Thread by @seneolas, Fergus: Can you believe someone started a rumor that I slept my [...]

Fergus: Can you believe someone started a rumor that I slept my way to the top?
Ailill: No way. You’re nowhere near to the top.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Fergus, visiting their camp: Cú, are you getting enough sleep?
Cú Chulainn: Sometimes when I sneeze, my eyes close.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

[after fighting Fer Diad]

Láeg: Do you think that maybe you& #39;re feeling, I don& #39;t know, a little guilty?
Cú Chulainn: What& #39;s guilty?
Láeg: When you feel bad about what you& #39;ve done.
Cú Chulainn: That& #39;s not a thing!

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“I’ve googled some stupid shit… like that time I had to look up ‘How do kids make friends’ and & #39;Normal relationship with father looks like’” -- Connla, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Deirdre: The stress of being made to marry a man I hated even before he murdered my husband has caused me to go into a depression.
Conchobar: Depression? Isn’t that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
Deirdre: Conchobar, you ignorant slut.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cormac, immediately before the final battle: I. AM. AN. ULSTERMAN!
The Connacht warrior standing behind him: You& #39;re a fucking prick, that& #39;s what you are.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Fer Diad, to Cú Chulainn: Are we gonna fight or make out? ‘Cause I’m getting some real mixed signals here.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it’s more of a large and tastefully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored.” -- Cú Chulainn, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: You& #39;ve got that motherly concern in your eyes, Láeg. I must look like I& #39;m hammered as shit.
Láeg: Actually you look like you were executed last week.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Orlám: He& #39;s trying to kill me.
Medb: No one& #39;s trying to kill you.
Orlám: Then why is he shooting at me?
Medb: He& #39;s shooting at everyone. He& #39;s trying to kill everyone.
Orlám: And what difference does that make?!

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“Hello. My name is Lugaid mac Cú Roí. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
-- Lugaid to Cú Chulainn, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“Life is just a series of sidequests and grinding until you’re strong enough to fight your dad.”
-- Connla, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: All I& #39;m saying is once in a while I& #39;d like to drive.
Láeg: Yeah, and all I& #39;m saying is no.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Conchobar: If you& #39;re saying I play favorites, you& #39;re wrong. I love all my nephews equally.
[flashback to that morning]
Conchobar: I don& #39;t care for Naoise.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Nad Crantail: So, the Hound!
Cú Chulainn: Yeah. That& #39;s me.
Nad Crantail: We thought you were a myth.
Cú Chulainn: Well, you were myth-taken.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Medb: I don& #39;t have the milk of mother& #39;s kindness in me anymore.
Finnabair: Yeah. That udder& #39;s been dry for a while though, hasn& #39;t it?

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Conchobar: Naoise, you& #39;re sentenced to death. You& #39;ll be hung
Deirdre from the back: HE& #39;S ALREADY HUNG
Naoise: Guards, uncuff me so I can high five my wife

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Naoise: I& #39;m a wanted man.
Aindle: That& #39;s impossible. You weren& #39;t even a wanted child.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Conchobar: You can’t marry a Connachta, Ferb!
Ferb: It’s a pity, cos I think there’s something really sexy about the fact that they hate us so much.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Medb: Get me a vodka rocks.
Finnabair: Mom, it’s breakfast.
Medb: And a piece of toast.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“My dad was a fairy. And by that I don’t mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre.”
-- Cú Chulainn, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: I& #39;m not a violent person.
Láeg: You punch people every day.
Cú Chulainn: Not EVERY day.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“That’s family for you. Can’t live with them, can’t murder them.”
-- Conchobar, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: I need to get something off my chest.
Emer: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Mac Da Thó: I went in the lounge the other day and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.
Mac Da Thó& #39;s wife: Which one? The red one?
Mac Da Thó: Well it& #39;s red now, yeah.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cethern: I don& #39;t have a problem. I& #39;m just trying to win this fight, and everyone& #39;s making a huge deal because I have a few minor injuries to my ribs, ankle, hand, toes and jaw
Fingín: Jaw?
Cethern: Yeah, that just happened. I got hit in the face with a box

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“Of course I want to kill you. I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.”
-- Cú Chulainn, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Láeg: They& #39;ve obviously never met me.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“When Emer walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She’s my hero. When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”
-- Cú Chulainn, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

B99 + Ulster Cycle is a match made in heaven (or at least the Otherworld...) #IncorrectUlsterCycle

Etarcomol: (to Cú Chulainn) So if you& #39;re the greatest warrior of Ulster, why don& #39;t you have a beard?
Fergus: Oh my god, Etarcomol, you can& #39;t just ask people why they don& #39;t have a beard.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

"Cú Chulainn, that KILLS people!" -- This was submitted to the #IncorrectUlsterCycle blog and I haven& #39;t stopped cackling since.

"Ladies, it& #39;s time to stop “weaponizing” our looks and start wearing actual weapons. Forget winging your eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man and invest in some steel toe boots."
-- Medb, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Conall: Outstanding. Now, let& #39;s chop all their heads off, and pile them up in the corner.
Emer: Why would we do that?
Conall: Pile of bodies, pile of heads.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Naoise: "people should be held responsible for their actions" yeah real easy for you to say, you make good decisions. what about me I make bad decisions what am I supposed to do about that

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: Come on, look at this. How did I even do this?
Láeg: I don& #39;t understand how or why you do anything.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“I hope in time we will both find the love we deserve. Until then, if you ever feel like being beaten in a horse race, you’ll know where to find me.”
-- Macha, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Emer, about Connla: He& #39;s a very strange young man.
Cú Chulainn: He& #39;s an idiot. Comes from upbringing. His parents are probably idiots, too.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

“I can’t imagine what they’re planning. But I can tell you two things. We won’t like it, and it won’t be legal.”
-- Fergus, about Cú Chulainn and the Ulaid, probably

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

[after the Ulaid arrive]
Láeg: There& #39;s nothing left for you to do. You& #39;re like a piece of um... deadly furniture.
Cú Chulainn: Did you just call me deadly furniture?

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cú Chulainn: We punch people, Láeg. That’s who we are. Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Deirdre: It was good you decided to come with me.
Naoise: I didn& #39;t decide anything. You said you& #39;d kill me if I didn& #39;t go.
Deirdre: Well you decided it would be better to come with me than die. That was nice.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Cúr mac Da Lóth: You were fighting me off.
Cú Chulainn: Yes, I thought you were a wasp.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

Láeg: Why are you wearing a shirt under your other shirt?
Cu Chulainn: In case one of them is stolen.

#IncorrectUlsterCycle

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