So, my stepson has a girl upstairs in his room that stayed the night and my wife doesn't know yet. I'm curious on how he plans to smuggle her out now that the whole family is awake...

...and now we wait.
People asking for updates: she's still here, the wife has gone into full Saturday house cleaning mode. Still hasn't noticed the cute white shoes by the door. This could be his chance while she's distracted. 🤷🏻‍♂️
No one in this house would have all white shoes...
A note on the shoe thing.. there is a side door attached to the kitchen literally right at the bottom of the stairs. But... Those damn shoes are on the opposite side of the house.
11:00am central standard time... My wife (amazing wife) cleaning so hard core she doesn't even notice me standing behind her to take this pic... Music cranked all the way. Now's the chance.. will he see the opportunity??
I see all ya comments about help the kid out... He's a 18yo grown ass man. We live and die by our choices 🤷🏻‍♂️
And the wife is done in the bathroom and has moved onto the kitchen... The kitchen is at the bottom of the stairs! Ooof
So who we rooting for??
I think they might be waiting it out. The wife usually lays down and reads after lunch, especially after cleaning her ass off all morning. Could he be waiting for that?? Can she hold her pee another hour or so?? I have no idea what they thinking up there 🤷🏻‍♂️
I'm afraid this thread isn't going to live up to the hype. You know, like a Ben Affleck Miramax movie 🤷🏻‍♂️ I'm waiting just like the rest of you
OMG OMG OHHHH MY GAWDDDDDDD. SHE CAME DOWN TO USE THE BATHROOM! IT'S ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS! See... Mom might believe it's just a friendly sleepover, she was lucky enough to sleep through the fuck fest above our heads at 4am.
I don't even know if the wife saw her come downstairs to use the bathroom. She's said nothing and it's not like I can ask... Yet
Omg this kid!! NONCHALANT AF he casually strolls downstairs... AND grabbed those shoes and went back upstairs. Side eyeing me the whole way past. I shot him a little wink 😉. They gonna hit that side door. bet.
Well that's a wrap folks! Mama just went to the bedroom to lay down and read for a bit. He's got a good 2-3 hour window... Looks like young love finds a way, for now! 💏
And closure... Sure enough, hit the side door and they gone. I don't know about you but need a drink after that suspense. Thanks for following along! That was amazing.
So this is where everyone else drops their SoundCloud or GoFundMe links but I don't have either of those so fuck it, let's try this... Drop YOUR links in reply to this update. If you get famous one day I'd like tickets to the show! So much love guys!! Thank you!!! 👊💚💨😘😍
For all you haters commenting about why I'm not helping with the house cleaning...

First of all, fuck you. You don't know my life.🖕

And secondly, I make the bomb ass sandwiches around here, that's why! 😂
Honestly people! The thousands of messages I'm getting for the conclusion is crazy-ass overwhelming! And sadly it's not as entertaining as the thread was. So... Let's see who's still interested in this thing. Retweet this and I'll post a few funny insights after the fact.
Factoid: mom knew she was spending the night. As they were close friends practically their whole lives of course they would never be physical like that. Mom was actually worried I was going to notice and be upset since there is a pretty clear no sleepover rule.
What mom didn't know, until reading the thread later, was about the "fuck fest above our heads at 4am". That was a fun treat for her to find out after half Twitter already knew. 🤷🏻‍♂️😂🤦🏻‍♂️
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