*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 1:41 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: I should have brought something to read.

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 2:15 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: SECOND VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST! I'm Henery the Eighth I am, Henery the Eighth I am, I am...

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 4:20 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: Oh crap. I gotta pee.

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 5:41 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: Well, if I go back sleep now, I'll just be up all night tomorrow too.

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 6:15 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: LIKE A BLISTER IN THE SUN, LET ME GO OOOOON

Guard 1: You hear that?

Jesus: ...

Guard 2: No.

Jesus: ...

Guard 1: Eh.

Jesus: ᵂʰᵉⁿ ᴵ'ᵐ ᵃ ʷᵃˡᵏᶦⁿ', ᴵ ˢᵗʳᵘᵗ ᵐʸ ˢᵗᵘᶠᶠ

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 7:41 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: Ha! A SEE-saw. I get it now. Gonna have to tell that one to Judas. Oh wait...

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 9:12 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: (hands to face, palms out, eyes to holes) Guillermooooo.

Fuck I'm bored.

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 11:55 AM. Tomb Exterior*

Guard 1: What'd you bring for lunch?
Guard 2: Left it on the counter.
G1: Bummer.
G2: Could I have a bite of yours?
G1: Sorry, not enough.
Voice: ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵃᵍᵃᶦⁿ
G1: Oh wait, got another hoagie.
G2: Thanks!
Voice: ʷᵒᵒᵗ

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 1:55 PM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: Behold! I am risen!

Jesus: Behold! I live!

Jesus: Hark...hark? Really?

Jesus: ...

Jesus: ...

Jesus: JOOOHN CEEENA! BA DABAH DAAAAA!!!!

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 2:55 PM. Tomb Exterior*

Guard: Who goes there?
Guy: Uber Eats.
Voice: ʷᵒᵒʰᵒᵒ
Guard: We didn't order any.
Voice: ᴵ ᵈᶦᵈ
Guy: Well it's paid for.
Voice: ᴶᵘˢᵗ ˡᵉᵃᵛᵉ ᶦᵗ, ᴵ'ˡˡ ᵍᵉᵗ ᶦᵗ ˡᵃᵗᵉʳ
Guard: Sweet, free food.
Voice: ᵈᶦᶜᵏ

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 4:55 PM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: What the?!

Robed Figure: I am Charon. Here to ferry you across the River Styx into Hades.

Jesus: Oh, Jewish Cemetery. Greek ones on the other side of town.

RF: Oh, sorry. My bad...Dont I know you?

Jesus: Uh...nope.

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 5:05 PM. Tomb Exterior*

Guard 1: ...

Guard 2: ...

Guard 1: ...

Guard 2: ...

*ᶠᵃʳᵗ*

Guard 1: *sniff*

Guard 2: ...

Guard 1: Dude, really?

Voice: ʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉ

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Saturday 6:13 PM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: I love all the children. All the little children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white...

Wow this song is REALLY problematic.

*Jerusalem 33 AD. Sunday 6:55 AM. Tomb Interior*

Jesus: Oh crap I overslept!!