Okay, here's a fresh Little Ol' Nobody's attempt at interpreting this "idolatry of the family in the church (and the culture?)" thing that seems to pop up again and again between invested and concerned parties. 1/

For starters, there was a significant period in my life as a believer and churchgoer where I would've and did speak of an "idolatry of the family". In fact, I don't think I even picked that language up from anyone. I think I coined if for myself. 2/

When I look back at what I was reacting to, I can see two distinct phenomena that are real and problematic. And I think I was addressing either one with the phrase. And in neither case, is it the most apt description. Neither case is an idolatry. 3/

For me, one situation was being a part of a couple of different fringy groups that were big on marriage and having larger families as a conscious countercultural lifestyle. In that case, I could see talking about a sort of fetish with tribalism or a blood-cult of the family. 4/

One key point I see in that is it has the luster of developing a personal brand identity more than fulfilling an obligation to the past, the future, and the community greater than oneself. It may be that way more so for some and less so for others. 5/

The other situation was being in more typical evangelical church groups which tend to just absorb and baptize the shortcomings of the surrounding culture. In this case, it was (and is) the obsession with romanticized coupling. 6/

The idea is that there is essentially only one kind of significant relationship which combines commitment, vulnerability, and so forth. And for those without a significant other, there's a genuine sense of missing out and being left out. 7/

In many suburban evangelical local church settings, there's an environment of well-curated nuclear families that are very (seemingly or genuinely) insular. And the so-called "idolatry of the family" being sensed by singles in this context is just total lack of fellowship. 8/

These nuclear families have thin relationships. The singles are isolated and have even thinner relationships. But the singles can at least see the families having their family gatherings and think that's something more than they're getting. 9/

Modern nuclear families also have overtaxed relationships because they're insular private ventures rather than public goods. For my concerns about this, see this thread. 10/ https://twitter.com/highlyaaronic/status/1082806568931020800

If there's any idol being set up in all of this, it's the idol of consumeristic self-expression or more simply the idol of the self. "Idolatry of the family" is knee-jerk name for our perception that some people have less impoverished relationship than me. 11/

But we all have impoverished relationships. Some of this is an ache for friendship that some feel more than others but which all suffer from impoverishment. I know for myself that my friendships felt (and feel) comparatively dishonored and trivial. 12/

In other words, a impoverishment of a genuine need we were all built to have fulfilled is becoming an occasion for envy and ingratitude. 13/

If you ask me now, I'd say everyone's problem, everyone's struggle to one degree or another, is with doing anything and everything as virtue signalling, identity curation, and personal brand development rather than as an obligation to that which is greater than me. 14/

People in marriages have this problem. People pursuing celibacy have this problem. People practicing Lent have this problem. People identifying and criticizing this problem struggle with this problem. Everybody is effected by it. 15/

And the only relationship for which the corporatistic-consumeristic market has made room is the insular romanticized significant other. It's a toxic arrangement for that relationship and its a trivialization of the importance of all other relationships. 16/

For more on the goodness of obligations, see this thread. 17/ https://twitter.com/highlyaaronic/status/1082293860636807169

Or maybe there really are just a lot of evangelicals out there who want to lead self-indulgent lives free of responsibility. IDK.