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Ive been in my house for about two hours, I just looked up and there’s TWO PIGEONS in my sitting room watching me eat my tea. What the fuck do I do?
All the windows are shut. What is this pigeon magic?
Ive asked them to leave and they’re just LOOKING AT ME
THEY’VE SHIT IN MY BATH
I can only deduce that this is the pigeon who we affectionately called ‘Mr Pigeon’ that lives in a cat flat beneath my toilet. (Weird I know) It looks like him and his girlfriend have come through the cat flat, shit in my bath and are now watching TV in a bid to steal my life.
NOTHING IS MOVING THEM. Not even a tiny broom.
Prick
THEY’VE SHIT IN THE TOILET. Respect.
Have moved all my favourite stuff out, turned the lights off and am having a gin in my kitchen. It is their room now.
OH NO
After an absolutely nightmarish fight/flight sequence, they left out the window and into the night like nothing happened. Sorry for the screaming, Highbury.
And in the furore I forgot about my baked potatoes that were in the oven. RIP potatoes.
