I’m gonna tell you a secret...

All those things you recommend to people with mental health issues? Those are good things. They help, if you can do them.

The issue isn’t lack of ideas. Its not even depression that’s stopping us from starting yoga. It’s executive function.

Executive function is the little executive assistant in your brain. The part that keeps track of tasks and slides you a little “hey you’re doing this next”. Like, say you always put on deodorant after you brush your teeth, it’s routine. That’s executive function.

I, however, am a grown ass woman who carries deodorant in her bag because it doesn’t matter that I’ve been putting on deodorant every day for 20 years, my executive function doesn’t slip me that reminder. I have to consciously remember it.

Imagine that everyone starts each day with a stack of 100 post it notes. You get 100 “oh right, this thing next” moments in each day, and when you’re out, you’re out.

But some people also have an executive assistant with unlimited post it notes, and some people don’t.

100 post it notes might seem like a lot to you. But some people are lucky to make it out of the house before running out of post its.

You might have piles of unused post it’s around you because your executive function is on top of its game. But some people don’t.

And those feel good things? They might give you an extra post it note. Oh hell, let’s make it 5. 5 post it’s if you go to yoga.

Minus the 25+ you’ll use figuring out how to fit it into your schedule, whether or not there’s a studio near you, and what style you like.

So going to yoga for those 5 extra post it notes could result in more post it notes, assuming you have enough support systems in place to make it to yoga while using less than 5 post it’s.

It’s possible! But it’s really hard without support systems.

On top of all this, we use post it notes deciding what we’re going to use post it notes on, because remember, no assistant there to put things in order for us.

So, yeah, somedays we end up covered in 99 wasted post it notes and the only thing we did was turn on the TV.

It’s not that “you should try yoga” is a bad idea, but it’s the equivalent of telling someone standing in the ashes of their burned down house that some succulents would really brighten things up.

They would brighten things up. But they’re like step 12,873 after this mess.

The good doctor stopped by to explain executive function in medical terms if that’s your jam! https://twitter.com/markwwilsonmd/status/1132009366788411398?s=21

So how can you help someone who’s struggling with mental health? Forget ideas, they’re drowning in ideas, use your post it’s!

If you’re not that close, instead of “yoga!” Try “hey, I’m gonna check out the yoga studio across the street on Tuesday, wanna join me?”

If you are close, don’t judge them for their mess. Invite yourself over, bring food and enough for left overs. Do their dishes while you’re there. Be kind and caring because they’ll feel embarrassed but if you can do this in a loving way, you’ll save them so many post it’s.

I feel like sometimes people only want to help when they see someone striving for a goal, someone with a spark. But you can’t be “driven” when you’re out of gas.

We have a spark, it’s somewhere under this mountain of laundry and crumpled up post it’s that say “try yoga!”

If you manage people with executive functioning issues you can make the world a better place for them. You’re the manager. Break down projects into tasks, give deadlines for each task. Focus on one at a time. CHECK IN, and build a good relationship so they can tell you what’s up.

And for gods’ sakes. No one likes filling out expense reports or receipt forms or writing down how they did something or any of that nonsense. Find a system or have an expense party once a month. Grab a couple snacks and drinks and everyone sits together and does the boring work.

No matter your role in this person’s life, reduce guilt and shame in any way possible. We know we’re not getting things done. Make it safe for us to ask for help, but also notice when we get quiet or pull away and reach out to us.

PS: Spoon theory fans, yes, totally similar. But spoon theory is generally meant for chronic illness/pain. So spoons and post it notes aren’t the same but some people are managing both!

PPS: Check out fork theory if you haven’t seen it! I love it. http://jenrose.com/fork-theory/ 

PPPS: if you got this far and you’re a little misty-eyed, like a dozen people have told me this thread brought them to tears with relief, so you are DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!

Also, super happy I’m not the only one who forgets deodorant. Thanks #NeurodivergentSquad!

Last note, I promise, if you don’t know what you don’t know about whether or not you can even do anything next, you need @dustyexner.

Dusty’s my ADHD coach. You don’t need a diagnosis. In fact if you’re stuck trying to get a diagnosis but dreading phone calls, you need Dusty.