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Working with small children is great, today a kid got a popcorn kernel stuck in his nose and I saved the day by telling him to close the other nostril and blow so he did and it shot out onto the table and he grabbed it and put it in his mouth
This could read as sarcasm but I truly mean that it’s genuinely great
Today a kid drew a picture of me! 
I’m so flattered and also I kind of want to dye my hair in blue and green stripes.
I’m so flattered and also I kind of want to dye my hair in blue and green stripes.
When I walked into the classroom today the lights were off for nap time and a kid propped himself up on an elbow and looked at me in the dark and whispered, “Is today Friday or is it not Friday? Cuz I just want to know if it’s Friday or not.” And I had to break the news. 
Today a kid told me I looked like a zombie but wouldn’t tell me why 
Today a kid accidentally hit another kid’s finger with a My Little Pony toy.
Her:
Him: “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”
Her:
Him (whispering in her ear): “don’t worry, I’ll draw you a rainbow, okay?”
Her (a rainbow stan):
Him: *goes over to art table*
Me:
Her:
Him: “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”
Her:
Him (whispering in her ear): “don’t worry, I’ll draw you a rainbow, okay?”
Her (a rainbow stan):
Him: *goes over to art table*
Me:
Today I asked a kid to please not go down the slide head-first and he called me a baby dog?
Today a kid got upset because someone took a toy she‘d been playing with. The perpetrator said “It was just sitting on the ground! That means I can take it!” Through tears she replied wistfully, “I do not have eight hands. Okay? I can’t always hold everything I’m playing with.”
Today we made this video!
A kid, to her friend: “I’m gonna light you on fire and then put you in water and sharks will eat you, and then I will go in its belly to get you and lock you in a gate forever.”
Me: “That’s not very nice. Why are you saying those things?”
Her: “Because, he was laughing too much.”
Me: “That’s not very nice. Why are you saying those things?”
Her: “Because, he was laughing too much.”
Our peers can be the biggest gender police, starting at such a young age. But today two boys put on princess dresses during playtime, and not one of their classmates laughed at them or said anything negative whatsoever. A few did tell them they looked pretty though. 
Today a kid started rubbing the hummus in her lunchbox all over her hands and arms and when I asked what she was doing she said “it’s my lotion.” 
Today a kid wanted me to guess his favorite superhero so I rattled off like fifteen but he kept shaking his head & growing increasingly disgusted with me & finally his friend was like “IT’S HULK OKAY!!!” and he was like “yeah, it’s hulk” I was like “oh cool“ & then they ran off
Today a kid was crying because his leg was asleep when he woke up from his nap. That’s really scary!! And difficult to explain!!!
Today a group of kids were staring really hard at the dirt. Most of the time that means they’re looking for bugs but today they were looking for the Easter Bunny. I asked “How big do you think the Easter Bunny is?” & without even looking up one of them replied, “Very very small.“
Today a kid told me he loved me!
There’s a kid who always sleeps with the blanket pulled up over her face. Today during nap time I looked over and saw her hand crawl out from beneath the blanket, pat around on the floor until she found a book she’d left there, and slowly pull it back under the blanket. 
Today we were reading a picture book of Down By the Bay, and the whale with the polka-dotted tail has pretty scary-looking teeth. One kid said, “He looks...hungry.” I was like, “Yeah.” She was like, “He’s hungry for snack people. Or maybe he wants snacks from their fridges.”
Today two kids kept wanting to play a game they made called “poopy,” or “poopy diaper,” which is basically where they pretend to change each other’s diapers. They kept starting to take each other’s pants off and we kept noticing and stopping them. 
Today at the end of my shift I was sitting at the coloring table with the five kids who hadn’t been picked up yet. One of them was watching me draw a rainbow and some stars, so when I was done I asked him if he wanted it and he said, “Yeah. I like it.”
The same kid referred to one of the crayons as “Fish Restaurant Red” for some reason, which I think is spectacular.
Today two kids were working together really beautifully and patiently for like ten minutes to make a structure out of those little magnet squares, but then they started fighting over one of pieces for some reason and guess what, it all came crashing down.
That’s a story but also a reminder that it takes much longer to build things than it does to destroy them, and also that working together is far more productive and enjoyable than going at it alone.
This morning when a kid’s mom dropped him off she found to tell me, “last night he told me he had two best friends, me and you.” Later he said the same thing to me: “I have two best friends. You and my mommy.”
Today a kid looked me in the eye and told me very seriously, “I went to the store and I bought orange juice with a picture of an orange with a straw on top.”
I started an account for art and comics inspired by these stories! Check it out if you wanna. Maybe I’ll think of a better name at some point. @todayakid
@todayakid
A kid: “The Easter Bunny came to my house this weekend.”
Me: “Oh my gosh!
A kid: “But the Easter Sheep didn’t come.”
Me: “There’s an Easter Sheep?”
Her: “No, there’s just an Easter Bunny. That’s why it didn’t come, like I already said.”
Me: “...oh.”
Me: “Oh my gosh!
A kid: “But the Easter Sheep didn’t come.”
Me: “There’s an Easter Sheep?”
Her: “No, there’s just an Easter Bunny. That’s why it didn’t come, like I already said.”
Me: “...oh.”
same tbh
You guys I totally forgot how emotionally heavy this book is? Also um I love you mom but please don’t ever break into my bedroom and pick me up while I’m sleeping, it’s a bit creepy #LoveYouForever
#LoveYouForever
Kid: “What’s your name?? Poopy Head??!? Hahahahahaha”
Me: “Yeah that’s my name.”
Kid: ...
Me: ...
Kid: “Um okay bye Poopy Head.”
Me: “Okay bye.”
Me: “Yeah that’s my name.”
Kid: ...
Me: ...
Kid: “Um okay bye Poopy Head.”
Me: “Okay bye.”
Today we finished a puzzle but there was one piece missing. I started asking kids if they ate it. Then they started asking each other. And finally from the crowd of overlapping interrogations emerges one loud voice: “NOBODY ATE IT OKAY. None of us here like eating puzzle pieces.”
Kid 1 (crying): “They’re saying I can’t whistle.”
Me: “It’s okay, neither can I.”
Kid 1: “But I CAN whistle.”
Me: “Okay well let’s go talk to them.”
Kid 2: “Ugh well she can’t!!”
Kid 1: “But look!” *high-pitched ooh sound*
Me: “...it’s okay if all our whistles sound different.”
Me: “It’s okay, neither can I.”
Kid 1: “But I CAN whistle.”
Me: “Okay well let’s go talk to them.”
Kid 2: “Ugh well she can’t!!”
Kid 1: “But look!” *high-pitched ooh sound*
Me: “...it’s okay if all our whistles sound different.”
Today a kid I was babysitting looked at the dog bed in the corner and said, “Dog beds smell bad because the dogs fart on it and then it smells like poop.”
The same kid was watching this one fish hiding in one of the rock structures in an aquarium and then she spotted another one a little ways away and said “I think that bigger fish is his boyfriend.”
My 7yo cousin, in between reading me a story she wrote: “Wait you’re not all the way grown up, right? So you won’t get mad at me if I say a bad word? It’s for the story. It’s a brother-sister fight so they’re mad. And almost every movie has at least one bad word in it anyways.”
Me (bracing myself): “Yeah, go ahead.”
Her (nervously): “Okay, ‘“You’re stupid,” he said.’”
Her (nervously): “Okay, ‘“You’re stupid,” he said.’”
Also my 7yo cousin to me today: “Don’t get any more tattoos, okay? My mom says they’re bad and they mess up your blood. And she knows, cuz she’s a doctor. Plus if you want to express yourself like that you can just use markers.”
Kid: *chewing*
Me: “What are you eating?”
Kid: “Sand.”
Me: “Why?”
Kid: *points to her friend* “Cuz she gived me some.”
Me: “What are you eating?”
Kid: “Sand.”
Me: “Why?”
Kid: *points to her friend* “Cuz she gived me some.”
Four boys were having a heated argument over who got which scooter, but then a butterfly flew by and one of them pointed to it yelling "BUTTERFLY" & they set aside their differences, each picked up a scooter, and rode off together in pursuit of getting a better glimpse
*on the subway today*
Me: “So what was your favorite part of the museum?”
4yo I was babysitting: “Hmm the part where YOU POOPED YOUR PANTS!!”
Me: “I don’t remember that happening but I’m glad it brought you joy!”
Her: “HAHAHAHA!”
Me: “...I liked the butterfly garden.”
Me: “So what was your favorite part of the museum?”
4yo I was babysitting: “Hmm the part where YOU POOPED YOUR PANTS!!”
Me: “I don’t remember that happening but I’m glad it brought you joy!”
Her: “HAHAHAHA!”
Me: “...I liked the butterfly garden.”
The kid I was babysitting insisted on holding the umbrella and thought it was really funny that I was being rained on & then later when we got inside she was irritated that I had wet hair and told me it didn’t look good lol
Today a kid was eating leftover pizza in his lunch and suddenly spit out a bite & stared at it, his eyes filled with horror & he shouted “there was an OLIVE in my PIZZA and IT WAS IN MY MOUTH! I do NOT like olives.”
Felt so bad for him because this happened to me with a mushroom when I was a kid & I still remember it
Me: “Who’s your favorite superhero?”
Kid: “Me!”
Kid: “Me!”
Kid I babysit: *fills mouth with water from a drinking fountain at the playground and then spits it at me in a stream*
Me:
Her:
Me: “Did that make you happy?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “Okay yeah me neither, that was a fun idea but let’s not do it again.”
Me:
Her:
Me: “Did that make you happy?”
Her: “No.”
Me: “Okay yeah me neither, that was a fun idea but let’s not do it again.”
Babysit-ee: "I turned five so now I’m older than you, so I get to say what we do."
Me: "Do you want to know how old I am?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "19."
Her: "No you’re not. You’re zero."
Me: "Oh.”
Her: "Well, zero and a half."
Me: "Okay well as a baby-“
Her: “Babies can’t talk.”
Me:
Me: "Do you want to know how old I am?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "19."
Her: "No you’re not. You’re zero."
Me: "Oh.”
Her: "Well, zero and a half."
Me: "Okay well as a baby-“
Her: “Babies can’t talk.”
Me:
“Pretend I fed you pie, but there are bees in the pie. And wasps. And spiders. So now they’re crawling around in your tummy. But they’re not stinging you. They’re just the tickling kind.”
