Stop saying that borderline personality disorder (BPD) is "largely untreatable" and is a disorder of "manipulation and abuse."

Both are untrue and I will die on this hill.

For starters, BPD is highly stigmatized. So how can we know what treatment outcomes actually are, when so many clinicians have a self-professed bias against clients who have this disorder? If folks aren't getting compassionate and competent care, how can we trust the results?

And in fact, this is being proven wrong by more recent, longer-term studies. The American Journal of Psychiatry reported in 2010 that in a span of decade, 86% of patients stopped meeting the criteria for a diagnosis after four years and half had recovered COMPLETELY.

Secondly, being manipulative is not exclusive to BPD and it is not a recognized symptom of BPD. Fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, emotional sensitivity, chronic emptiness, self-injury, impulsivity, and dissociative symptoms are what characterize BPD.

Correlation is not causation, either. Someone with heightened emotional sensitivity and paranoia might be inclined to lash out in destructive ways — but that's not unique to borderline personality disorder itself. Manipulation is NOT a feature of the disorder.

There's also this pervasive idea that people with BPD become abusers. And this is, point blank, a lie. It's an outright lie, and if you're saying this, you are willfully perpetuating the stigma around this painful disorder.

Abusers are ABUSERS. There is no single disorder that says someone will or will not be an abusive person. Abuse, in simple terms, is a pattern in which someone uses harmful means to overpower others. It is not an illness. Abuse is by and large a choice. Mental illness is not.

The reality is, someone with a mental illness is more likely to be a VICTIM of abuse than a perpetrator, and borderline personality disorder is not an exception to this rule. Many with BPD are victims, and when you characterize them as abusers, you are harming survivors.

And listen, I am a survivor. I was abused by someone with BPD and developed complex trauma as a result. I am not unfamiliar with the particular flavor of abuse that happens when an abuser also has a deep fear of abandonment and emotional reactivity.

But abusers don't have a singular presentation. They intersect with every single community. And while it's certainly convenient to blame abuse on something like BPD? There are so many folks with BPD you're harming just to have a shortcut to describe your pain. It's wrong.

If we continue to stigmatize BPD to the extent that we do, people will continue to suffer unnecessarily. And I can guarantee you, with time, we will look back with so much shame that we EVER treated folks in pain with such cruelty.

The reliable research around BPD is scarce, because clinical bias and a muddled understanding of the disorder limits the information that we have. But we don't need research to tell us that when someone is suffering from a mental health disorder, we treat them with compassion.

The reality is, the more we stigmatize mental illnesses, the more difficult seeking out care and pursuing recovery will be. This is particularly true of disorders where relational healing is a necessary part of the process.

And when we blame people with BPD and tell them that their suffering is their own fault, and that they are a burden and a danger to those around them, what chance do they have at getting compassionate, comprehensive care?

The problem isn't that people with BPD are "untreatable." It's that our mental health system is dehumanizing, and it doesn't want to treat folks with BPD with dignity, compassion, and patience — which is their right, as is ANYONE'S right when they ask for help.

You can't blame someone with BPD for being "untreatable" if clinicians, by and large, don't want to actually treat people with BPD in the first place. That's not a disorder being "untreatable." That's clinical bias and an unwillingness to provide comprehensive care.

It's time to stop blaming people for their own suffering, and consider the fact that very few — IF ANY — people would actually CHOOSE a mental illness. That being the case highlights the real disparity: We are systematically failing people with a painful mental health condition.

My abuser had BPD. But you know who else does? Some of my very best friends on the planet. Their sensitivity gives them a depth of care and a kind of empathy that is truly a gift. And I've watched them struggle and I refuse to allow people to marginalize them any further.

And while I'm up here on my soapbox, let's keep it : If your MH awareness month doesn't include destigmatizing conditions like borderline personality disorder? It's no longer about mental health. It's cherrypicking illnesses for good PR. And that, friends, is just ableist.

For anyone out there living with BPD, please know that I see you. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to survive. I believe in your healing, I believe in your fighting spirit, and I'm so grateful that you exist. The rest of us have so much to learn from you.