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Important thread for the day. Today I will be evaluating Disney villains on the two most critical metrics:
1. Are they redeemable?
2. Do they fuck?
Question 1 will also handle the important question of "were they actually right?" before you ask.
1. Are they redeemable?
2. Do they fuck?
Question 1 will also handle the important question of "were they actually right?" before you ask.
THE QUEEN (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)
Redeemable: "I& #39;m going to kill everyone hotter than me" is a good indication she& #39;s kinda far gone, really.
Does She Fuck: "I& #39;m going to kill everyone hotter than me" is telling on this metric, too, but she may be boinking the Huntsman.
Redeemable: "I& #39;m going to kill everyone hotter than me" is a good indication she& #39;s kinda far gone, really.
Does She Fuck: "I& #39;m going to kill everyone hotter than me" is telling on this metric, too, but she may be boinking the Huntsman.
HONEST JOHN FOULFELLOW (Pinocchio)
Redeemable: For want of a better social safety net, John is a con man being used by other con men. With better support, who knows?
Does He Fuck: Absolutely.
(yes this movie has several villains but Honest John is the source of most problems)
Redeemable: For want of a better social safety net, John is a con man being used by other con men. With better support, who knows?
Does He Fuck: Absolutely.
(yes this movie has several villains but Honest John is the source of most problems)
I& #39;m skipping films like Fantasia and the compilation films for obvious reasons but if there& #39;s an abstract villain I& #39;ll hit at them.
THE CIRCUS-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX (Dumbo)
Redeemable: Hell to the no, exploitative and abusive and (in this film) racist as fuck, shut it down.
Does It Fuck: Lots of people and animals get ROYALLY fucked by the circus industry.
Redeemable: Hell to the no, exploitative and abusive and (in this film) racist as fuck, shut it down.
Does It Fuck: Lots of people and animals get ROYALLY fucked by the circus industry.
Quick pause to say, yes, Chernabog fucks. https://twitter.com/truckeeben/status/1086688399094763520?s=19">https://twitter.com/truckeebe...
MAN (Bambi)
Redeemable: Most of their efforts at redemption involve trying to reverse the things THEY fucked up so THEY don& #39;t die, so probably not.
Do They Fuck: Not tonight, honey, I& #39;m really tired.
Redeemable: Most of their efforts at redemption involve trying to reverse the things THEY fucked up so THEY don& #39;t die, so probably not.
Do They Fuck: Not tonight, honey, I& #39;m really tired.
THE LADY TREMAINE (Cinderella)
Redeemable: Bad direct-to-DVD sequels notwithstanding, she& #39;s an old money monster who basically keeps a family member in servitude to better play the nobility-fucking game. Nope. Bad news.
Does She Fuck: She does fuck though.
Redeemable: Bad direct-to-DVD sequels notwithstanding, she& #39;s an old money monster who basically keeps a family member in servitude to better play the nobility-fucking game. Nope. Bad news.
Does She Fuck: She does fuck though.
THE QUEEN OF HEARTS (Alice in Wonderland)
Redeemable: Literal murderous royal who& #39;s a tower of perpetual rage. She& #39;s not getting better without losing everything she has.
Does She Fuck: Yes she does. Total domme, she and the King are very into humiliation-oriented kinkplay.
Redeemable: Literal murderous royal who& #39;s a tower of perpetual rage. She& #39;s not getting better without losing everything she has.
Does She Fuck: Yes she does. Total domme, she and the King are very into humiliation-oriented kinkplay.
CAPTAIN HOOK (Peter Pan)
Redeemable: Single-minded revenge fantasy about a brat who literally dismembered him. He kinda has a point and could& #39;ve gone down a better path. Still not too far gone.
Does He Fuck: Only with Mr. Starkey, much to Smee& #39;s disappointment.
Redeemable: Single-minded revenge fantasy about a brat who literally dismembered him. He kinda has a point and could& #39;ve gone down a better path. Still not too far gone.
Does He Fuck: Only with Mr. Starkey, much to Smee& #39;s disappointment.
THE BABY (Lady and the Tramp)
Redeemable: The Baby is the source of all of Lady& #39;s problems, but they& #39;re almost all misunderstandings. The Baby will grow up fine. Those racist cats can fuck off though.
Does Sh--: get out.
Redeemable: The Baby is the source of all of Lady& #39;s problems, but they& #39;re almost all misunderstandings. The Baby will grow up fine. Those racist cats can fuck off though.
Does Sh--: get out.
MALEFICENT (Sleeping Beauty)
Redeemable: What would redemption for an anti-royal fey revolutionary even look like? Even in the original movie she feels more like a competing leadership vision than antagonist. Rude to curse a baby though.
Does She Fuck: Whenever she wants.
Redeemable: What would redemption for an anti-royal fey revolutionary even look like? Even in the original movie she feels more like a competing leadership vision than antagonist. Rude to curse a baby though.
Does She Fuck: Whenever she wants.
CRUELLA DE VIL (One Hundred and One Dalmatians)
Redeemable: No. Dognapping rage monster bougie trash. If she loses it all she& #39;ll be stepping all over everyone to get it back.
Does She Fuck: Can& #39;t find anyone to meet her impossible standards. Says she& #39;s married to "the game."
Redeemable: No. Dognapping rage monster bougie trash. If she loses it all she& #39;ll be stepping all over everyone to get it back.
Does She Fuck: Can& #39;t find anyone to meet her impossible standards. Says she& #39;s married to "the game."
THE MAGNIFICENT MARVELOUS MAD MAD MAD MAD MADAM MIM (The Sword in the Stone)
Redeemable: I don& #39;t think she& #39;s wrong. She clearly hates the royals and is more of a rival to Merlin. "Redeemable" sounds like "coming to Jesus" in this narrative and. No.
Does She Fuck. For sure.
Redeemable: I don& #39;t think she& #39;s wrong. She clearly hates the royals and is more of a rival to Merlin. "Redeemable" sounds like "coming to Jesus" in this narrative and. No.
Does She Fuck. For sure.
SHERE KHAN (The Jungle Book)
Redeemable: "Distrustful to humans" is always a safe stance in the animal-centered movies. Preds gotta eat, Shere Khan gotta Shere Khan, he& #39;s fine.
Does He Fuck: Name a hornier movie tiger, I& #39;ll wait.
Redeemable: "Distrustful to humans" is always a safe stance in the animal-centered movies. Preds gotta eat, Shere Khan gotta Shere Khan, he& #39;s fine.
Does He Fuck: Name a hornier movie tiger, I& #39;ll wait.
EDGAR BALTHAZAR (The Aristocats)
Redeemable: Look, this dude& #39;s years of loyal service get rewarded by being shut out of the inheritance so the goddamn cats can get a payday. He& #39;s easily redeemable. Fucking pay him what you owe.
Does He Fuck: Not for some time. :(
Redeemable: Look, this dude& #39;s years of loyal service get rewarded by being shut out of the inheritance so the goddamn cats can get a payday. He& #39;s easily redeemable. Fucking pay him what you owe.
Does He Fuck: Not for some time. :(
Before we go further, I have not seen Treasure Planet, Brother Bear, or Home on the Range. I will update later when I see these movies.
PRINCE JOHN (Robin Hood)
Redeemable: Look, I don& #39;t have high hopes in the various "depose a royal to become a worse one" types getting better. Prince John could& #39;ve at no point turned things around.
Does He Fuck: If he does, they& #39;re related.
Redeemable: Look, I don& #39;t have high hopes in the various "depose a royal to become a worse one" types getting better. Prince John could& #39;ve at no point turned things around.
Does He Fuck: If he does, they& #39;re related.
THE BEES (The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh)
Redeemable: They& #39;re only trying to do their goddamn job, leave them alone you ravenous fucking bear.
Do They Fuck: Only the queen and her drones.
Redeemable: They& #39;re only trying to do their goddamn job, leave them alone you ravenous fucking bear.
Do They Fuck: Only the queen and her drones.
AMOS SLADE (The Fox and the Hound)
Redeemable: He is, it happens in the movie.
Does He Fuck: Yeah, probably, like this dude probably either has or had a wife, and he probably fucks.
Redeemable: He is, it happens in the movie.
Does He Fuck: Yeah, probably, like this dude probably either has or had a wife, and he probably fucks.
THE HORNED KING (The Black Cauldron)
Redeemable: Living embodiment of pure evil who exists to motivate the protags. As irredeemable as they come, that& #39;s the point.
Does He Fuck: NO TIME TO FUCK, CONKERING EARTH. -ADMIN
Redeemable: Living embodiment of pure evil who exists to motivate the protags. As irredeemable as they come, that& #39;s the point.
Does He Fuck: NO TIME TO FUCK, CONKERING EARTH. -ADMIN
PROFESSOR RATIGAN (The Great Mouse Detective)
Redeemable: Another royal-deposer and a real motherfucker at that, with no love even for his underlings. Nope!
Does He Fuck: "Carnal release would cause an imbalance of humors that would leave me demotivated and enervated."
Redeemable: Another royal-deposer and a real motherfucker at that, with no love even for his underlings. Nope!
Does He Fuck: "Carnal release would cause an imbalance of humors that would leave me demotivated and enervated."
BILL SYKES (Oliver and Company)
Redeemable: No, this isn& #39;t the Dickens story where the ruthless money-grubbing loan shark can fix everything. Jerk to the end.
Does He Fuck: Yes, I suspect Sykes leads a normal life on the side and just doesn& #39;t discuss his villainy with his wife.
Redeemable: No, this isn& #39;t the Dickens story where the ruthless money-grubbing loan shark can fix everything. Jerk to the end.
Does He Fuck: Yes, I suspect Sykes leads a normal life on the side and just doesn& #39;t discuss his villainy with his wife.
URSULA (The Little Mermaid)
Redeemable: I think so? Maybe not by the time the movie starts but it& #39;s implied a turning point may have happened when she was a palace sorceress.
Does She Fuck: Not anymore, but she& #39;s a volcel now, promises she& #39;ll get back to it when she wins.
Redeemable: I think so? Maybe not by the time the movie starts but it& #39;s implied a turning point may have happened when she was a palace sorceress.
Does She Fuck: Not anymore, but she& #39;s a volcel now, promises she& #39;ll get back to it when she wins.
Oh somehow I skipped
MADAME MEDUSA (The Rescuers)
Redeemable: Nah, these movies are about greedy adults exploiting kids, she sucks.
Does She Fuck: Definitely, fucking might actually be a motivation for all this, I suspect she& #39;s kinky too.
MADAME MEDUSA (The Rescuers)
Redeemable: Nah, these movies are about greedy adults exploiting kids, she sucks.
Does She Fuck: Definitely, fucking might actually be a motivation for all this, I suspect she& #39;s kinky too.
which brings us to
PERCIVAL MCLEACH (The Rescuers Down Under) (seriously it counts)
Redeemable: No way. Dude wants to murder a beautiful endangered bird for a trophy. He probably runs Jimmy John& #39;s too.
Does He Fuck: Yeah. But he& #39;s done the second he cums and doesn& #39;t do foreplay.
PERCIVAL MCLEACH (The Rescuers Down Under) (seriously it counts)
Redeemable: No way. Dude wants to murder a beautiful endangered bird for a trophy. He probably runs Jimmy John& #39;s too.
Does He Fuck: Yeah. But he& #39;s done the second he cums and doesn& #39;t do foreplay.
GASTON (Beauty and the Beast)
Redeemable: No. If he survives the movie he tries years later to rebrand himself as a centrist who& #39;s seen the light but he& #39;s right back to his bullshit when the grift doesn& #39;t pay off.
Does He Fuck: Not nearly as often as he claims.
Redeemable: No. If he survives the movie he tries years later to rebrand himself as a centrist who& #39;s seen the light but he& #39;s right back to his bullshit when the grift doesn& #39;t pay off.
Does He Fuck: Not nearly as often as he claims.
JAFAR (Aladdin)
Redeemable: Jafar is all about manipulating people who can& #39;t consent. That& #39;s a super bad character trait, folks.
Does He Fuck: No. Not even Jasmine. Dude gets off at the idea of power and views any partner as a trapping or adornment.
Redeemable: Jafar is all about manipulating people who can& #39;t consent. That& #39;s a super bad character trait, folks.
Does He Fuck: No. Not even Jasmine. Dude gets off at the idea of power and views any partner as a trapping or adornment.
SCAR (The Lion King)
Redeemable: His moment was before the movie. He claims to have all these brains, but his schemes are basic (he& #39;s lost after he wins) and isn& #39;t interested in HELPING his brother. By the time we meet him he& #39;s too far gone.
Does He Fuck: He doesn& #39;t know how.
Redeemable: His moment was before the movie. He claims to have all these brains, but his schemes are basic (he& #39;s lost after he wins) and isn& #39;t interested in HELPING his brother. By the time we meet him he& #39;s too far gone.
Does He Fuck: He doesn& #39;t know how.
GOVERNOR RATCLIFFE (Well-Intended Afterschool Special by Well-Meaning But Ignorant White Liberals)
Redeemable: He may die and fertilize some pretty plants.
Does He Fuck: He probably has a wife back home but it& #39;s probably a real shitty relationship I dunno can do move on?
Redeemable: He may die and fertilize some pretty plants.
Does He Fuck: He probably has a wife back home but it& #39;s probably a real shitty relationship I dunno can do move on?
CLAUDE FROLLO (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)
Redeemable: lmao not happening
Does He Fuck: holy shit have you seen this movie?
Redeemable: lmao not happening
Does He Fuck: holy shit have you seen this movie?
HADES (Hercules)
Redeemable: Movie Hades clearly hates his job but he& #39;s been forced into it by his brother. There was definitely a time he could have turned it around but not with Zeus interfering.
Redeemable (alt): Nope, he& #39;s James Woods.
Does He Fuck: Nope, he& #39;s James Woods.
Redeemable: Movie Hades clearly hates his job but he& #39;s been forced into it by his brother. There was definitely a time he could have turned it around but not with Zeus interfering.
Redeemable (alt): Nope, he& #39;s James Woods.
Does He Fuck: Nope, he& #39;s James Woods.
SHAN YU (Mulan)
Redeemable: I think he turns out decent if he doesn& #39;t ever get sight of that wall, but that& #39;s a really iffy question. Dude burns a village, he& #39;s pretty bad.
Does He Fuck: Not since he set his sights on destroying China. Not for a long time. His wife weeps.
Redeemable: I think he turns out decent if he doesn& #39;t ever get sight of that wall, but that& #39;s a really iffy question. Dude burns a village, he& #39;s pretty bad.
Does He Fuck: Not since he set his sights on destroying China. Not for a long time. His wife weeps.
CLAYTON (Tarzan)
Redeemable: I have no love for poachers. This dude& #39;s McLeach with a better PR firm. Nope.
Does He Fuck: No, he left it all behind to pursue gorillas, he has no time for that anymore. What a dork, fuck this guy.
Redeemable: I have no love for poachers. This dude& #39;s McLeach with a better PR firm. Nope.
Does He Fuck: No, he left it all behind to pursue gorillas, he has no time for that anymore. What a dork, fuck this guy.
CARNOTAURUS (Dinosaur)
Redeemable: Preds gonna pred. This is a movie about animals doing animal things. I& #39;m not going to sit here and hold it against this dinosaur for having dinosaur-level intellect.
Do They Fuck: siri do dinosaurs fuck
Redeemable: Preds gonna pred. This is a movie about animals doing animal things. I& #39;m not going to sit here and hold it against this dinosaur for having dinosaur-level intellect.
Do They Fuck: siri do dinosaurs fuck
YZMA (The Emperor& #39;s New Groove)
Redeemable: Yes. Yes, definitely. The entire thrust of her character is she ended up this way because her boss treated her like shit, and the movie shows Kuzco doing that.
Does She Fuck: The movie strongly implies she and Kronk do indeed fuck.
Redeemable: Yes. Yes, definitely. The entire thrust of her character is she ended up this way because her boss treated her like shit, and the movie shows Kuzco doing that.
Does She Fuck: The movie strongly implies she and Kronk do indeed fuck.
COMMANDER ROURKE (Atlantis: The Lost Empire)
Redeemable: See Ratcliffe, Governor, colonists aren& #39;t redeemable.
Does He Fuck: Not since the first time he logged into /r/MGTOW.
Redeemable: See Ratcliffe, Governor, colonists aren& #39;t redeemable.
Does He Fuck: Not since the first time he logged into /r/MGTOW.
CAPTAIN GANTU (Lilo & Stitch)
Redeemable: I& #39;m sure the series/sequels run counter to this, but I& #39;ve always lumped Gantu into the Just Trying To Do His Goddamn Job category. Doesn& #39;t respect humans because he doesn& #39;t know what they are.
Does He Fuck: siri do shark aliens fuck
Redeemable: I& #39;m sure the series/sequels run counter to this, but I& #39;ve always lumped Gantu into the Just Trying To Do His Goddamn Job category. Doesn& #39;t respect humans because he doesn& #39;t know what they are.
Does He Fuck: siri do shark aliens fuck
skipping the next three, which I haven& #39;t seen, we arrive at...
THE ALIENS (Chicken Little)
Redeemable: No need to, the movie is about a misunderstanding and they don& #39;t hurt anybody and apologize profusely for causing a ruckus.
Do They Fuck: They have a kid so, probably.
THE ALIENS (Chicken Little)
Redeemable: No need to, the movie is about a misunderstanding and they don& #39;t hurt anybody and apologize profusely for causing a ruckus.
Do They Fuck: They have a kid so, probably.
BOWLER HAT GUY (Meet the Robinsons)
Redeemable: Yes, the movie is in large part about this.
Does He Fuck: Once the timeline is fixed, yeah. Before that though, no yikes.
Redeemable: Yes, the movie is in large part about this.
Does He Fuck: Once the timeline is fixed, yeah. Before that though, no yikes.
THE OPEN ROAD SEPARATING BOLT FROM PENNY (Bolt)
Redeemable: There& #39;s so much of this beautiful land that makes it redeemable. So many good people just trying to live a life. So many beautiful landscapes. The road is a harsh beauty
Does It Fuck: ...I mean if you WANTED to I guess.
Redeemable: There& #39;s so much of this beautiful land that makes it redeemable. So many good people just trying to live a life. So many beautiful landscapes. The road is a harsh beauty
Does It Fuck: ...I mean if you WANTED to I guess.
DR. FACILIER (The Princess and the Frog)
Redeemable: I think Shadow Man just kept going until he was in too deep to get right by his friends on the other side. He could& #39;ve stopped but not when the movie starts.
Does He Fuck: Of COURSE the voodoo man from New Orleans fucks.
Redeemable: I think Shadow Man just kept going until he was in too deep to get right by his friends on the other side. He could& #39;ve stopped but not when the movie starts.
Does He Fuck: Of COURSE the voodoo man from New Orleans fucks.
MOTHER GOTHEL (Tangled)
Redeemable: Whole film is driven by her desire for self-preservation at all costs, no matter who she has to destroy and/or gaslight forever. She& #39;s a great villain BECAUSE she& #39;s so irredeemable.
Does She Fuck: Look at her at the tavern, hell yeah she does.
Redeemable: Whole film is driven by her desire for self-preservation at all costs, no matter who she has to destroy and/or gaslight forever. She& #39;s a great villain BECAUSE she& #39;s so irredeemable.
Does She Fuck: Look at her at the tavern, hell yeah she does.
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN LEAVING TO GO TO SCHOOL AND PROMISING HE& #39;LL BE "BACKSON" (Winnie the Pooh)
Redeemable: yeah, he comes back.
Does H--: /get out/.
Redeemable: yeah, he comes back.
Does H--: /get out/.
KING CANDY (Wreck-It Ralph)
Redeemable: Honestly I don& #39;t even know WHAT his point is, he seems motivated by destruction and power for its own sake and was probably driven nuts by losing his game. Can& #39;t be helped.
Does He Fuck: Messed with his own programming so he can.
Redeemable: Honestly I don& #39;t even know WHAT his point is, he seems motivated by destruction and power for its own sake and was probably driven nuts by losing his game. Can& #39;t be helped.
Does He Fuck: Messed with his own programming so he can.
PRINCE HANS (Frozen)
Redeemable: MAAAAYBE if he hadn& #39;t been screwed over by royal succession law or some bullshit? But lmao actually, no. No no no no no.
Does He Fuck: Incel and mad about it.
Redeemable: MAAAAYBE if he hadn& #39;t been screwed over by royal succession law or some bullshit? But lmao actually, no. No no no no no.
Does He Fuck: Incel and mad about it.
APPARENTLY THE MASKED GUY IS NAMED YOKAI? BUT ALSO THE GUY UNDER THE MASK (Big Hero 6)
Redeemable: Pure victim of circumstance on one hand, but on the other he didn& #39;t give two shits about Tadashi& #39;s death because of his quest for revenge.
Does He Fuck: Not like he used to.
Redeemable: Pure victim of circumstance on one hand, but on the other he didn& #39;t give two shits about Tadashi& #39;s death because of his quest for revenge.
Does He Fuck: Not like he used to.
ASSISTANT MAYOR BELLWETHER (Zootopia)
Redeemable: Good /lord/ no. Should the mayor have treated her better? Yes. Was it worth *GESTURES BROADLY* all this? No.
Does She Fuck: She& #39;s pan/poly and has several partners online but they& #39;ve never met in person. May meet up at HumanCon.
Redeemable: Good /lord/ no. Should the mayor have treated her better? Yes. Was it worth *GESTURES BROADLY* all this? No.
Does She Fuck: She& #39;s pan/poly and has several partners online but they& #39;ve never met in person. May meet up at HumanCon.
TE KA (Moana)
Redeemable: Yes very good this is in fact what the movie Moana is about.
Does She Fuck: No not when she& #39;s like this and it& #39;s REALLY PISSING HER OFF.
Redeemable: Yes very good this is in fact what the movie Moana is about.
Does She Fuck: No not when she& #39;s like this and it& #39;s REALLY PISSING HER OFF.
VIRUS-CLONES SYMBOLIZING RALPH& #39;S INSECURITY (Ralph Breaks the Internet)
Redeemable: Yes, Ralph can conquer his weird insecurity that he has for. Some reason. This movie gets really dumb in the last act.
Do They Fuck: Mods deleted BuzzzTube video "WRECK-IT RALPH FUCKS" so no.
Redeemable: Yes, Ralph can conquer his weird insecurity that he has for. Some reason. This movie gets really dumb in the last act.
Do They Fuck: Mods deleted BuzzzTube video "WRECK-IT RALPH FUCKS" so no.
Here, you& #39;ve reached the end of the thread, throw me a few pennies if you wanna! http://ko-fi.com/gemcitygem ">https://ko-fi.com/gemcityge...
JOHN SILVER AND HIS MUTINOUS CREW (Treasure Planet)
Redeemable: Other than the lobster guy, yes, the movie is about this.
Do They Fuck: "Got me bits blown off by a laser ball on Galaga IX. Never let it stop me, lad. Thar be depraved alien booty in every port, if ye follow."
Redeemable: Other than the lobster guy, yes, the movie is about this.
Do They Fuck: "Got me bits blown off by a laser ball on Galaga IX. Never let it stop me, lad. Thar be depraved alien booty in every port, if ye follow."
DENAHI (Brother Bear)
Redeemable: Yeah, this movie is like two different Redemption Arcs and the real villain is A LACK OF EMPATHY but Denahi is I guess the closest to a villain and he gets redeemed and retires his BLOOD RAGE.
Does He Fuck: god, who cares, this movie sucks shit.
Redeemable: Yeah, this movie is like two different Redemption Arcs and the real villain is A LACK OF EMPATHY but Denahi is I guess the closest to a villain and he gets redeemed and retires his BLOOD RAGE.
Does He Fuck: god, who cares, this movie sucks shit.
ALAMEDA SLIM (Home on the Range)
Redeemable: Nah, not when the movie starts, he& #39;s an unapologetic hyper-capitalist asshole out for monopolistic controls. Even his fake alterego says he& #39;s into foreclosure, out loud.
Does He Fuck: Of course he does, he& #39;s an accomplished yodeler.
Redeemable: Nah, not when the movie starts, he& #39;s an unapologetic hyper-capitalist asshole out for monopolistic controls. Even his fake alterego says he& #39;s into foreclosure, out loud.
Does He Fuck: Of course he does, he& #39;s an accomplished yodeler.
(wow this movie is, really stupid.)
(CW: SPOILERS)
THE LEGACY OF COLONIALISM (Frozen 2)
Redeemable: Historians will try really hard on this one, but nope, the point is to undo it not redeem it.
Does It Fuck?: Not in any sexy ways.
THE LEGACY OF COLONIALISM (Frozen 2)
Redeemable: Historians will try really hard on this one, but nope, the point is to undo it not redeem it.
Does It Fuck?: Not in any sexy ways.
