ALRIGHT FINE since no one wants to do it I suppose I will have to be interim Prime Minister then.

First policy. Revoke article 50, hold a new referendum with three options.

Remain
Leave with EEA
No deal

Second, immediately revoke universal credit. Introduce basic universal income. Money will come from scrapping trident and aggressive immigration enforcement.

Thirdly, integrate NHS and social care fully in England. No more waiting for this or that assessment, no more pushing imaginary money around.

Fourth, make bendroflumethiazide a controlled drug. Also urine dipstick to diagnose a UTI in older people is now a criminal offence punishable by CATAPULT

Fifth, reintroduce CATAPULT as punishment

Sixth, ban "LaCroix". I have no idea what it is but it sounds dangerous.

(Full disclosure, I will spend A LOT of money on my "War on LaCroix")

Seventh, appoint @BarristerSecret as attorney general. It's ok, they can wear a mask and cape at all times to protect their identity and that'll be kind of cool