It’s time to very confidently tweet things that not only do I not believe, they also don’t make much sense

1) all books should cost $15 except for dictionaries, which should be free

2) umbrellas are classist

3) there shouldn’t be lizards

4) if something can’t be fixed with duct tape, it’s beyond repair. Throw it out, get a new one. Start fresh.

5) they should put curse words on money

This is all to say I’m announcing my bid for the presidency in 2020. These are my platforms. I’ll see YOU at the polls!