When talking to Spouse about meltdownsyesterday, I used the example of allergies. When someone is violently allergic to peanuts you don't tell them "just pull yourself together and stop having anaphylaxis!"
Meltdowns are like an allergic reaction in your nervous system.

Meltdowns LOOK like a psychological reaction, & I think that's partly why they are so easily misunderstood & not treated as what they are: a neurophysiological reaction.
People think we are reacting with an *emotion*, but in fact our nervous system is experiencing a crash cycle.

I am good in emergencies. My Spouse had a grand mal siezure at 6am last summer and I snapped awake, called 911, went to the hospital with him, and even remembered to grab money and spare clothes for him!
BUT:
An emergency that involves loud alarms and flashing lights? *CRASH*

It's not the *emergency* that's the problem for me. I'm not 'scared' or 'panicking' when I meltdown and freeze to the floor when faced with a loud, piercing fire alarm and multiple flashing lights. There's no *emotional response*, only a nervous-system 'allergic reaction'.

But people don't understand this. They think I just need to pull myself together and *try harder*. "Don't panic", "there's no need to be scared" - I'M NOT. I'm actually highly capable, knowledgable, and kinda badass. My nervous system just can't handle sensory overload.

Edit: Spouse *NEVER* says any of those things. I was talking with him about how other people respond to my shutdowns/meltdowns.