Duo Lingo: For when you'd love to be able to translate "The crab drinks wine before the fox eats a banana", but ideally whilst being patronised by a cartoon owl wearing a monocle.

#DuoLingoMadness

“Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimised by Duo Lingo.”

Is it ...the one with a picture of a ball? #DuoLingo

There are some people in my mentions who would definitely think "The European Union to fruit English" is a foreign plot. #DuoLingo

This would come in handy if you were planning a shellfish play-date. #DuoLingo

Just a lucky guess. #DuolingoMadness

Looks like someone's been dining at the Salmonella Tea Rooms again. #DuoLingo

I've paid the extra to have #Duolingo personalise the questions.

Beginning to suspect @mrnickharvey writes the Duolingo lessons.

I leave the encouragement setting on in Duolingo because I'm thirsty for patronising praise from an overdressed owl.

Me, talking about Boris Johnson. #Duolingo

A little bit of politics, there.

Feeling seen by this damned multilingual owl. #Duolingo

Too soon, Duolingo. Too soon.

Where they've famously abolished the written word. #Duolingo

#Duolingo wants to kill me.

Read the room, you feathery wanker. #Duolingo

Someone found the four-year-old jar of mussels at the back of the cupboard. #Duolingo

Damn those impossible body standards for elephants. #Duolingo

The year is 5079. The scorched Earth belongs to the cockroaches and Japanese knotweed.
Duolingo: Isn't it time you practised your French?

I thought Duolingo was for studying languages, not Ancient History.

He's just chillin'. #Duolingo

Duolingo's fallen for #WayfairGate

In the last week, Duolingo has tried to sell me double-sided tape strong enough to stick a brick to a wall, a shoulder bag specifically for mobile phones, and a drill bit for splitting firewood. It's the Aldi central aisle of language apps.

Not now, Duolingo.