One of the more annoying aspects of being a survivor in the public sphere are victim-blamers, "skeptics" and concern trolls. A particularly annoying request they often have relates to the mechanics of a woman raping a man. Since that is my actual lived experience, I hear it often

Both men AND women ask these questions. They REALLY NEED TO OMG KNOW - and stuff. Just how does a woman rape a man. It is like, all mysterious and shit. Or something. The questions can be pretty graphic and obviously very personal. Let this thread put that to rest. Here we go.

Let me give you some background. My rapist was a cis-gendered, heterosexual woman. She had two hands, 8 fingers and 2 thumbs and a vagina. Apparently it needs to be said. People don't get it. Math and bodies and string theory are all hard.

Don't erections mean you guys really want it? Your penis is hard, you must want it?! Again, men AND women think this stupid shit is real. Yes, even some feminists still think erections = consent. They ask, "how does a woman force an erection?

Glad you asked. Remember when I said that my rapist had two hands, 8 fingers and 2 thumbs? Well, think about how she could put those tools to work for her in order force an erection. If you don't get it right away, perhaps you need to access that dark, nasty corner of your mind.

You know, the one where you hold the memories of that time you watched your friend's porno tapes in the basement? Yeah, that's how she did it - through the magic of curling up her fingers and friction. Or as Thomas Dolby once sang, SCIENCE!

Okay, but how would she get off? I mean, she did get off right? You were a good rape victim and gave her an orgasm, right? People really ask this shit. SERIOUSLY. They "need" to know.

To answer the question, yes, my rapist had an orgasm. She was on top. That vagina I mentioned she had was wrapped around the erection that she used her fingers to create. Still following?

In addition to her vagina, 2 hands, 8 fingers and 2 thumbs, she also had - wait for it - A CLITORIS! Yep, you guessed it. She used her fingers and that magic clitoris to bring herself the rest of the way. Holy shit, the magic of biological stimulation is real people!

Okay, okay, I'm being a little sarcastic here, but really, you people keep asking me this shit. Satisfied now? Do you get it? Do we need to better fund the sex ed classes at your old high school?

Or, were you just being obedient little victim-blamers because the perp had a vagina? Why the fuck do you people NEED to know this shit? Apparently, it needs to be explained in graphic detail to get the point across. Satisfied now?

Also, don't you feel at least a bit creepy asking questions about my penis and my rapist's vagina? Fucking seriously?

This thread was reprinted at Medium as well: https://medium.com/@jlandrith/a-commentary-about-rape-apologism-in-12-tweets-c7e225ee0a59

#saapm #saam #victimblaming