he only had two hours of sleep when in reality, he slept longer.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled through the mic, heart heavy with guilt.

"That's okay. I'm getting used to it."

Hoseok sighed, kept his mouth shut. He didn't want a fight, he reminded himself. Instead, he stood up to get some dinner ready.

/Maybe some ramyun for tonight./

"So, how was work?" He asked wanting the keep the conversation on as he boil some water.

"It was good." And he listened to how Seokjin spent the day dealing with kids. As a teacher, he does love doing his best to help them. But as he mentioned, some kids were just slow learners.

He finished making his dinner just as Seokjin finished his short tale. "And you?"

"Same old." He gave a small thanks for the food before digging in. Then he decided to check on their social medias to pass time. "Being yelled at by the boss. Chewed at by the workers."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Seokjin said softly, making Hoseok laugh a little.

"It's fine. It always happens. Just, it was too much today, I think?" He was about to continue telling him what had transpired that day when his eyes caught a name in Seokjin's messenger.

"Babe? Hello? Is the signal interrupted again?"

"No. The signal is fine " He could feel his body getting hot from the inside, and he knew it wasn't from the spicy ramen he was eating just now. He pushed it away a little as he stared at the screen of his phone.

His thumb scrolling over it, eyes reading each messages and his heart trying to understand it without judging him first.

"You're still chatting him."

"Huh?"

He almost smirked at the dumb answer. "Namjoon."

"Oh." He could hear the recognition in Seokjin's voice.

Hoseok definitely lost his appetite.

"He chatted me a while ago to check on something." He explained,. and Hoseok nodded even if mo one was there to see. His eyes were still trained on his phone screen, skimming over one particular message that caught his eyes.

He read it again and again, trying to process it inside his head. He tried to interpret it to other things other than what his mind and heart was screaming at him. He ignored them. He decided to give Seokjin the benefit of a doubt.

"Check up on things?"

"Yeah."

Hoseok couldn't help but chuckle humorlessly. "I didn't know saging 'I love you' was /checking on things/."

He heard Seokjin sigh through the other end of the line. "It's nothing like that, Seok-ah."

"No, it IS like that."

He watched as his phone shook, and only did he realized his hands were shaking. His eyes were starting to blur from tears pooling his eyes, threatening to flow down any second but he willed himself to keep them.

/He can't cry yet./

"Do you want me to read it out loud, Jin?"

The silence that follows was enough answer to him. He knows his boyfriend was listening.

/"I love you. Please know it's for you."/

Seokjin chuckled. "And it's just like that. Did you see me answer? I didn't."

"You did." His voice trembled, and he threw his phone on the table.

"You answered. You replied. Not 'I love you' but you kept the conversation going."

"Babe, he's just a friend."

"Don't you dare call me babe right now!"

And another deafening silence blanketed over them.

Hoseok felt suffocated.

"I can't talk with you right now." Hoseok whispered, broken and tired and defeated.

"No, babe. Please. Don't cut me off. Let's talk about it."

"What more do you want?" He wanted to lie down on his bed, to close his eyes and to forget everything.

He called Seokjin for recharging. He ended up getting drained than ever. This was the last thing he needed. "Do I get jealous often?"

"No." Seokjin quickly replied. "No, you don't. And that's why this made me happy because you getting jealous over me meant you love me."

Hoseok pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes again. "This is different. I've told you before that I don't like him. Given he was a friend, one that you always see, a true friend from college. But I told you I was feeling jealous even before."

"I know. I know Seok-ah."

"But did you do anything? To appease what I was feeling? Did you even think about not replying to him knowing I have access to your accounts and can see them?" He took a deep breath. "Are you flaunting these messages at me?"

"No!" Seokjin screamed, and Hoseok felt tired. "I would never do that."

"But I wanted you to stop interacting with him."

"But you refused to let me block her. It will be easier, for your peace of mind and my own."

Hoseok shook his head, feeling disheartened.

That wasn't the answer he was expecting. And he doesn't know what to feel. Because he had explained this already. A lot.

Seokjin is smart. He just doesn't know why he can't understand.

"Blocking doesn't solve things. I believe it's an immature move and proves he affects us."

"But it will stop the communication."

He glared at his phone, the words 'babe' abd hearts clear at his phone screen. "And what I'm saying is, can't you have the control to not talk with him without blocking him?" He scoffed, smirk appearing over his lips.

"It simply shows how much self control you lack."

He heard Seokjin sigh. "Hoseok, believe me. I didn't think of it like that. Yes, maybe it made my happy a little, but you've got to understand. I'm someone who doesn't get complimented always.

And who would even like me in that manner, right?"

Hoseok's breathing hitched. "You didn't just say that."

"What, no one liking me? But it's the truth. You know my history. You know how no one falls for me."

"Shut up." Hoseok whispered, anger bubbling deep inside him.

But Seokjin doesn't listen. "There's a few. But maybe it wasn't strong enough to be even be something in the first place. So please understand, having him liking me just a bit flattered me."

"THEN WHAT AM I TO YOU THEN?"

"W-What?"

"You keep on babbling about anyone not liking you while I'm here, literally talking to you!" His eyes were staring at the wall but seeing nothing. His head was spinning and his ears were ringing. This was getting stupid. "What am I? Who am I to you?"

He muffled his cried with his hand, his body quavering as he held back his sobs.

"Y-You're my boyfriend.. Hoseok, please don't cry."

He ignored his pleading. "Exactly. And what do you think it made me feel when you were saying no one likes you? Does my feeling not count?"

"It does." He could feel more tears spilling down his face and he can't manage to stop them anymore. "Babe, of course it matters. You matter."

/Strike one./

Hoseok tried to calm himself down. He tried to let it go, but his mind kept saying 'strike one'. He doesn't know what his mind wants. But he decided to keep it there.

"Okay. Fine." He managed to day after stabilizing his breathing. "But answer me this."

He took another deep breath as he massaged his eyes. Crying this much was tiring. It was making his head heavy, his heart ache and his soul drained. "Why can't you keep away from him?"

He tried hard to understand it. He had been vocal on not liking Namjoon.

He's not the jealous type. But there's something about him that rubbed Hoseok in a different way, and he doesn't like it.

And now it exploded right in front of his face.

"What do you want me to do? Beg? Get angry? To not talk to you? What more do you need until you stop talking to him just like I wanted? I never asked you to NOT talk to him ever again. All I wanted was for you to let me heal, for me to let go of this /jealousy/.

You know I hated feeling like this. You know I never wanted to hate on anyone. But I told you he had feelings for you, But did you listen? No."

He shivered a little as he felt his eyes watered again. Damn, he hated feeling this vulnerable.

"Just a little self control until I say 'Hey, it's okay now. He doesn't matter anymore'. That's all I'm waiting for but you didn't do anything."

He heard a sniff followed by a broken sob and he knew Seokjin was crying as well.

It broke his heart to hear him cry. But how much can his heart take if he wouldn't let this all out now?

"All I'm asking was assurance that you won't let get into him. But you never assured me like that. You know how I felt about him, but then you keep on messaging him."

"How would that make me feel?" He asked, his voice dropping in a whisper as he cried again.

"Babe, please." Seokjin pleaded again. "Don't do this."

"Do what? I'm just asking you why can't you just seem to ignore him?

I know you. when you don't like anyone, you would stop talking with them. You won't interact with them. But what does this Namjoon have that you can't keep away from him?"

"He's a friend. Please don't make me choose Hoseok."

/Strike two./

Hoseok chuckled, heart clenching inside his chest. But that wasn't what made it hurt. It was the thousand sharp needles poking, stabbing it again and again.

"I'm not making you choose Seokjin." He chuckled once again, more bitter than before.

"And the fact that you thought I'm making you choose hurt, because that's it. You can't. You can't choose between us. If I were you, I'd choose you in a heartbeat. But here you are, begging me not to make you choose."

"It's not like that. Please babe. Hear me out."

/I don't want to hear you anymore if you keep making this mistakes in this fight. You're only pushing me to think I'm the second best choice here./

But he didn't say it. He doesn't have the heart to do so.

There was silence, a long one. And Hoseok hates it. It meant Seokjin doesn't have anything to say and it screamed how he was right in everything. He doesn't want to think like this anymore. His heart could only take so much, so he let's it go.

Even when his mind screamed 'fool'.

"I just don't understand. Make it make sense. Make me understand how can you say such things to me? I know you love me. You never failed to let me feel that. But right now, I never felt so insecure in my life. So jealous of someone. I never hated someone like this."

He buried his face on his hands as he stopped himself from screaming. His throat hurts. His head hurts.

/His heart hurts./

"Will you please, just, not talk to him? Just until I say you can, can you not chat with him?"

Another bout of silence, and there's a dreading feeling creeping inside him, his stomach dropping in fear, his heart screaming for Jin to not say anything stupid.

"Hoseok, please understand. I don't want to lose a friend."

/I'll just be your friend then. It's a guarantee you'll never lose me./

His mind wanted to scream these words to Seokjin, and he felt like a puppet with his strings cut, his body dropping on the floor like it was nothing.

He shook his head with a smile, a single tear dropping from his eye as he stared at Seokjin's endearment on his phone. And with the strength he didn't know where he got from, he ended the call without another word.

Only his mind screaming /Strike three/.

Just for science. Who do you want to be in Hoseok's circle of friends?

~~~~~~~

He remembers the fight clearly like it happened only yesterday. Maybe it was not that huge of an issue, but nonetheless, it had affected Hoseok big time.

He remembers how he ignored Seokjin for days, not sending him any texts, not answering any of his calls.

And he hated how he felt guilty of doing so, even with his co-workers telling him it wasn't his fault.

It was petty. Because up to this point, his best friends were not aware of his inner turmoil. He had not mentioned this to either Jimin, Taehyung and Yoongi.

[A/N: trigger warning.. mentioned of depression at some point]

It hurts Hoseok so much to hide things from them. It was definitely not his good side. He knows they'd understand him. He'll always have them behind his back.

But that's what make Hoseok mad at himself. He's broken to the point he close himself off to people that matters. He avoids talking to his circle of friends when this kind of feelings hit him.

And what made him feel even guiltier was that they were willing to wait for him.

They never push. They wait for the day that Hoseok would come back to them. Whenever he was ready to talk.

He sighed as he massaged his temple again, not looking at his now ex-boyfriend. "Look, maybe it started with that fight about Namjoon.

Remember how I took a leave from work just so I could see you and talk things out? Because even though I had let it go already, deep inside I know you still don't get my point. You agree with my perspectives and principles just to avoid a fight, not to understand the way I am."

Hoseok chuckled softly as he looked out the window towards the darkening sky, stars slowly shining in the night. "You know I tried so hard to make this relationship last. But that wasn't the last timee we didn't agree to things.

After that fight, it seems like every little thing that doesn't match between us suddenly resurfaced, and even the smallest thing causes a fight between us."

Seokjin sighed, a little frustrated as he pointed at Hoseok. "Because you make things a big deal when it should be not."

"Oh, I make things big? Don't you remember anything you've said to me these past few days? On how I sleep on you during calls. On how I get little to no time with you. On how I almost forget to update you with things. Seokjin, I told you I'm not used to them."

His ex was quiet and he was thankful with that because he was not done. "I did promise you that I'll try to adjust so that you'd be happier. But you know what has been happening with my life recently. You know I'm drowning in myself and I don't know what to do anymore.

I asked for space not because I'm breaking up with you. It had crossed my mind, I'd be honest with you but I always throw those thoughts away because I myself wants to save this. But I'm tired, Seokjin. I'm tired from everything. From work, from my family, from life in general."

He sat back down on his couch, feeling like the life was suck out of him from the words leaving his mouth. Maybe it does suck his life away. And right now, he doesn't give a fuck anymore.

"And you, being my boyfriend, I hope you'd understand me. I hope you could be the shoulder I can lean on at times like this. But no, it hurts to say this but you've become one of the reasons why I'm drowning in my own self thoughts, in this unwelcomed things camping in my head."

"And that's true." Seokjin cut him off and he let him. He doesn't have the will to fight him anymore. He just feels done.

And this state of himself he had right now scares him.

"I'm your boyfriend. I crave for your affection. I crave for your time. And I do give it to you. You're not the only one busy, Hoseok. But I can still give it to you."

Hoseok felt the jab. He felt the whispers in his head getting louder and noisier.

/This is your fault./

/You don't care for him enough./

/You didn't show him the same amount of love given to you./

But Hoseok was close to not caring anymore. He tried to keep himself in check, but he's not feeling anything anymore. He's numb. He just wants this to end.

/For my sanity./

"It came to a point where you never text me first. There were instances where you always get mad at me when I cling to you. And you never say 'I love you' first. It's always me."

"Don't feel it anymore?" He asked Seokjin in a whisper, broken and sounding not like him at all.

He had to stop himself from laughing when Seokjin turned to him with wide eyes. "Don't you feel my love anymore that you need my words? You know my belief. 'Actions speaks louder than words'. If you're asking for something like this, then I'm doing something wrong in my end."

"No." Seokjin quickly answered, eyes frantic and panicky. But Hoseok saw it as clear as glass.

/I was right./

Hoseok had to laugh out loud at that, and he liked how Seokjin flinched at the sound.

/Good./

"I told you before that I don't love you the same as the one you have for me. You told me you were willing to wait. You've been my best friend for 5 years. We've been dating for almost 9 months now, so that makes it almost 6 years of us knowing each other.

You know how I deal with my problems. When it gets too much for me, I literally block people in my life. But I always comes back. You know I'm not that clingy. You know I'm not that showy. You told me it was fine because it was me after all. But then what changed?"

He rubbed his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. "Our labels changed, but you said you're fine with the way I am. But then why do you keep demanding for things that I don't usually do just because you do it to me?"

Seokjin stared at him, and Hoseok met his stare dead on. "Because I think I'm entitled to receive such things."

"And I do try to give it to you! But I asked you for some time out! You cling to me when I pointedly said I don't want this for now. You will go but with a pout.

And it makes me feel guilty. You told me now how I never said 'I love you' on a daily basis. I don't do that, you know that. But when I'm in a good mood, you know I do try to be as sweet as I can.

You make me feel like I've been a bad boyfriend to you when all I know was I was doing my best to show it to you in the best way I can. But when you speak to me, disappointed at something I had not done because you did it to me, I feel like my mistakes adds up.

"It's as tall as a tower right now and it adds up to my thoughts on how I'm basically a trash to the people I love." Hoseok was tired of crying. But it seemed like he had a lot of reserves inside, as the tears continued to come.

"Seokjin, you've been my best friend first and foremost. You know these little details about me. And it was not a problem before. But now, just because our labels change, you changed as well? And you never try to understand me anymore."

"I'm sorry." Seokjin answered.

"I'm really sorry babe. Please, let's talk this out and fix this."

But Hoseok simply shook his head. Now that Seokjin was begging, he just felt like he did the right thing. "And then what?"

"H-Huh?"

"After we fix this right now, what will happen next? Yes, we will go back as if nothing happened. That's the man you are Seokjin. You say you wanted to fix things but you don't. Just because you placed a band aid on a wound makes the wound disappear."

He gave his ex a small, pained smile. "It's still there. It still hurts. And yes, time will heal it. But then you'd revert back to the way you are right now. Demanding things again because you think I'm fine. You see me as a happy go-lucky person.

But you never know what I'm really feeling inside. And then we will fight like this again and we'd say harsh things again. Andㅡ" He cut himself off with a deep sigh. For a moment, only their breathing was audible in the living room. It may have calmed Hoseok down before.

But now it was like grating on his ears.

"Don't you see? We're moving in circles. We keep going back to this even after you say you won't. How many more fights will we go until we break down? How much more smashing into pieces can my heart take before it dies completely?"

Hoseok stood up and tried to keep his head up, even if all his body wanted was to collapse. "I'm tired of this cycle, Seokjin. It may not show, but it is slowly killing me."

Then he smiled again, and he never knew that smiling could hurt like a blade cutting through his skin. "We can fix it. But the damage, the effect, it's everlasting. After every fight, I just lose the will to fix this relationship when it was obvious you're not with me anymore "

"No, please." Seokjin took a step closer but Hoseok held his hand up to atop him. "I love you Seok-ah. I really do. I'll change. I'll do anything you want. I will not make you update if you don't want to. I won't get jealous of your workmates anymore. Just... Please."

"See? You're doing it again." Hoseok pointed out as he took a step back, away from Seokjin. "You're only saying things like this when I'm so done. You never listen to me but when I'm on my breaking point, it's when you concede and apologize and... Fuck, I'm tired."

"I promise I'll change Hoseok. This fight means we're growing up. We're growing together, right? This is just an obstacle we need to overcome."

Hoseok shook his head. They're not on the same page. Maybe, they're not even on the same book anymore.

"Seokjin, let's end this already. I... I can't take it anymore."

The silence that followed was deafening, but it served as a comforting blanket on Hoseok. Silence means Seokjin doesn't try to fight anymore.

"So that's it? Nine months of dating and now we're over? Just like that."

"It's not something that happened just like that. I just told you, I was trying to save this. But I can't anymore."

"No." Seokjin smiled at him, and Hoseok looked away from it.

"But you ended it just like that."

Hoseok sighed. He smartly kept his mouth shut because he knew this would end in another fight. And he doesn't have the strength anymore. "I think you better go now. I... I also wanted to be alone."

Seokjin laughed a little as he moved towards the the door, grabbing his coat a little. "Nine months..." He whispered to himself but clear enough for Hoseok to hear. "I didn't even beat Hyunsik. Nine months against 2 years."

Hoseok felt like cold water was splashed on him.

"What did you say?"

Seokjin gave another laugh. "I thought I could beat him."

"But time we had was different with his." Hoseok whispered softly, defeated, not sure if he was really hearing this.

"Sure, but still."

Hoseok smirked, shaking his head before pointing at the door.

"Just... Just go home, Seokjin. And think about what you just said right now."

And when finally, FINALLY Hoseok was alone, he slowly let his body collapse because he couldn't take it anymore.

He breaks down to the floor, and finally screamed his heart out.

Days flew by, and he finally mustered the strength to tell his best friends. Because he can't hide this anymore. He's been keeping himself busy with work, trying to do things a lot just to keep his mind occupied.

But if he was being honest, he felt... free.

Call him petty or heartless or any insult anyone could come up with. But it was the truth. He was expecting himself to feel down for weeks, or maybe months. He even expected himself to be depressed with all that has happened.

But it was like a fresh breath of air.

Never once had it crossed his mind to get back together. And for once, his mind and heart was at peace with each other. As if he had done the right decision.

"And you did." Jimin said as they were sitting inside Yoongi's car, eating their take outs.

"I expected this already, kind if felt this was happening. And we were just waiting for you to say something."

He watched as Taehyung nodded, nibbling on a fries. "Well, I wasn't aware for things to be like this. And now, I'm just... mad."

"Please. If you're going to judge the situation, judge it equally. Just because I'm your bestfriend doesn't mean you have to be on my side."

"No." Hoseok jumped when all of a sudden Yoongi, who had been quiet the whole time Hoseok was telling them the story, suddenly spoke.

"I'm on your side in this. Yes, you both made some mistakes. And you know about yours. You were honest with how you tend to not spend time with him. But he should understand how stressful your work was, and how it was not easy to deal with your family right now."

"But maybe I did something wrong." Hoseok mumbled, thinking with his guilty heart.

Yoongi scoffed. "Then go. If you want to get back together with him, then be my guest. But you know where I stand. I told you earlier how I didn't like him in the first place for you."

The other two remained quiet on the back seat and Hoseok sighed at that. He understood Yoongi's anger. Being his super bestfriend, he knows why the smaller man was like this. "I'm not getting back together with him."

"Then that's good!" Taehyung exclaimed happily.

The two leaned closer, looking at him with serious eyes. "We don't want you to hurt anymore, Hobi. So if it makes you happy now that you let him go, then we support you."

Jimin smiled and reached forward to pat his head. "Don't listen to what others are saying.

What's important to us is what you're feeling right now. Nothing more, nothing less."

Hoseok, for the first time in a few months, finally revealed a real smile. And he knew it was genuine, because he felt light in doing so. It was not forced just like before.

"Thank you. Really." He said softly.

He heard a scoff and he saw Yoongi had reached out to him, hands opened in front of him.

"What?"

"Give me your phone Hobi."

"What for?"

"I know you. With your principle of not blocking anyone, you are still friends with him in your social medias."

Hoseok pouted. "I muted him. He was very... vocal."

Jimin groaned as he flopped down the seat. "Tell me about it."

"Wait, what's going on?" Taehyung asked in confusion.

Yoongi, losing his patience, moved from his seat and grabbed Hoseok's phone. Unlocking it, he tapped on it for a few times before throwing it back to the owner.

Hoseok blinked down at his phone then up at Yoongi.

"I blocked him from your instagram. He's more noisy in there."

Hoseok pouted. "Is something happening?"

There was silence, but Hoseok saw Jimin squirming a little in his seat. He narrowed his eyes. "Is there something I need to know?"

Yoongi sighed as he crossed his arms behind his head. "All I'm saying is your ex is annoying as fuck."

Hoseok continued to glare at him, before shifting his eyes towards Jimin who sighed. "All I'm saying is, he keeps on posting there about things you shouldn't know more about."

"What things?" Hoseok crossed his arms. "What's going on?"

Yoongi sighed. "He keeps posting things about how he had been hurt but it was okay because he you are happy. Then it will change into something with how he can cope up with it and become someone stronger. Annoying."

Hoseok continued to watch the two before he sighed, knowing what must have happened. "There must have been a post with Jungkook in it."

"Can you not speak his name?" Yoongi said angrily.

"Oh my god. You fought with them."

"Not exactly fight. More like... we threw words at each other indirectly?"

Hoseok groaned as he leaned against his seat. "Stop it. Don't engage anymore."

"But he and his so-called bestfriend are an immature bunch. They're calling you immature because of your mindset."

Jimin nodded. "Just because you don't meet theirs doesn't mean yours is wrong. They're just close minded people who doesn't understand the word different."

Hoseok sighed again before looking at Taehyung who was watching them with wide eyes. "You, keep the innocence, okay?"

Then he turned to Jimin and Yoongi and sighed exasperatedly. "And for the both of you, please stop."

"I will if this Jungkook will stop badmouthing you."

"I agree."

Hoseok sighed,pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Knowing him, he won't stop because you both won't. So please be mature enough about this."

"Nope."

He can't believe his bestfriends. He loves them, but they're too stubborn right now.

"Jimin, Yoongi, please. I don't want you to get involved in this.

Just... Stop. For me?"

He continued to stared at Jimin who sighed and nodded. Then he looked at Yoongi, who simply stared at him. But he didn't backed down. Not until Yoongi complied with a grunt.

Hoseok smiled. "Okay, good. Thank you. And if they won't stop, just tell me.

I'll be the one to deal with them. Okay?"

Hoseok laughed when the two simply pouted at him. God, he really love his friends.

~~~~~~~

Weeks prior to that, he received a text from Seokjin to meet up. He would have turned down, or ignored it like always. But he could only sigh at the text.

'Are you ready to talk to me now? It's been months. I think you can now explain to me what happened to us.'

And now, he was there in a secured cafe, in front if his ex he hadn't seen for months. No one was speaking, just them sitting their awkwardly.

Seokjin coughed, breaking the silence first as he stir his drink a little.

"So, how are you?"

Hoseok sighed. He crossed his hands over the table and leaned closer a little, now meeting Seokjin's eyes. "As much as I want to do pleasantries, we both know you asked to meet up not to flatter each other. Now, get to the point or I'm leaving."

Seokjin chuckled softly, looking at Hoseok with longing eyes. But it doesn't affect Hoseok anymore. He kept his face neutral, no emotions peeking out.

"You still haven't changed. Feisty as ever."

Hoseok groaned and made a move to stand up, only for Seokjin to panicked when he saw the other leaving. "No. I'll get to the point now. So please, stay."

He watched his ex for a moment, searching his face if he was saying the truth.

When he found what he was looking for, he finally sat back down. But his body was now rigid, tense, and in alert; ready to bolt in any second.

He waited for Seokjin to start, and the statement that left those lips made him laugh sarcastically.

"I think I deserve an explanation of what happened before. I still don't understand what happened. And seeing you here, maybe you can now explain things to me."

Hoseok scoffed as he stared Seokjin down. "What more do you want? I told you everything I wanted to say that night.

Everything I said was clear."

Seokjin sighed. "But we could have fixed it together Hoseok."

He shook his head. "Don't you understand? There is nothing to fix. If we kept it like that, it will only destroy us both."

"But still.. an explanation-"

He cut him off , eyes narrowed. "Explanations? What for? I told you what I thought already. It's not my problem anymore if you don't get my point."

"But I want to understand your reasons. I can't just let it go like that."

Hoseok scoffed, looking away from his ex.

"Are you for real? You want /me/ to explain to you your wrongdoings?" He laughed at that, not believing what he was hearing right now. "Seokjin, you're smart. All you have to do was to back track to all our fights and think about the things you've said to me.

And from there on, you should know what you've said that made me like this."

"And that's why I need you to explain because I don't understand where I went wrong. You said you've told me everything you wanted. And so did I. But why can't we work things out?"

Hoseok had to groan in frustration. "Why are you like this? You're older. You're smarter. But why do I need to spoon-fed you?"

"I'm sorry okay?" Seokjin was raising his voice now, and Hoseok knew that he was getting pissed as well. But he doesn't give a fuck.

"I'm new to this relationship thing. You're my first boyfriend. Give me some slack here."

Hoseok laughed at that. "We all came from no experience in relationships, Seokjin. It's not only you. But I'm not obligated to explain to you what you've done just because we're dating."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Don't get mad at me. I want to talk properly." Seokjin pleaded again, and Hoseok tried to calm himself down before sitting properly again.

"All I wanted was to feel your love. Just like what I gave you."

"And that's what I've been telling you.

We are two different individuals that happened to fall in love with each other. Just because that happened doesn't mean we became the same people. If you're clingy, then so be it. But it's not a requirement for me to do the same especially if it's not my personality.

It's not a requirement you need to provide to have grades at school. Love doesn't work like that."

Seokjin sighed. "But you could have at least be a little sweet. It was always me thatㅡ"

Something snapped within Hoseok and he slammed his hands on the table.

"How can I possibly give you something that I was seeking as well?!" It was a good thing there were no other people in this cafe or he would be making a scene. "I've told you, I'm dealing with something back then. I need to appease my Dad or he'll continue hurting me.

But there you were, adding to the expectations piling over me."

He sat back down and refused to look at Seokjin, because he could feel the tears threatening to fall. Again.

Why was he crying again?

"I told you what I need was time for myself before I return to you guys. Heck, that time, I was still talking and texting you. But Yoongi and the guys? Seokjin, I blocked them. They can't even reach me. They can't even see me. What more were you asking of me?"

Hoseok played with his cup, as to get his angsty hands to do something. "Back then, you were hearing from me even just a little when they were worried sick about me. I'm there for you. But you never gave it to me. Did you hear anything from me? None.

It got opened when we had our last fight. I never complained to you. You know that."

"I'm sorry." Seokjin whispered but Hoseok shook his head.

"No, you're not."

"Believe me. I'm sorry. Let's talk about it next time when you're ready, okay?"

/He still doesn't get it./

Hoseok wanted to scream at him. But he can't. He wanted to hurt him for making him feel like this. But he can't.

"I'm leaving." Hoseok said before standing up.

Seokjin stood up as well, following him immediately. "I'm really sorry Hoseok. We'll talk next timeㅡ"

"No." He cut him off, turning his body so he could look at him properly. "There will be no next time."

"Butㅡ"

"I've said what I wanted to say. If you don't understand it still, then it's not my problem anymore."

He made a move to walk away but Seokjin spoke again that made him stop.

"I still love you, Seok-ah. It never disappeared."

Hoseok chuckled, looking over his shoulder with a small smile.

He saw how Seokjin looked relieved, like he was forgiven. Hoseok let him think like that.

"Do you want to know what I found out at the time we were not seeing each other?"

Seokjin nodded almost immediately.

"You don't really love me."

He said so softly, as if he's done with everything. And he /is/.

"You just don't want to let go of me who has accepted you when everyone doesn't. And I wish I didn't. Accept you. Because this hurts."

"No, Hoseok... Pleaseㅡ"

"When gou were rejected for your attitude, I was there for you. I accepted you for who you were even if my friend were telling me you're not being honest with me. They're right. It took you five years, and a few months of us dating before telling me.

You only come clean to me about your made up stories about your life when I asked if it was even possible. But even so, I accepted you. But I wish I didn't. So you would have not mistaken that admiration you have with me with the /love/ you were claiming.

At some point, maybe I'm just at the same level as Namjoon. A someone you didn't want to lose. I don't want to say this but I regret dating you."

Hoseok sighed when he saw the crestfallen face Seokjin was making. "You know me. I might hate my exes but I never regret dating anyone. Why, when they gave me happiness at some point. But with you..." He shook his head before smiling at Seokjin.

"You gave me nothing but pain. I thought you were the person to save me, to fix me. But I was wrong."

He lifted a hand towards his heart as if massaging it a little as he let out the words.

"You broke me beyond repair. And maybe, I loathe you for that."

And with that, he gave him a final nod before leaving the cafe; leaving his ex behind.

Oh how he wish he could leave the memories and pain behind as well.

But time will tell. His heart will heal in no time. He's just had to wait until then.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓷𝓭

[A/N: Thank you for the ones reading this au! Actually, writing this was hard because it was something that happened to someone I know. But she gave me consent to use it. So yeah.

But anyways, if you have any questions and/or needed clarifications, feel free to dm me or scream at me in my cc. Love you guys! https://curiouscat.me/lei_yoonmin 

@threadreaderapp unroll