Read on Twitter
TW: abuse, manipulation, consent violation, BDSM
I& #39;m still working up the courage to do my angry kink community thread, so tonight I& #39;m gonna try and list some red flags that are specific to kinky abusers and BDSM communities. Feel free to mute this thread or suggest your own <3
I& #39;m still working up the courage to do my angry kink community thread, so tonight I& #39;m gonna try and list some red flags that are specific to kinky abusers and BDSM communities. Feel free to mute this thread or suggest your own <3
1: saying that their previous subs weren& #39;t & #39;real& #39; subs.
2: being strongly opposed to & #39;topping from the bottom& #39; which in my experience usually means & #39;bottoms expressing their desires and needs during a scene& #39;
3: being friends with/making excuses for known predators
2: being strongly opposed to & #39;topping from the bottom& #39; which in my experience usually means & #39;bottoms expressing their desires and needs during a scene& #39;
3: being friends with/making excuses for known predators
4: being reluctant or offended when you ask for references or tell them you& #39;re setting up a safecall, or take other steps to ensure your safety. If they act like they& #39;re entitled to your trust, don& #39;t trust & #39;em
5: exaggerating their level or range of experience.
5: exaggerating their level or range of experience.
6: (photographer-specific) stealing other people& #39;s photos/not having any of their own photos.
7: they always hit on people who are inexperienced/new to the scene ie people who are more vulnerable or unaware of the abuser& #39;s reputation.
7: they always hit on people who are inexperienced/new to the scene ie people who are more vulnerable or unaware of the abuser& #39;s reputation.
8: rushing/skipping negotiation, or focusing the negotiation on what they want to do.
9: failing to ask about your safety needs
9: failing to ask about your safety needs
10: expecting you to address them by a title (or addressing you by a title) without it being negotiated.
11: (online) trying to meet with you in private instead of meeting in a public place
11: (online) trying to meet with you in private instead of meeting in a public place
12: saying subs should have no limits
Most of these are focused on abusive tops/doms, but bottoms/subs can be abusive/predatory too. I& #39;m more attuned to recognising bad doms tho. Pls halp
Most of these are focused on abusive tops/doms, but bottoms/subs can be abusive/predatory too. I& #39;m more attuned to recognising bad doms tho. Pls halp
13: making assumptions about your fetishes, preferences, pain tolerance, etc
14: putting people down for having a low pain tolerance, having less extreme fetishes, not approaching BDSM in the exact same way they do
14: putting people down for having a low pain tolerance, having less extreme fetishes, not approaching BDSM in the exact same way they do
15: telling you repeatedly how safe they are, without really doing anything to back that up.
16: Talking badly about the local kink community. There can be valid reasons (I& #39;ve hated every kink community I& #39;ve seen) but sometimes it& #39;s because they& #39;ve been banned for misconduct
16: Talking badly about the local kink community. There can be valid reasons (I& #39;ve hated every kink community I& #39;ve seen) but sometimes it& #39;s because they& #39;ve been banned for misconduct
17: acting as though men are dominant and women are submissive by default.
18: having glaring gaps in their knowledge such as not knowing basic terminology.
19: threatening to punish you with your hard/soft limits.
18: having glaring gaps in their knowledge such as not knowing basic terminology.
19: threatening to punish you with your hard/soft limits.
20: giving or demanding money straight away before you& #39;ve gotten to know each other
21: "I don& #39;t believe in safe words"
22: asking you to sign a contract that you& #39;ve had no input on (or even one that you haven& #39;t read)
23: calling people & #39;vanilla& #39; pejoratively
21: "I don& #39;t believe in safe words"
22: asking you to sign a contract that you& #39;ve had no input on (or even one that you haven& #39;t read)
23: calling people & #39;vanilla& #39; pejoratively
24: wanting to play while intoxicated, or while you& #39;re intoxicated. This isn& #39;t as much of an issue when you& #39;ve been playing together for a while, but they should know that intoxication and unfamiliarity make things a lot more risky
25: acting like a dom/sub outside of a scene, or with people who haven& #39;t consented to it.
26: their fantasies are basically just summaries of a porn film they saw once
26: their fantasies are basically just summaries of a porn film they saw once
25 cont: this can manifest as doms waving their dicks around at munches (metaphorically) or giving instructions/talking down to subs/women.
This has actually been really funny on a few occasions when I& #39;ve seen middle-aged men at kink workshops all getting into a pissing contest trying to project their & #39;authority& #39; over the entire discussion. But still, RED FLAG.
27: trying to initiate kink at inappropriate times, e.g. in public or during arguments
28: (bottoms/subs) treating tops/doms like fetish dispensers e.g. asking to be tied up while displaying zero interest in the person doing the tying.
28: (bottoms/subs) treating tops/doms like fetish dispensers e.g. asking to be tied up while displaying zero interest in the person doing the tying.
29: this is a subset of 10, but, introducing themselves to you with their title instead of just their name e.g. & #39;nice to meet you, I& #39;m Master Robert& #39; instead of & #39;hi I& #39;m bob.& #39;
30: offering to & #39;mentor& #39; you in your kink journey when the & #39;mentoring& #39; involves you doing kink together.
I& #39;m done for tonight. If you know any other red flags, please let me know and I& #39;ll add them to the list.
Also a lot of these warrant further explanation and I shouldn& #39;t have done multiple flags per tweet. If any of them confuse you, @/DM me and I& #39;ll try to explain properly <3
Also a lot of these warrant further explanation and I shouldn& #39;t have done multiple flags per tweet. If any of them confuse you, @/DM me and I& #39;ll try to explain properly <3
32: doms including punishment in a D/S dynamic without consent or a clear mutual understanding of how you& #39;re going to incorporate punishment.
This is kind of obvious but I think it should be said that you can have a D/S relationship that involves no punishment aspect whatsoever
This is kind of obvious but I think it should be said that you can have a D/S relationship that involves no punishment aspect whatsoever
33: https://twitter.com/EldritchWhispe2/status/1089336971154112512">https://twitter.com/EldritchW...
34: https://twitter.com/EldritchWhispe2/status/1089337471215812608">https://twitter.com/EldritchW...
35/36: https://twitter.com/Sophiepuddle/status/1089340113782480898">https://twitter.com/Sophiepud...
37: guilt-tripping you when you& #39;re not in the mood https://twitter.com/Sophiepuddle/status/1089341323402981377">https://twitter.com/Sophiepud...
38: https://twitter.com/Sophiepuddle/status/1089342291565821952">https://twitter.com/Sophiepud...
39: see 1 https://twitter.com/xyalexis/status/1089346771434655744">https://twitter.com/xyalexis/...
