Since I joining a new team last year, I've done about 500 1:1's.

500.
I didn't really do 1:1's before this.

Oh sure, I had 1 manager that one time who did biweekly 1:1's for about 6 months. And another who would sometimes just...not show up to them?

But mostly...no 1:1's.
When I started my new role, I asked for advice from a lot of folks.

@livlab recommended @managertools

*Everyone* recommended @lara_hogan's work

Others mentioned books like, First 90 Days, Debugging Teams, @skamille's Manager's Path, and all those Lencioni books.
All of the resources I read and listened to mentioned 1:1's as an important tool.

So I set up:
☑️ Weekly 1:1's with my team
☑️ Biweekly 1:1's with my manager
☑️ Biweekly 1:1's with my PM/Eng peers (Senior Managers)
☑️ Monthly 1:1's with my UX peers (senior folks on other teams)
I also set up two lunches a week as "bookable" by anyone at Google.*

That's how I get to meet with a good mix of other folks.

*I'm an introvert and verbally asking people if they want to get lunch takes way too much effort. Like...I don't know why, but it is HARD.
So, what I'm reflecting on now is:

What's been good about 1:1's?
What could be better?

What are 1:1's good for?
What are they terrible for?

How do 1:1's differ when you're the other person's:
- Manager
- Direct report
- Peer
Part of me can't believe that I spend about 2 work days a week meeting with individuals.

And part of me is sad that I only spend 30 minutes a week 1:1 with each of my team members.
(I also read many Management lit & HBR articles about 1:1's. Cringe.)
Things I've learned:

1. Context is everything.

The practices I learned and use every days are great at big, "mature" companies with a strong bent toward developing people and somewhat independent workforces.

It's entirely different at a startup, agency, with contractors, etc.
2. (um, these are not in any order)

Good one-on-ones are like literally everything in life: they take practice. It's going to be awkward at first, but of you meet regularly, it'll start to feel normal.
3. Thinking about and planning for 1:1's is a job for both a manager and their direct report.

You should both have expectations for the conversation.
4. Your role differs from meeting to meeting, so it helps to group skip-level, direct report, peer, and manager 1:1's

@lara_hogan's calendar defrag concept can help with thinking about roles and mindsets https://larahogan.me/blog/manager-energy-drain/
5. I prefer doing all of my team 1:1's on Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning/early pm.

It gives people a chance to get the week started before we chat and it gives us time (the rest of the week) to work on what we discuss.

Friday afternoon 1:1's = terrible.
5 cont... There are some management blogs that try to make #FeedbackFriday a thing

Don't do that to people.

Friday is a good time for self-reflection, but not a great time for developmental (aka stuff to learn/grow in) feedback.

Why: there's no opportunity to practice or plan
5 cont'd, DESIGNER PERSPECTIVE

DON'T DO CRITS ON FRIDAYS

what are you doing? trying to make your team work on the weekend?
6. The 1:1 should be
2/3 their (your report's) stuff
1/3 your (manager) stuff

As a manager, you're mostly there to listen.
7. When you're not listening, one thing you'll do is provide feedback.

Telling people what they did a great job on is the *most important* form of feedback.

The SBI model helps me make feedback useful:

S - Situation
B - Behavior
I - Impact
e.g.

Situation: Great job facilitating that team mtg on hiring, their priorities weren't well-defined.

Behavior: Getting the team to focus on immediate needs by charting their plans got them to agreement.

Impact: Now we'll hire for a strong research foundation on the product.
(you're not supposed to lead with "great job" but putting the praise at the end makes me feel like psychopath)

Anyways...

You probably practice giving negative feedback ALL THE TIME.

Try giving more positive feedback.
11. Sometimes (a lot of the time) it helps to talk to someone outside your office.

But did you know that less than 10% of employees use EAPs (Employee Assistance Programs?)

Services like Empower Work are here for you. https://www.empowerwork.org/ 
12. Yikes. https://twitter.com/elisefoley/status/1129371470835138563
13. Each week our 1:1's have a theme.

A theme helps me discuss mentors or prioritization with people who *don't* ask, not just people who are already thinking about it.

The theme isn't the focus of the 1:1, it's an opening for future conversations.
14. Sometimes things come up at work (performance review season, walkouts, illness) so I ask the team to update each other via email.

The goal is not "getting an update"

The goal is to have someone reflect on barriers for their priorities.
14b. Here's the template:

1. Priority Name
- What I need to do:
- What worries me:

2. Priority Name
- What I need to do:
- What worries me:
Poll: How do you say "1:1's"

(Seeing some local differences in the responses to this thread!)
Reviewing my list of my recurring 1:1's
I'm reviewing my 1:1's list because the TL & PM for a team want to start meeting my regularly with me and my first reaction (in my brain) was 'No, I like y'all but I don't have time for that' which is TERRIBLE because we are all trying to make our teams great.
16. So I'm looking for feedback on 1:1's from my peers - what are they looking for? What's helpful? What's not? What sort of cadence makes sense?

I'm putting together a non-anonymous survey that I'll have to hound people to complete so I can figure out the best way to meet.
(this is also why I'm sooo excited that I just opened up a new role for a UX Research Manager on our team. I need a partner in all of this.)
17. Peer 1:1's

I meet with my Eng and PM peers (other managers) biweekly.

They're the people who literally started our org, so the meetings are a combination of updates/feedback, org strategy, and collaboration (what are we doing together).
18. I have peer 1:1's with other UXers: research and design mgrs in adjacent teams.

These 1:1's focus on the specific issues/needs we have as managers of UX teams.

- Collaboration
- Team effectiveness
- Positioning team within larger org
- People stuff
- Support
20. Where I struggle:

Communicating at the right quantity and frequency with the clinical area Eng & PM leads that partner with UXers from my team.
20, cont

I want my teams (the Design & Research pairs) to be primary with those PMs and TLs

I don't want to be a hub for communication/decisions.

I do want to provide the support necessary to make great things and have good relationships.
(side note)

21. Today, while chatting with a fellow Little league parent, I mentioned that I was tired from biking and from doing career conversations (they're an hour! There's prep!)

And this scientist with a lab was like "hmm...I should probably do that with postdocs"
And then he told me a story about his famous advisor who *knew* that one of the postdocs was poisoning his team and yet this guy's mantra was "I don't have time for the things that are going right, let alone the things going wrong."
Y'all
Academia is different because there's a huge focus on solo work.

But if you make software, you probably don't do it alone. You're part of a team. And being a team is what makes you successful.

And when there are failures…who's responsible? https://www.inc.com/ron-gibori/great-leaders-take-blame-pass-along-credit.html
22.

Biweekly peer 1:1's with other leads are learning sessions and planning sessions.

We walk through org strategy and how to shape the org for executing on that strategy.

- Priorities
- Staffing
- Collaboration across orgs

Biweekly is enough time that STUFF HAS HAPPENED
Peer 1:1's are about relationship building *and* leveraging the relationship to get stuff done

(Which in turn helps build your relationship)

How to work with engineers: https://medium.com/the-year-of-the-looking-glass/how-to-work-with-engineers-a3163ff1eced
If you're a designer?

Well, this is one way people might try to work with you...by thinking about...people.

Except for the "would gladly give up nights and weekends just to sit together and make stuff happen" part.

No. Just...no. https://medium.com/the-year-of-the-looking-glass/how-to-work-with-designers-6c975dede146
23. Peer 1:1's are a great space for hatching schemes.

1. Have an idea that requires more than 1 person to get it done

2. Convince your peer to do it with you (might take multiple 1:1's to do this)

3. Use 1:1's to check in on progress and continually align on scheme
23 cont

How do you convince other people to do stuff? First, most advice about this on the Internet is just fucking terrible.

Don't touch people.

Just don't.
24. If you want people to do things, without bossing them into it, you are doing *influencing*

This is professional driver on an enclosed track sort of stuff, so let's break it down.
24a. Most influencing advice hails back to the Cohen-Bradford model because they're the dudes who wrote the 1989 book "Influence without Authority"

The core concept is "reciprocity"
24b.

All of the diagrams in the book are bad and whoever approved them should feel bad.

There is no additional meaning created by this being a diagram vs a list.

But the ideas are good! So...
Now look at the principles behind Getting To Yes (the book they use to teach us negotiation)
25. I'm not going to get deep into these models in a 1:1's thread, but what's going to save you time as a manager is:

+ Learning these models
+ Listening to people
+ Knowing where they/you are in the right model
+ Applying skills (you do it or they do it) to resolve issues
26. Pattern-matching gone wrong

You know how I said you're going to get good at models and pattern-matching and you're going to solve everyone's problems?

That's not exactly how it works
26b. You're going to get good at models and pattern-matching and then you're just going to shut up.
26c. Be the rubber duck
😘👌 https://twitter.com/LeeFlower/status/1148350933744660487
Oh Captain, my Captain
27. I do this all the time. Four 1:1's in a day is *a lot* of eye contact.

Also good: looking at something together, whiteboarding together. Whew.

https://twitter.com/Nicole_Cliffe/status/1149426798842662912?s=19
28. This month, lots of 1:1's with the team involved discussing relationships.

1:1's are for building a relationship.

That's job #1 https://twitter.com/jonesabi/status/1149838381943148544?s=19
Just starting 1:1's?

For 2-3 months (8-12 1:1's) DON'T TRY TO DO STUFF WITH THE 1:1

Just get to know people.

This podcast from 2005 (!!!) will help you think about one way to do 1:1's

https://www.manager-tools.com/2005/07/the-single-most-effective-management-tool-part-1
30. Peer 1:1's

This is Month 2 of the peer 1:1's I've been rolling out with fellow leads.

The first month was *terrible*

I had an agenda, but it was just...weird. I wanted to know team priorities, but they hadn't completed OKRs.
30b. This month was a transformation in our leads 1:1's

Why?

We switched from projects to people:
- Are they happy?
- What do they need for growth and development?
- Is the work a good fit?
- How do we help them?

It *completely* changed the conversation.
30c. I learned the hard way that asking people the status of "not done" or super-ambiguous projects makes people sad.

Instead, approach from a shared need and understand how you can help.
31. I'm hiring a manager for the first time, so now I need to put my management practice into words (instead of just doing it)

Instead of starting with principles, I'm starting with how our team spends it's time.

What are our priorities?

Priorities reflect principles.
There's a risk to this:

Time ➡️ Priorities ➡️ Principles

What if your time isn't aligned with your priorities?

What if your priorities aren't aligned with your principles?

Once you reflect, you can fix those problems. But you need to know they are problems! Reflect!
Once you start reflecting on this regularly and working to fix it, then every time you start working on something, you'll ask yourself:

"Is this important?"*

And if it's not, do something important instead.

*Has different meanings at work and in the whole rest of life
This feeds in to some of the Skip-level feedback I got from my team.

Skip-level feedback isn't a 1:1, so it gets a whole thread over here: https://twitter.com/jonesabi/status/1156380288810807297
32. Today I'm starting a project I've been thinking about for awhile:

A calendar for managers.

I got the idea from...my days of running a frozen food review site.

I had an editorial calendar: turkey dinners ahead if Thanksgiving! Lean Cuisines in January! Etc.
The idea of the calendar is that I'll use the ebb and flow of American and Google culture to create, um, synergy, between what's happening at a company and what I'm focusing on as a manager.

Examples:
- Performance review season
- New Year's resolutions
- Spring cleaning
It's cheesy, but I think it will work.

Also, I have a new manager starting tomorrow, so I need to start sharing more of my planning in advance of implementing it with my team.
33. The tricky parts of a 1:1's calendar:

a) It has to be a dual-track thing so that I can address the different needs of a team if ICs *and* a new manager.

b) I'm going to make it visible to my team and other managers. I want suggestions, feedback, ideas…no improvisation
35. Today I did "Transition 1:1's" to properly* transition two of my team members to a new manager.

We discussed what makes for a good (and not-good) 1:1.

*Transition 1:1's: a thing I made up because it seemed like a good idea
Good 1:1's:
👯 Relationship-focused
😊 Report has agency (not command-oriented)

Most important? Listening.
When a manager really listens to a person.

Bad 1:1's
🥺 Transactional
🙄 Report feels like they're supposed to bring a list of topics
😬 Manager saves feedback for the 1:1
Doing a "Transition 1:1" gave me an opportunity to model the ratio of talking/steering (2/3 report, 1/3 manager)

And it showed how 1:1's are collaborative: both the manager and the report come prepared.
36. Data that illustrates why 1:1's will get your team further than offering the same spots as office hours https://twitter.com/JessicaCalarco/status/1184921178198216706?s=19
37. Everything up there ☝️ only works if you have trust.

If your team trusts you. If you trust your team. If you trust your peers. If your peers trust you.

Without trust, there's no use to 1:1's.
38. Back around #24 I noted that peer 1:1's are great for planning together.

Peer 1:1's are also important as a form of collective awareness.

When you're a solo manager, it's easy to be heads-down on team needs and miss larger issues in your org.
When you have a team of peer managers (or senior IC peers - they don't have to be managers!), you can improve your overall org awareness.

Like a zebra. https://twitter.com/realscientists/status/1191342146827231235?s=19
39. Surprise 1:1's are scary

I learned this the first time when I was literally giving someone an unexpected bonus and they looked frightened.

Now I preface surprises like that with "I have good news, let's chat"

Still freaks people out (sigh) https://twitter.com/cfhirschorn/status/1179365839780401155?s=19
Maybe ZERO SURPRISES is the right way to do this?

Even a surprise calendar invite has me going 😟 https://twitter.com/pyrrhl/status/1192094825274851328?s=19
40. 1:1:1's!!!

Whenever a new person joins my team I meet when them and their manager (1:1:1) to discuss performance, career planning, etc.

I'm making a template for internal transfer conversations (1:1:1's) *and* for the nuts/bolts of transferring (seating assignments)
40b. For re-orgs, what are the things you want your previous manager to discuss with your new manager?
(Strengths, areas for growth, ???)

What are the things that you don't want to discuss? Or what things should be saved for a 1:1 with just the new manager, not during the 1:1:1?
Me: I'm just going to throw together a quick Google site with all of my 1:1 resources.

Also me:
41. A lot of my job seems to be people saying things to me and then me saying those things back to them.
42. Walking 1:1's are good for difficult conversations, the ones where you want to focus on dialogue, not documentation.

Shoulder-to-shoulder conversation can get you in the mindset of being on a team together. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/he-speaks-she-speaks/201404/why-you-stand-side-side-or-face-face
Apparently, face-to-face conversation between men is inherently confrontational.

A) I am a lady

B) I generally try to sit at an angle to people versus across from them. It helps me feel like we're doing something together.
44. Don't be "smart" about calendaring.

If your office has a 30-min-meeting culture, then set up 30m meetings.

Too many reports?
Set up 15m weeklies or 30m biweeklies.

Don't put three 20 min 1:1's into an hour. You're just fucking up the whole hour for the middle 20 person.
You can follow @jonesabi.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: