Story Time: The First & Last Time I Had Female Roommates

1. This story very VERY recent and I honestly shouldn’t be telling it but it’s funny as hell so ima tell it anyway

2. ima give these people fake names because there’s a lot of people involved in this HOE FIASCO and ion want y’all to get confused.. plus I’m pretty sure they bfs still follow me so

3. First off I ain’t even wanna room with these bitches because they went to cookman and y’all know my history with cookman girls... Krystal.. Tez Ex... I’m pretty sure heaven went there for a semester as well

4. But they put up an ad looking for a roomie and rent was cheap so I capitalized on the opportunity

5. We didn’t talk much, more so hi & bye, but they cleaned up after themselves and they rent was always on time. You RARELY get that with roommates so that’s all that mattered to me

6. Now I KNEW these girls had bfs because I hoop with these niggas and they did not like me because I stayed with they girls but once they found out I was dating my gf Kim they was cool

7. So it’s the weekend, I’m in the living room playing my game enjoying my day off when Tyra (Roomie #1) comes home with a nigga that ain’t her bf

8. I continued to mind my business..

9. she start cooking for this nigga and now I’m sick because cheating is one thing but once you start COOKING for ANOTHER nigga you have crossed to the dark side and can never come back

10. So homeboy comes and sits next to me, we chat it up.. run a couple games of 2K. This nigga beat my ass by 40 I was fucking hot but I just dapped him up and said good game

11. nigga 6 foot 5, tattoos and light skin he not supposed to be good at video games he supposed to be good at takin selfies!! Homeboy had me fucked up & deep down I was rooting for this nigga downfall. The DreadGods didn’t fail to disappoint

12. So Lyric (Roomie #2) comes home and sees Me and him playing the game and ask me who my friend is, I said naw this Tyra friend. She look at Tyra and gave her that str8 face look y’all give y’all homegirls when they being hoes

13. She don’t say nun and go to her room, Tyra and Chris Browns tether chat it up some more then head to her room. He start clapping her up, you can hear her ass all thru the apartment

14. So I needed a reason not to hear that shit so I decided to take the trash out.

15. So I’m walking back and I see a black charger pull up I’m like... is that Tyra’s Boyfriend

16. I take the back way and SPRINT to the apartment, boyfriend was already out the car heading up the steps!! I couldn’t miss this

17. I beat him there and as I get thru the door Tyra’s in the living room arguing with lyric! Homeboy like he bout to cry.. I can tell he never been in this situation before. Nigga aint built like me I would’ve already hit that window

18. So get this right Tyra is telling Lyric to PRETEND that homeboy is there for her instead.. Lyric protest but eventually gives in. As homeboy knocks on the door Tyra says “Hey baby” and leaps in this nigga arms

19. Lyric in the kitchen hugged up with dude .. Tyra and her bf sit on the other couch and start talking.. she knew she couldn’t take that nigga to her room because it smelled like sex

20. see I KNEW that they bfs knew each other but apparently these hoes never double date, I already seen Tyra bf looking towards the kitchen suspiciously

21. And to make matters WORSE lyric is now kissing on dude neck.. dawg I was so shook I’ve been thru some shit but actually seeing it from a bystanders point of view is so fucking hilarious

22. So tell me how lyric take the nigga to her room right.. about 10 mins go by.. and Lyric bed loud as hell like if you sit on it it makes this annoying squealing squeak.. Well that bihh started squeaking

23. At one point you here that nigga say “this my pussy huh, she respond “it’s yours daddy” TYRA SITTING ON THE COUCH LIKE

24. Dawg homeboy smashed both roommates in less than 1 HOUR!! I checked myself to see if he somehow absorbed my Nine Tailed Fuck Boy out me

25. it gets even MORE WILD.. 20 mins go by and guess who start banging on the door like the police ... Lyric Boyfriend

26. Tyra bf Jumps up & lets him in and lyric emerges from the room talking bout “hey baby” and tries to hug him, this nigga mushes her face back and starts cussing her out

27. I look at this nigga shoes... black forces.. Tyra bf definitely texted this nigga because he came prepared

28. Tyra BF gonna say” on that note I’ll let y’all deal with that.. and takes Tyra and they go outside

29. I’m sitting in the living room and they just arguing he like “WHERE THAT NIGGA AT” and they go back to her room. She follows him and shuts the door behind her.

30. now I’m scared because they in there for about 5 mins and I ain’t hear nothing.. then I see homeboy come out of Tyra room, the bathrooms are connected, he must’ve slipped in there as soon as bf came home.

31. He gonna whisper to me “aye where they at” then Lyric bed start squeaking...

32. Dawg the look on homeboy face he start crying and say “dawg you gotta help me I ain’t even know they was on all that.. this nigga ass naked

33. I decided that i should assist a lil, I got up, opened the balcony door.. if he wanna escape he gonna have to earn it like I’ve had too foh

34. Homeboy runs into Tyra room to get his clothes, as he comes out Tyra & Her Bf walk back in .. I already knew after this I was moving out

35. “AYE BRO WTF AYE HE OUT HERE!!”

36. Now homeboy had a window for opportunity.. the balcony was open and we only up 2 stories.. he had a decision to make. Ass whooping or the leap of faith to freedom?

37. I learned that day that niggas ain’t built like me he ran for the door and Tyra Boyfriend grabbed him and slammed him in the ground and started beating his ass

38. Tyra gonna say “YEAH BABY BEAT HIS ASS”

39. Lyric Boyfriend come out in his boxers.. he like “BITCH I KNEW IT” and they both start stomping buddy

40. I’m like damm I should help this nigga but then I remembered he beat me in 2K

41. they eventually stopped and let him run home naked lmao took that nigga clothes and all, Lyric got slapped by her man and it turned into a whole thing police got called and shit, Lyric snitched in Tyra too

42. Tyra Boyfriend broke her phone and left

43. So hours went bye and Tyra comes out and asked if she can use my phone to call her mom and I said yeah.. she steps away and comes back and says thank you.

44. I check my phone and notice no calls were made and that I’m logged out of Instagram.. I look and see she’s logged into hers.. a dm notification popped up on my screen..

45. I open it and it’s homeboy... she DM this nigga and guess what she said?

46. “Link Up?”

Moral: I only room with niggas now.