Sure 5 jobs thing is interesting but let me tell you about one of the shortest and most well most.
It was the summer of 88 and I was about to enter my last year of uni and I was working one of three summer jobs, this one as a banquet server at our city’s best hotel. 1/

I was pulled from post service clean up duty (it’s around 10pm maybe) by a rather stressed looking night manager. He asked if I had every babysat before and of course I had. He walks me to a suite and says it’s an emergency and he needs me to watch these 2 kids. 2/

As I enter the room I see 2 sweet face little boys of about 4 & 5. The room has been tossed like if the FBI had raided it. The boys smile and I’m worried. I know the look of little hellraisers when I see them. /3

The door closes and we are alone. We regard each other and I know if they sense fear they will strike first. I choose my tactic. I pounce first and start throwing pillows at them saying pillow fight. It’s the strategy of a seasoned babysitter. Adapt to survive.

It’s a little loud so I tell the kids it’s a silent pillow fight and the quietest is the king. Of course this works. Then I tell them the slowest pillow warrior is the Emperor. Also works. These little monsters are falling into my trap. /5

Not we play hide and seek and I basically bet them to fall asleep in their beds. I fall asleep in a chair. I awake to the parents coming home and being quietly shocked to see their evil twosome asleep. They look at me like how I imagine people looked at Joan of Arc

The father hands me a crispy red $50 and I’m shook. I tell him, no that the hotel bills him and I get paid by them. He says it’s a tip and I say it’s too much so he adds another.

The Dad says can you work tomorrow too and I say that’s not up to me and I’ve got other jobs but I’ll tell the front desk. I’m a little over whelmed by the money. I report in to the manager and he’s just gotten off the phone with the guest and tells me my job is hotel nanny now

There is more to the story. We haven’t even got to the lions and guns part yet but I’ve got to deal with a Duff. BBL

Don’t want to forget the part where I trick the wee hellspawn into tidying up the room by saying we can turn back time by doing things in reverse. It was a stroke of genius if I do say so my self.

I get home, it’s super late and my Dad is waiting up (while snoring) in his easy chair for me. He knew I was later than usual and he said he was just about to send a car to look for me. Which he could because at that point he was the police commissioner. Seriously his is him.

I tell him about my night and show him the money. He approves of the cash and says that might buy half a text book. Maybe I should take more gigs if they ask. I’m concerned because ya know HELLSPAWN but he’s says I’m tough and not a quitter. So I’m like ok.

A girl doesn’t want to disappoint her Dad who waits up (whole snoring) for her to get home from her night job.

Ok there is still more to go but I got to get Duff weighed at the vet to see how the diet is going and to pick up his old man dog supplements. BBL again

Duff’s weight is ideal now! Suck it fat shaming vet! And is now napping. Where was I? Oh, yeah, I used to call my Dad Chief when he was acting like I was one of his officers. I could do a pretty good salute too. It was said only I could get away with mocking him thus.

Stay with me it’s kinda relevant to the story in that I was taught, what we called, “cop voice” or the “voice of command” from a young age. Dad was in the RCMP & a city police chief before being the Comish and eventually he ran a police academy.

You know who knows about dirty cops? Cops like my Dad. He got fired from the police academy when he set up an ethics sting to weed out bad operators. He kicked out anyone who cheated on a zero value test. But that’s another story.

He’s an honourable man, who without doubt had bias and flaws but who cared. He took a little kid nobody else wanted because she was damaged and too old and made her his. So you can see why disappointing him was not easily done. Back to main story!

Next day I go to my regular hotel shift and am greeted like a rockstar. I find out the guests have been thru the entire stable of hotel nannies and a few other staff/victims before me and I’m like the only survivor.

So I’m 100% the chose one. Everyone wants to know my secret. How did I do it. What did I do. But I’ve been raised to be kinda secretive. I don’t really understand my powers yet (voice of command).

The manager had been told of my legend and has told me that I alone must save them all and take charge of the hellspawn. He doesn’t know about the $100 tip and tells me that special day rate for nanny service. Mad coin yo.

Obviously I take the gig. The VIP guests are in town for a month for a family wedding. I’m told they are from Venezuela & Saudi Arabia and are in the oil biz. The parents are very lovely & kind. The mother was the most glamorous human I’ve ever seen in real life.

I go see the parents and they tell me the kids had the best time and they can’t believe I’m still breathing and all and they are hiring me for the rest of the visit. I say that the hotel pays me so not my decision - guest says - it is done and you will be rewarded.

To have time for this I give up my bartending gig (I was terrible) and sales job at the tree nursery (was pretty good at it) and now I’m full time demon wrangler / driver / nanny. The weeks pass and we are all alive but I’m running out of things to entertain them.

I got to improve my Spanish & French and learned a little Arabic which I’ve forgotten all of it. We had a few dust ups but the kids knew we could have fun if they didn’t piss me off. The last week the circus came to town and the kids wanted to go.

I mean the circus is across the street so of course we are going. It’s 1988 so animals are part of the show. Lions and tigers of course. We have rules about outings that they must abide me at all times.

All this time I’m raking in the money and my Dad is laughing it up that I’m paying for my last year of school as a nanny!! Hilarious! He’s proud. The parents are very nice to me and generous.

But I kinda know that I might disappear if anything happens to these kids. Like disappear permanently. I’m not suggesting anything criminal about the parents just that they had means to make it happen.

So off we go to the lions and tigers and we don’t get the big tent 5 seconds when I’ve got to grab the littlest demon and tell him not to put his hand in the fucking big cat cage. That he had his one chance and it used up. Next time we leave.

Side note i had to switch devices! Ran out of phone battery. Writing twitter stories with gifs sure drains the old phone. Are you hoping the story is going somewhere? Me too. I know the ending but I’m not a pro so ... you get what you pay for.

So yeah the little asshat runs off as soon as the tigers & lions enter their cage and sticks his stupid little arm right in between the bars. I’m am right behind him and drag him back still holding the other one by the wrist. There is much screaming and shouting. Pandemonium.

Obvi we are kicked out. I am dragging the hellbeasts by their arms across the street kicking and screaming. There was biting and punches. It was a spectacle. If smart phones had been invented it would have gone viral. The hotel manager is afraid.

So yeah back in the hotel room with full raging hellspawn literally throwing stuff at me and screaming that I’m killing them. It’s bad. I’m actually bleeding and end up with a black eye and puffy lip with actual teeth marks. I am exhausted and have visions of murder.

But I don’t because I remember that murder is wrong. Thanks Dad. But I’m left with controlling an out of hand situation so I shove them both into the bathroom and sit in front of it until the parents return.

The parents come and are justly aghast. My shirt is literally torn and I’m bleeding. I’ve been thru the battle for Sunnydale and have lived but for how much longer?

The kids hear that big poppa has arrived and change their raging threats to pleas of hurt and pain. It is a dramatic shift in tone. The mother sighs dramatically and helps me up from the floor and actually hugs me. I am shocked. I think “is this a cultural mark of death?’

The father speaks very quietly to the boys and out they march. They are quiet now too. I can hear my self breathing as we stare at each other. He asks me what happened, I tell him. The little devils don’t interrupt at all. He asks if it is true and the eldest says it is.

He reaches into his pocket and whips out a wad of cash. A BIG WAD OF CASH and hands it to me. I don’t argue this time but shove it in my bag. Says he will call me in the morning if it pleases me and tells the boys to kiss Nanny goodnight. They do so very gently.

I leave the room and the manager is waiting in the hallway saying he almost called the police and did i want to go to the ER. I just want to go home. He said he has never seen anything like this and i say me too. I arrive home to my Dad who is sitting in his non sleeping chair.

My Dad is not pleased. He thought the nanny gig would be the safest of my many summer jobs. I tell him everything as always. He contemplates. He gets stuff to clean the bite wounds and ice for my eye. Says maybe I’m done with that job now. Says good work on the no murder.

Next morning i get a call from the VIP Guest - father of demons. He is very sorry for the behaviour of his youngest children. But he is impressed at my restraint and wants me to know that the family has come to care for me a great deal.

He offers me a job as the full time nanny. He wants me to move with the family to Caracas Venezuela. He tells me the salary and says I’ll need weapon training and have I ever shot a Glock? He says I’ll have a bodyguard at all times when I leave the compound with the kids.

I say well ya know I’ve still got a year of school left and I should really finish it and all ... and he says think about it over night. I’m like well no but WOW. I tell my Dad the salary and he says “more than he made for his first job as Chief”.

So I had a really big decision. Kinda a fork in the road. Money & danger or back to school and my boring old life. World travel as a nanny ninja or graduation. So yeah boring road 100% taken.

So yeah I has to address my racial bias as to the threat of death by really nice people of a different culture, who lived in a very different world, who also happened to be the parents of anti-Christ 1 and 2. But sometimes i think about the life I could have had.

But if I taken that road and survived I would have not met and married @AlexEditingRoom and would have not found The Duff. But I would have had a hella lot more money tho! - THE END.

That wasn’t so long was it? I’m told i can ramble a bit.

I guess the moral is racial bias is wrong but also sticking with a dangerous job for money to impress & please your hero is also kinda dumb.