AU where Jungkook is cursed by a wicked witch to only say “Yeehaw” for the rest of his life until he finds his True Love’s Kiss without turning them off

According to Moniker Magazine Vol. 18, the prince of the Eastern Isles is mute.

This is not exactly true—Prince Jungkook /can/ speak, although only one word has ever left his lips since he was 14 years old.

“Your Highness? The candidates have arrived at the main palace.”

“Yee,” answers Jungkook, rising from his study desk to look at his butler.

“I’ve arranged for the first meeting tonight.”

“Haw,” affirmed Jungkook. “Yee. Haw. Yeehaw.”

His butler looks terrified out of his wits—sweat pooling atop his brow, a nervous twitch to his jaw. “Sorry?”

Jungkook massages the bridge of his nose and sighs. Sometimes his servants—despite the number of years they’re worked for him—still struggle to decipher his intentions.

He points at the clock, then points at the ground.

“You will meet them /now/?”

Jungkook nods. “Yee.”

Inside the gleaming golden grand hall waits six fine young men on one knee, their heads lowered in reverence.

“Your Highness,” they chorus in unison as Jungkook sweeps in.

This is where the the gossip about his being mute comes into play. In public, Jungkook minimizes speech.

He sits by the right hand side of his father’s throne as each man introduces himself. Candidates for his TLFK, all of them.

Yoongi of the Southern Isles: son of a Duke.

Jimin is the prince of mermen, but for this trip he asked a sea witch to grant him legs for three days.

Namjoon is a young inventor from Far Earth, not royalty but highly revered as the mayor’s eldest son.

Taehyung is an archer of Elven and Leprechaun descent, heir to the biggest pot of gold the land has to offer.

Seokjin is a wizard who killed a dark lord without nostrils.

And Hoseok is apparently the son of Helios, some sort of sun god on a mountain range far from here. Which kind of makes him royalty.

Jungkook hardly cares about their titles or their positions. He only cares about their lips—to a certain extent.
He waves for his butler to speak.

Sejin clears his throat, dusts off his lapels, and says: “Very well. Each of you shall go on.... arranged dates, with His Royal Highness, and he shall pick a partner out of you six gentlemen.”

Jungkook holds up a hand, and Sejin pauses. He rises from his seat and strides over to

each man, who are still bent on one knee on the floor. Jungkook gestures for them to stand, and they oblige.

He levels each gentleman his most smoldering Look, and when none of them look away in embarrassment, Jungkook turns to Sejin with an approving nod.

Sejin looks almost reluctant when he says, “But first. We shall play a game of Flinch.”

Jungkook has this theory—if high-speed, torpedo fruits don’t make a man flinch, then nothing can. Whoever survives his Flinch test can surely take the shocking news of his curse.

That afternoon, messengers are sent out to spread word of the Prince’s event. The entire kingdom gathers at the palace steps for the legendary game of Flinch. Banners are put up on every shop front.

Who shall win the Prince’s hand in marriage?

As the hour drags past, the winners and go-home-team are announced:

Stay At The Palace Squad:
yoongi
jimin
namjoon
taehyung

Go Home Because They Screamed Squad:
2seok

The commoners and merchants scream and cheer and cry—for the fallen, and for those who have made it to the next round. Bets are made and exchanged.

“I’m betting on that Elf.”

“My money goes to the merman.”

“You are all fools, clearly the inventor shall win.”

The next day, the surviving candidates are invited for high tea with Jungkook.

He still has not spoken, which seems to set the men on edge—he doesn’t miss the anxious looks that pass around the table over peppermint leaves and prim slices of cake.

“Have we upset you?”

This question comes from Taehyung, sitting across him. It earns him an elbow jab from Namjoon, who whispers, “Don’t be insensitive, think of his condition.”

Jungkook sighs. So they must really think he can’t speak. But he shakes his head to let Taehyung know that he’s not upset.

The proceedings continue, and the solo dates begin. First up: Jimin and a walk through the palace gardens.

“Pardon my ramblings, but I’ve never touched grass before,” gushes the merman. “Or smelled the aroma of eucalyptus!”

Jungkook clears his throat, and Jimin looks up.

But before he can say anything, Jimin grabs his hand. “Fear not. I hope you’ll not be so nervous around me, because I understand the frustration of wanting to be heard. You needn’t speak a word. What do you think of visiting the aqua realm?”

Jungkook, moved, says: “Yeehaw.”

Jimin’s eyes widen. “Yee..?”

Jungkook nods frantically. “Haw-haw.” /Yes, yes./

Jimin narrows his eyes. “I understand. You have been cursed. But I don’t care, so—“

Jungkook puckers his lips, readying for a kiss.

“—let’s stay friends, shall we?”

Oh. Jungkook’s face falls.

Next: Min Yoongi, the Duke’s son.

They’re tasting the different dishes of walwortas cake when Yoongi tells him, “I’m in love with the merman.”

Jungkook spits out his cake. “Yee?”

Yoongi doesn’t seem to care about his language barrier. “Jimin has great legs. I’m curious about his tail. I write him, you know, a poem for all his little things.”

Only then does it dawn on Jungkook—how the mermaid and the Duke’s son were reportedly sighted strolling about the+

marketplace earlier this morning, hand in hand. The fond gazes exchanged over their tea session.

In his surprise, Jungkook’s charade of the unspeaking prince falls away. He shakes Yoongi’s hand in encouragement. “Yeehaw!”

Yoongi sighs. “You think he likes me back?”

“Yee. Haw.”

In their quest to win Jungkook’s heart, two of his would-be consorts have fallen in love. How mysterious, the way the world works.

“You shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself,” says Yoongi. “People who love you will understand.”

“Yeehaw?”

“Definitely. Yee to the fucking haw, mate.”

If Yoongi hadn’t fallen for Jimin first, Jungkook supposes he’s have kissed the guy for accepting him wholeheartedly.

But the courting must continue!

This time ‘round, with Taehyung, Jungkook makes haste to reveal himself. They’re at the royal stables when he cries, “Yeehaw!”

Taehyung pauses and looks at him in surprise, eyes wide. “Your Highness?”

Oh, shmuck. Jungkook’s done it. He’s scared his prospects away. “Y-yeehaw..?” he repeats more cautiously.

Taehyung’s face clears up as he gets saddled up. “Oh. Ohhhh. YEEHAW!”

“Yeehaw!”

“Yeee—“

“Haw!”

They yodel their way in tandem through the entire horseback riding date, and it’s only as he’s retired to his chambers that Jungkook realizes: he had so much fun he completely forgot about trying to get Taehyung to kiss him.

And he doesn’t even feel like he’ll kiss back, really.

Which brings him to the last candidate: inventor Kim Namjoon.

“I heard of your curse from Yoongi,” begins Namjoon.

“Haw?” asks Jungkook. /Oh yeah?/

“And...” Turning shy, Namjooon’s cheeks flush as he brings out a giant machine that looks like a radio. “I made you something.”

“Yee yee. Hawyee yeehaw,” stammers Jungkook, flustered. Namjoon didn’t have to give him anything!

To his surprise, the radio flickers to life, glowing purple. “You did not have to go to such lengths for me,” it cites.

Jungkook’s gasp dies in his throat. “Yee?”

/What?/

“Don’t worry,” assures Namjoon. “It was an old blueprint, but I never got the chance to turn it into a prototype. I wanted to see if it would work. I’m glad. Tell me—how were you cursed, Your Highness?”

“Yeehaw,” Jungkook answers, eyes glistening.

“A witch,” Radio Koo says.

Namjoon nods in understanding. “I see. It must have been so difficult.”

Jungkook yee’s and haw’s some more, and Radio Koo translates: “I was fourteen when I accidentally trampled on some of her mushrooms on my favorite horse. I told her to yeehaw tf off, and she got MAD mad.”

“That wasn’t a very nice thing to do,” observes Namjoon, face stern.

“I know,” Jungkook answers. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

“And how can the curse be broken?”

Jungkook looks away. He can’t bring himself to say it, doesn’t want Namjoon to think he’s only using him for his lips.

“A secret.”

Namjoon’s eyes flash with interest. “As an inventor, I’ve always found myself invested in the secrets of the world. If I may, Your Highness, I would like to stay a couple more days and.... s-spend time with you.”

Jungkook’s lips twitch upwards. “Yeehaw?”

“Indeed.”

A week goes by, and in that time Namjoon brings him more inventions that makes it easier for Jungkook to be understood by his subjects and servants, even Sejin. Jungkook learns to face public scrutiny again, and even turns up for Yoongi and Jimin’s wedding in the aqua realm.

During the wedding reception’s dance ceremony, Jungkook drags Namjoon to the dancefloor for a new song.

Blushing furiously, Namjoon meets Jungkook’s smile with panicked eyes, until he guides the inventor’s hand to his waist and they start swaying to the tune of All Star — Shrek.

“Somebody once told me
The world was gonna roll me
I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed...”

Little seahorses and bubbles skitter past them, and in the glow of sea plankton, Namjoon’s eyes are brighter than the moon. “Your Highness.”

“Haw?” Jungkook hums.

“I have a confession to make.”

Jungkook blinks. “Yeehaw?”

“I...” Namjoon swallows. “I yeehaw you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen. Maybe yeehaw can be their always. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a miniature version of Radio Koo, and says:

“I yeehaw you 3000.”

And Namjoon’s eyes glitter with fondness as he leans in for a kiss.

[Epilogue]

“Your Highness,” Sejin says after clearing his throat outside Jungkook’s study. “The delegates for your wedding have arrived.”

With a growing smile, Jungkook untangles his fingers from Namjoon, who sits across his desk as they work in silence. “Please bring them in.”

THE END