Well it's mid-week and freezing cold, so here's a thread of composers as biscuits.

1. J. S. Bach, Chocolate Leibniz. Basically cannot go wrong with this biscuit.

2. C. P. E. Bach, Orange Leibniz. Nice try, bit different, but not as good as the original (soz beb)

3. Vivaldi, Garibaldi biscuit. Identikit biscuits that last forever and are inexplicably wildly popular.

Domenico Scarlatti, Wagon wheels. THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON.

6. Pachelbel, malted milk. The basis for so many other biscuits, but ultimately a bit boring on its own.

7. Handel, shortbread. No nonsense. You know where you are with shortbread-Handel.

8. Haydn, Jammie Dodger. The fun, family-friendly biscuit.

9. Mozart, hobnob. Delicious on its own, and the foundations of many other biscuits.

10. Beethoven, dark chocolate hobnob. King of biscuits.

11. Schubert, chocolate bourbon. Elegant and multi-layered, this wonder-biscuit is constantly surprising.

12. Felix Mendelssohn, lotus biscuit. Seems simple, surprisingly delicious, but ultimately a bit saccharine for some.

13. Rossini, the Tunnock Wafer. Just tries too hard.

14. Liszt, jaffa cake. Is he a cake/composer, biscuit/performer? He doesn’t care. He’s popular and raking in the money.

15. Chopin, Custard creams. So smoooooth.

16. Rachmaninov, Foxes cream crunch. Just a slightly more fancy Chopin.

17. Brahms, biscuit assortment. Looks like a huge selection but ultimately everything tastes a bit the same. Something for everyone though.

18. Ethel Smyth, rich tea. Don’t underestimate this biscuit. Literal perfection with a good cup of tea.

19. Nielsen, party rings. The original joker.

20. Prokofiev, ginger biscuits. Never quite certain how much spice you’re gonna get.

21. Rebecca Clarke, florentines. Difficult to get right, but when you do these are biscuit perfection.

22. Richard Wagner, Oreo. Divisive, and not everyone's taste.

23. Johann Strauss, pink wafer. All flash no flavour.

24. Richard Strauss, Lebkuchen. Literally the best German biscuit there is, and the much better Strauss. So scrumptious. Such harmonies. Wow.

25. John Cage, biscuit tin that you open expecting there to be biscuits but you forgot it was actually the tin you use for all the random screws that you don’t know where they go or what they're for. Best use = prepared piano.

26. Debussy, macarons. Delicate but with a wonderful variety of textures, packed full of flavour, the perfect summer biscuit.

27. Clara Schumann, chocolate digestive. This elegant biscuit is a classic. 11/10 compatibility with a strong morning coffee.

28. Schoenberg, brandy snaps. A tricky customer, this biscuit. Undercooked and it's soggy. Overcooked and it's too sharp and shreds your mouth. Eugh. But get it right and this biscuit will blow your mind.

29. Bruckner, chunky kit-kat. ...why is this biscuit so big?

30. Stravinsky, Fox's assortments. Will it be the neoclassical cream? Serial crunch? DOESN'T MATTER THEY'RE ALL DELICIOUS.

31. Elgar, digestive. Often used to symbolise 'Britishness'. Consequently many people in a love/hate relationship with this biscuit.

32. Tchaikovsky, rocky road. No matter what mood you're in, there's something in this biscuit for you. Crunchy, squishy, chocolatey.

33. Sibelius, Finn crisp. This is a no-frills biscuit. Very versatile.

34. Vaughan Williams, Borders dark chocolate gingers. Layers of complexity disguised by a shiny veneer. Warning: extremely more-ish.

35. Mahler, viennese whirl. A modern twist on an absolute classic.