Read on Twitter
decided to start a thread called “things my dad says” after he said, to me,
“you are the dumbest dumbass of all the dumbasses”
stay tuned.
“you are the dumbest dumbass of all the dumbasses”
stay tuned.
the first 2 things he said to me upon arriving home:
1. “ok stupid why did you do that”
2. “you’re a stupid dummy”
1. “ok stupid why did you do that”
2. “you’re a stupid dummy”
*puts one hand on his hip, and the other points at me*
“you are not allowed to be a dickhead”
“you are not allowed to be a dickhead”
*after finding out that i took the pepperoni off my pizza*
*stares at me dead in the eye before quietly, but firmly stating..*
“youre dead to me.”
*stares at me dead in the eye before quietly, but firmly stating..*
“youre dead to me.”
“did you tweet anything bad about me today? no? well, i decided to start a tweet called ‘dumbass things my daughter says’. ha. take that”.
my dad eats his strawberries with sugar on them.
we’re at dinner, and he is vigorously scraping the sugar off the side of the bowl w a strawberry.
me: “dad? what are you doing?”
dad: “uhm, i’m eating strawberries, stUpid”.
#thingsmydadsays
we’re at dinner, and he is vigorously scraping the sugar off the side of the bowl w a strawberry.
me: “dad? what are you doing?”
dad: “uhm, i’m eating strawberries, stUpid”.
#thingsmydadsays
over heard my dad trying to figure out how siri works on my mom’s iphone
“hey siri. hey siri! HEY, siri. HEY SIRI! Siri, listen to ME damnit”.
1 minute passes
“okay let’s see if this is fixed. hey siri. siri? talk to me siri. well, siri does not work”.
“hey siri. hey siri! HEY, siri. HEY SIRI! Siri, listen to ME damnit”.
1 minute passes
“okay let’s see if this is fixed. hey siri. siri? talk to me siri. well, siri does not work”.
*arguing with my sister about whether or not pudding is enjoyable or not*
dad: “are you kidding? it’s SO good! pudding is nature’s yogurt!”
dad: “are you kidding? it’s SO good! pudding is nature’s yogurt!”
i’d also like to add that i showed him those last 2 tweets and he
a) began crying of laughter
b) said: “oh my. did i say that? well. that’s a lot of people that will be blessed by my wisdom. wow”.
a) began crying of laughter
b) said: “oh my. did i say that? well. that’s a lot of people that will be blessed by my wisdom. wow”.
it’s 9pm
dad: it says turkey preheat to 185?
me: uh why are you cooking a turkey right now?
dad: uh cus i’m hungry, duh
dad: it says turkey preheat to 185?
me: uh why are you cooking a turkey right now?
dad: uh cus i’m hungry, duh
my dad lost his keys. spent 10 min looking for them before discovering them on the kitchen counter.... where he had looked 23 times
me: ok boomer.
dad: i.. what? no. excuse me i’m not a boomer. I, am generation SUPER cool.
me: ok boomer.
dad: i.. what? no. excuse me i’m not a boomer. I, am generation SUPER cool.
Talking about my siblings and I as babies
Dad: “You were the best infant. You were fricken huge though. Like a giant. Like an amazon butterball. Just massive”
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Dad: “You were the best infant. You were fricken huge though. Like a giant. Like an amazon butterball. Just massive”
*carefully inspecting my brothers feet, and how wild his toes are*
Dad: there are two things I don’t have a tolerance for.
1. Picking on other people and
2. Dumbass toes like that
Dad: there are two things I don’t have a tolerance for.
1. Picking on other people and
2. Dumbass toes like that
Dad and I are eating breakfast together
Me: so I saw this meme
Dad: what the HECK is a meme. People keep saying that. What, is it french for something? It just showed up in the last couple weeks.. me-me this and me-me that
Me: so I saw this meme
Dad: what the HECK is a meme. People keep saying that. What, is it french for something? It just showed up in the last couple weeks.. me-me this and me-me that
Ik this thread mostly makes fun of my dad however I figured I’d update it with the fact that hes texted me this every morning and night since I moved to school- 2 and a half months ago https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥰" title="Smiling face with 3 hearts" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling face with 3 hearts">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face">
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