okay so this is real BET’ish but fuck it. its my story & one of many experiences tht shaped me into the woman/mother I am today.

get comfy. ima tell this story frm the perspective of my 20yr old self so here goes part 1.

Aight so boom, it was spring 2003. Diplomatic Immunity had JUST dropped & niggas was really feelin themselves in their double XL clothing & several pairs of Air Force 1s cus Nelly told them 1 pair wasn’t acceptable.

Bear with me. Im tryna paint a picture for y’all.

Anyway, my best friend was abt to wrap up her junior year in college & was headed to Cali to visit her boyfriend who graduated a year prior.

Neither one of us had ever been to the west coast before so this trip was a big deal & I wanted all the deets!

I couldn’t party or travel like she did b/c I had a toddler- aka i lived vicariously through her.

Needless to say I was thirsty to hear frm her so I waited patiently by the house phone. I was severely low on daytime minutes & unfortunately texting wasnt a thing yet

She finally hit me when she got settled at her boyfriends mama crib. They ain’t have long distance so she had to buy a calling card. Reporting every detail of this trip was crucial.

Like I needed to know if Cali was really like Friday & Boyz N The Hood. I was obsessed!

So we choppin it up & she been there for all of 2 hours & was already sold on cali based on the beaches, palm trees & intoxicating weather alone.

She then decides tht we were moving there after she graduated & would be roommates. we were so childish & inseparable

So I’m like cool it looks like what we’ve seen on tv. Got it. what the niggas look like tho?! She was in Vallejo so I was concerned that every Nigga talked like E40 rapped. this was troubling for me.

She was like nah girl. they different no doubt but they all cool & fine af!

So I’m like oh word?! Bitch prove it. All she dated was niggas that looked like Russell Wilson & Brother Nature. no disrespect but that wasn’t my type. I prefer my men to not be tht THAT pretty so I wasn’t sure I could trust her opinion.

So she sucks her teeth like girl chill I got you. Matter fact he got a hmby tht look just like Memphis Bleek. I’m already knowin that’s your type so I been payin attention to how he move. Plus I already showed him a picture of you & he been on you SINCE.

As we’re wrapping up the phone call she’s like “oh & btw I packed my camcorder so I’ll be sure to capture candid moments of him”

She know how funny actin & picky I am so this was mandatory. i ain’t just need proof tht he was cute. I needed to know tht he wasn’t a fkn cornball.

Fast forward, she’s back hm & immediately goes to Walgreens & drops the film off for the pics she took.

she finally pulls up & we watch the video to kill time while the pics were developing. I ain’t give af abt pics, these videos were all I needed to see. BITCH THATS BAE

At this point I’m impressed w/ her matchmaking skills. We bn rockin since the 6th grade & apparently she knew me better than I knew myself.

he was the epitome of MY type. I nvr messed w/ niggas tht grew up around gun violence & palm trees & as a suburban girl I wanted PARTS

She was right tho. Cali niggas was different but they was wavy tho, like modern day hippies or whateva. I fucked w/ it! Plus I was tired of these lean sippin, polo boot wearin, tippin on fo fo ass Niggas here in Tx.

I wanted to know wht them yay area niggas was hittin fo

Now I’m obsessing over this guy & bff was kind enough to let me hold on to the video b/c she knew I wanted to study his every move. im the absolute worse whn I have a crush. it’s actually nauseating tbh

But everyone puts up witit b/c it only happens once every 7yrs. No cap

I had 1hour worth of video. bff really kilt it, she got him at every angle. I couldn’t stop smiling y’all. I felt like a kid! His mischievous smile, his demeanor, the way he looked in the camera & said my name while he was rollin up. He ain’t hafta lick tht blunt like tht!

So long story short, he gets word that we’re mutually attracted & bff boyfriend was low key hypin me to the point where she was like “damn Nigga do YOU want her”?!

Anyway, I get a call later tht evening frm some strange number. I knew it was him

Anxiety kicked in & all the shit I was talkin abt what I was gna do to him went out the window. I ain’t want the Nigga to know I sounded like Busta Rhymes so I quickly got it together & put my exaggerated cute voice on & picked up.

It was all she wrote after tht

That 1st convo was fire. After we confirmed we were both very single, we got right down to business & started askin each other 21 questions. We stayed on the phone so long he had to go get another calling card. This went on for 3mos & as far I was concerned, he was my soulmate.

Fast forward to summer we’re attached to 1another. We talked atleast 4 hours everyday. The anticipation of seeing him was intense & I didn’t want anyone else. He had my full undivided attention & I ultimately started putting my eggs in one basket & pushing other guys away

He hit me one day on some “aight E I’m tired of this shit, I’m tryna see you soon. What’s up”?

Man listen, I thought the nigga would NEVER ask. I was ready for him to rearrange my guts after the 3rd conversation but I had to chill & be a lady. So I just went w/ the flow.

He asked if I was available to come out in 2 weeks & offered to pay for the flight. all types of shit runnin through my mind & im literally freaking out cus I never been flewed out before.

I played it cool & said yea of course. Meanwhile I ain’t even have a fkn sitter

I immediately hang up & call bff. “Bitch omg omg omg, ITS HAPPENING! I’m finally bout to go see this Nigga”! She was like yea girl i heard he got his financial aid refund & planned to use tht $ for “sumn special”

her bf always told his business & she would of course tell me.

At this point my vagina is doin the percolator. I been celibate for months cus I wanted to wait for him. I was corny then & I’m corny now but that’s neither here nor there

I knew it was real. he used his refund &. I felt like wherever a man put his time/money, he valued.

Now I’m scrambling for sitters. My son was 2 & i felt it was alot to ask cus he was a fkn terrorist my bd was away prepping for football season & my parents wouldn’t keep him unless it was business related. my mom fav line, “i already raised my kids”

Aight, Heard you bruh

Finally my bff was like fuck it, Just bring him down here. He can stay on campus w/ me cus my roommate gone. This was triflin but s/o to Beaumont’s Lamar University & the RA for letting us slide w/ this shit!

Whew chile the single mother ghetto! She held my youngin down tho!

Part 2:

So here I am on 45 headed towards Houston to drop my son off. It’s a 4-5hr drive frm dallas. whole time im thinkin “Boy this nigga dick BET NOT be trash or he gon hafta catch this fade on god”

I nvr did no weird shit like this so I was questioning my mental health.

At this point I’m low key disgusted in myself for jumping through all these hoops for this Nigga but there was no turning back cus he already emailed my itinerary. I had to go. I just wanted him to be worth all the trouble & tbh I felt like he was.

So I get to my bff school in record time, you woulda thought Paul Walker was drivin tht mf. I park my car on campus & she drops me off to the airport. I repeatedly thanked her, handed her $50 & told her to make it enough. gave my son a kiss goodbye & off to Cali I was

im goin thru security & anxiety kicks in. Everything in me wanted to turn back around & go get my son. This wasn’t too long after 9/11 so flight anxiety was REAL. I instantly regretted this whole thing

But i used wht was left of my daytime mins & let him know I boarded.

I wake up from a nap & the pilot announces to prepare for landing. Once again anxiety kicks in.

What if I get there & don’t like him? How im gna play this shit off? What if he can’t kiss? What if I fart in my sleep? What if this, what if that

Finally touched down. Bubble guts was violating me smh I reach in my purse, grab my phone & already had 2 missed calls from him.

I call him back like “I’m heerrreeee”. He hype af like “shit I’m already outside sweetheart”

I was impressed & annoyed at the same time.

Making my way to baggage claim now, had to stop by the bathroom 1st & make sure I was maintaining the “bn traveling all day but I’m still effortlessly cute af” look

I immediately spot my Baby Phat luggage, grab it & walk towards the exit. Heart beatin fast AFFF

walked outside & it’s abt 75 w/ a nice breeze, feelin sexy af. I notice a black Acura w/ rims slowly approaching me (we called em “act rights” back hm)

He pulled up, let the window dwn & immediately started flirtin “what’s up brown skin, wHeRe y0 mAn aT”

He was cute AF

I could hardly compose myself. How did this nigga manage to look even BETTER in person?? HOW?

We had been mailing each other pics. Well he sent 3, I sent like 17 including 2 Polaroids. You woulda thought the Nigga was locked up the way i sent weekly flicks

He hops outta the car, walks over to me & stares me up & dwn while biting his lips. He then grabs me, picks me up, kisses me on my neck & was like “damn yo little ass fine”

y’all shoulda seen the way I was pokin my little booty out. I wanted to be thick so fkn bad

He grabs my bags, loads them in them in the trunk. You woulda thought I was goin out the country the way I packed for 4 days. Jus country!

He closed the trunk, walked back over & kissed me again, this time on the lips & again on the forehead & told me he was glad I made it.

He then opens the car door for me, kinda had no choice b/c I was gna stand there until he did it anyway lol

His car had a very familiar scent of kush, black ice & Dolce & Gabbana light blue. Literally every nigga smelled like this 2003

I found comfort in it tho

He already had 2 blunts rolled. One had a coral ribbon wrapped around it. I thought this was cute considering I told him tht was my fav color.

He asked me if I was hungry & I said yea but I really just wanted to get back to his crib & fuck the living shit outta him. Jesus

Again, I didn’t wanna be anything less than a lady so I played it cool & told him dinner would be great.

“Good cus I made reservations at this nice spot”!

I loved tht he was a hood nigga w/ class. Somethin abt tht really made my vagina cry tears of joy. It was a weird fetish.

So we finally arrive at this 5 star restaurant on the beach. In my head I’m like “oh this lil Nigga showin out” but on the outside I’m actin mad regular like I dine on the beach daily.

Can’t act too impressed around these niggas. You just... CAN’T.

But anyway, dinner was amazing & we finally heading back to his crib & im glad b/c my panties were damp af from being a creep all night. A cold shower was definitely needed.

I felt like a monster but I had to remind myself it had been over 4mos since I had sex.

We pull up to the crib & unbeknownst to me, we’re staying at his mama house bitch I thought we was gettin a room but whateva, I cant judge cus I still lived w/ my parents too.

We walk in & it’s dark af. Apparently his mama at work? Hell idk just show me to the bathroom.

We head back to his room so I can unpack my bags. The smell of weed was LOUD AF & I was confused b/c he lived w/ his mom so I was like maybe she smokes weed too? Surely he’s not smoking in his mothers house

Boy was I wrong.

Not only did he smoke in his mama crib but this nigga was actually GROWING weed in his closet. His entire room looked like a science project.

I wanted to know where this nigga daddy was b/c this shit ain’t normal. Atleast not where I’m from! tf?

After accepting the fact tht I would be living in a fkn trap house for the next 72 hours, I gathered my things so I could finally shower. I was getting ready for the moment tht would make or break us.

I was a little thrown off by his lifestyle but still intrigued.

I’m done showering & head back to his goofy room w/ some Victoria Secret bullshit I got on sale. I looked tf amazing though. This was it, time to put my gameface on

He tried to play sleep. Typical so I laid dwn & played sleep right along w/ him but I was annoyed.

These games lasted for all of 5mins & the next thing I know someone wants to cuddle. I backed up enough for him to pull me in even closer & that’s whn I felt a third leg on my ass. BITCH I was no where near ready!

But I had to live up to all the shit I talked

Up until this point I had only been w/ my sons father frm age 16-20. So while I had all these strong sexual desires for my new love interest, I really lacked the experience

What if he didn’t like the same things my bd liked?! I never considered any of tht

It was no turning back though so I just closed my eyes & went w/ the flow. After all, this was my soulmate & everything felt RIGHT. & so it begins ....

I wasn’t mentally/emotionally prepared for all the filthy things this Nigga was doin to me so I just let him have my soul.

The sex was so fkn incredible it concerned me. He made my body do things tht I didn’t know it was capable of doing.

WHO WAS THIS NIGGA & WHY TF IS HE LIKE THIS?! My thoughts were no longer rational. I started thinking abt how I was gna tell my bd I was moving to Cali

We sexed all weekend. It was honestly ridiculous & I was becoming a bit attached. Ugh. Felt like I was losing the war against Niggas. This wasn’t me!

But apparently i wasn’t emotionally intelligent enough for the level of dick he was delivering & he fkn KNEW IT.

But whatever, I just said fuck & let my guard down. I mean what’s the worse than can happen??

He continued taking me on these bomb ass dates. showed me around Vallejo, took me to meet all his friends/family & basically showed me off the entire time.

I loved the energy!

It’s now my last night in the Bay Area. he wanted to spend the evening watching movies. Im a homebody so this was perfect. plus I wanted to be alone w/ him. I was addicted to the intimacy

finally got to meet his mom too. She was cool af. Alil too cool tbh but to each is own.

So he gets in the shower leaving me alone w/ his mom. I felt this was strategic but I embraced it. It made me feel ...idk special i guess. like he really fw me or something. I knew I was the type to bring home but I also knew how niggas “like him” moved. I was conflicted.

I was really bonding w/ this boys mother. She was sharing her recipes w/ me & everything. By the end of the night she was callin me “zaughter in law”. & honestly I felt like I deserved the title

As far as I was concerned i was wifey material so it was fitting.

I hugged his mom, told her gn. I low key felt disrespectful sleeping in her sons bed but tbh she was so welcoming. I really fw her. She was different & it was refreshing b/c my parents we’re reserved af.

Anyway I go lay down w/ my future husband. & he’s playing sleep again

We end up having yet another amazing love making session. I’d wonder if his mom heard me & if she even cared. Either way i was comfortable. Too comfortable if I’m being honest

He immediately rolled over & went to sleep. It’s like this was a sport for him & he needed rest

He passed tf out but i couldn’t sleep. I had so much anxiety & mixed emotions. I wanted to know where we go frm here but I knew better than to be annoying & ask so I chilled & let him sleep.

I mean I had to reserve SOME pride ...right?

I had a flight to catch the following morning so I really needed to get outta my head & go to SLEEP! But I couldn’t ...

All I could think abt was how this boy fucked me into oblivion. I didn’t know what day it was, what my name was or who the current president was

I was dickmatized & I had a really hard time accepting it. I wanted so badly to separate my feelings from sex but I was completely incapable & that made me uncomfortable & low key resentful.

I had to get back hm to my son, my life, my REALITY! this shit was inconvenient!

I finally doze off. Still wrapped in his arms, it’s hot af but he won’t let me go & tbh, I didn’t want him to let go. I was in love & I didn’t wanna leave something had to give cus I couldn’t see life w/o this Nigga smh i was SICK.

Bitch what has become of me?!

Im in a deep sleep. Still in his arms, laying on the opposite side of the bed b/c the other side was soiled.

Something in my spirt kept telling me BITCH WAKE TF UP. it was like I was paralyzed but couldn’t get up but I knew I needed to atleast open my fkn EYES.

I finally roll over & open my eyes. There’s a Filipino girl standing in his doorway staring at our naked bodies & bawling her fkn eyes out I was certain this was a dream. Had to be b/c why hasn’t she blown our heads off yet!?

I was confused, scared, angry & concerned!

First of all, who is this bitch & how tf did she get in?! 2nd, where is your mother? Do ppl always just walk in yalls crib & stare at you while you’re sleep?? Dawg I need ANSWERS!!

I just laid there frozen cus honestly, I’m in a state of shock so just I nudge the Nigga.

Whatever dick he gave her, I DON’T WANT IT! Not if it’s gna make me look & behave the way she is. Bitch I was SHOOK. She coulda blew our fkn heads off! I didn’t even see a soul in her eyes, tf is goin on?!

I started becoming angry. But I’m not stupid so I kept my mouth shut.

He jumps up fake startled & the girl immediately starts screaming & let out a cry I never heard before ..a cry of a woman scorned.
It was unfamiliar, I couldn’t relate to it & honestly, I didn’t want to.

The bitch looked like she hadn’t slept in days.

Apparently this is HER man, not mine! tf I look like fightin over a nigga I just met in real life?? Shit y’all can have it! Suddenly I began to come back to my senses.

He then jumps up cussin & charging at the girl. Oh bitch THATS MY CUE. I’m outta here!

& just like tht my life is in SHAMBLES. Here I am packin my bags & he’s outside arguing w/ a bitch I ain’t even knw existed.I don’t even know how to begin processing this shit. I felt stupid af & betrayed

felt like I wasted Coochie on this Nigga! I wanted my time & walls back

I quietly exited out the back door & started walking to the nearest corner store. I wanted ZERO parts of wtf he had goin on. I had a son I needed to get hm to.

I called my bff crying & asked her to call her boyfriend to pick me up & take me to the airport.

Her nigga came & picked me up right away. It’s like he caught wind of wtf was goin on & felt somewhat responsible. It was the longest ride ever to the airport, he ain’t know wht to say to me. I was inconsolable.

Bitch wanted to fight everyone in Northern California!

I remember the bitch screaming “gimme my keys”! I guess the Acura he picked me up in was hers. How could he be so ....COLD??

I started piecing shit together & became extremely angry w/ both him & his MOTHER.

I couldn’t understand why she would condone this shit!

Like how could you smile in my face & share your Mac & Cheese recipe w/ me lady? all while knowing your son is dragging TF outta of another girl? Tf kinda sick operation you & your son running around this mf?!

Y’all both should be arrested & charged w/ emotional damage.

Im now boarding my flight back hm. still in shock but I keep checking my phn. some sick part of me still wanted to hear frm this nigga. I wanted an explanation, I wanted him to tell me she meant nothing, she’s just a crazy girl frm the past.

I wanted this Nigga to lie to me

After all a lie was better than the shit I was feeling. It’s like the Nigga ripped my heart out my chest & crip walked all on tht mf & finished it w/ the A Town Stomp. My stomach starting hurting, I felt sick af.

Suddenly I understood Britney Spears meltdown.

Beyonce had just dropped her 1st solo album & I was able to download it on my MP3. Him & I had our own listening party & everything. We even decided “signs” was our shit. I loved tht he wasn’t to cool to listen to Bey

He ruined that album for me. I couldn’t listen for months

It was a long ass flight back home. I cried all the way to Dallas chile. I kept telling myself relax, you only known him for 3mos bitch. It didn’t feel like tht tho ..we clicked right away so tht shit felt like 3yrs.

This had to be what my dad was warning me abt. I never listen

I felt so fkn violated man. I came out there vibrant, happy af & half way in love ...guess I was in love w/ the idea of him

Now I’m on my way home w/ a brokenheart, bruised walls & hate in my heart.

But atleast I knew how to suck a baseball through a straw now.

It’s like this Nigga took my innocence or something. I mean my bd wasn’t an angel but he never had a 2nd life outside of me.

I’m still tryna figure out how this Nigga pulled this off. WE TALKED EXCESSIVELY. Where tf was SHE?! Did she unexpectedly wake up outta of a coma?!

I honestly didn’t understand this situation. None of it. His behavior, his mom’s fakeness, his girlfriends role in his life. Hell I was even starting to question his dog at this point, was tht Nigga fake too?!

Then i got mad at my hmgrls boyfriend. Bitch all I seen was RED

Finally landed in Houston. Felt like I was literally doing the walk of shame out airport. I sat down outside & waited for bff to pick me up, she was running late b/c my son slowed her down. Guess she got a taste of my life.

that’s some birth control for ya ass..

20 mins go by & I’m still waiting. I call to check on her & she answered immediately sounding frustrated..she told me she was on the other end w/ her boyfriend arguing & said she’d be here in 10mins. I wondered if she was confronting him abt his monster of a friend.

Men are so funny. Her bf told all tht man business & bff repeated it to but somehow he forgot to mention the Nigga had a whole ass girlfriend.

This the moment I learned tht his friends are NOT YOUR FRIENDS.

smh I just thought me & buddy was cooler than tht that’s all ...

Some stray nigga walks over & interrupts my alone time talmbout some “y0u g0t a mAn liL mAma”??

Oh he picked the wrong day bitch. I ignored tf outta him & rolled my eyes

Tht was shitty of me but oh well. He probably had a gf anyway.

damn it ain’t even been a whole 24 hours & im already acting like ...THEM.

You knw the bitter bitch babes. Fine af but emotionally damaged & unapproachable. I knew how unbecoming tht shit was but I understood it now...shit I OVERSTOOD.

bff finally pulling up. Abt time ..all I wanted to do was hug my baby boy. Soon as I looked in his little eyes I got mad at myself for runnin up behind a nigga & leaving him for 4 days. Shit wasn’t worth it man. Once again I feel foolish.

I hated all the negative emotions smh

I throw my bags in the trunk & open up the back door to calm my son dwn,he’s crying for me. He wasn’t the only 1 w/ tears tho, I look up & bff snifflin, visibly upset & shit. I ain’t even notice cus I’m preoccupied w/ my own problems.

I seriously don’t have the energy for this

Her bf must be askin for space again, he usually does this going into football season. Not sure why she’s taking it so hard this time ..this is a pattern.

Anyway, I ask what’s wrong but I’m not in the space to give her the same advice I’ve been giving her throughout college.

As far as I was concerned, I needed HER shoulder to cry on, bitch my shoulder is broke frm pain & suffering due to heartache. But fuck it, I owe her so I gotta be an ear right now.

She starts telling me what’s up but can’t even get her words out cus she’s damn near hysterical

At this point I’m like damn did the Nigga call to tell you he had 13 hours to live?! Tf is going on?! I never seen her like this before.

She finally spit it out.

“Buddy’s girl somehow got ahold of my # & called me. My nigga been fkn w/ her friend for months”

BITCH I KNOW YOU LYIN!!!

EXCUSE ME?! Your nigga did what w/ WHO?!

Oh so they just got a secret stash of Filipino bitches. Bet

It’s over for both of these Niggas. They done fucked off me AND bff’s summers. Yo somebody gotta die. Period!

It’s all bad. It’s a 4:37pm & we ridin around the great city of Houston literally crying. Everybody in tht bitch was breaking down.

my son cryin, I’m cryin, she cryin. Hell even radio was on some shit. DJ thought it was good time to play Jay Z “Song Cry”.

The devil was busy

Now I’m really PISSED. I’m mad at bff boyfriend for basically violating both of us but I have a different level of anger for shorty. She not even playin fair anymore. Bitch only told out of jealousy & rage, now a 3yr relationship turned sour smh

I really hate hoes like her

Were my thoughts even rational though or was this another case of anger displacement? It seemed like I was more mad at the other parties than I was HIM. The original violater.

I check my phone again to see if he called. NOTHING. I felt ...USED

I began to question myself

Fast forward a week later. My mom yelling my name frm downstairs, her ass was always hollering & for no reason at all. She probably wanted me to get the remote off her dresser, even though she was 5ft away frm it

smh I really wanted to move out but I couldn’t afford it.

Maybe if I got a 2nd job this summer instead of chasing di....

smh I was doing it again. I was beatin myself up for what happened. I had to cut it out b/c it was getting in the way of me healing.

The fact tht I even had to recover frm another humans actions made me angry tho

I finally get downstairs & my mom handed me some mail.

“Who writing you frm California? tht dnt look like no letter frm a university to me”

Wait what?! I started tuning my fussy ass mom out, all I heard was letter from California.

Finally an apology frm this nigga!

I ran up stairs like a kid & ripped the envelope open. It was from a P.O. Box which I thought was weird. Maybe the Nigga was writin me frm jail, I hope so cus that’s where tf he belong.

The letter smelled of his cologne. I started havin Flashbacks. why is he doin this to me?!

As soon as i opened the envelope, itty bitty pieces of all the pics I ever sent this nigga fell to the floor. I was crushed.

Does this he know the hell we went through to get these perfect shots using a fkn throw away camera?!

Did all fatherless niggas behave like this?!

I unfolded the letter w/ fear & curiosity. It reads:

“LEAVE DAVION ALONE WHORE”!!

That’s it, that’s all.

I just got in the shower & cried angry tears. I really wanted to beat this girl ass now, like really really BAD.

Bitch was harassing the wrong person!

Took me a couple of days to gather myself. Whn I did I sat down & wrote a 4 paged letter to him & his bald head ass mama. I really needed to get shit off my chest man..I read him & his mother for fkn FILTH. I know I was wrong for talkin to my elder like tht but I lost respect.

Not sure if it was ever his intentions to reach out at some point but I deaded tht shit. I signed the letter like a cornball & PS’d it “PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE” in bold letters using a sharpie b/c I was childish.

I felt better though.

Fast forward to today. My bff & her boyfriend never reconciled things, they tried but there was simply too much damage. She is now married & he coaches professional basketball.

As for Davion, he recently sent me a friend request on fb. 30lbs heavier w/ a nonexistent hairline.

I clicked on his profile just to be nosey. He failed to make all his pics private. His 4 kids were beautiful & they were ...mixed. Go figure lol.

I Kept scrolling & eventually found a pic of him & his wife. It was the same girl in the doorway crying.

Life is wild. The End