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A lunatic once believed he was a grain of seed.
He's finally cured of his beliefs & is released but he comes back because he's afraid that a chicken will eat him.
The psychiatrist says: Wait we cured you. You know you're not a grain
He replies: I know. But does the chicken know?
He's finally cured of his beliefs & is released but he comes back because he's afraid that a chicken will eat him.
The psychiatrist says: Wait we cured you. You know you're not a grain
He replies: I know. But does the chicken know?
Niels Bohr, the famous physicist, hangs horseshoes in front of his house.
This is a superstition to supposedly ward off evil.
His friend says: You're a scientist. You shouldn't be superstitious
Niels replies: I don't believe in it. But I was told it works whether I believe or not
This is a superstition to supposedly ward off evil.
His friend says: You're a scientist. You shouldn't be superstitious
Niels replies: I don't believe in it. But I was told it works whether I believe or not
There was once an Christian who no longer believed in god and so became an atheist.
He continued to go to church every Sunday.
His friend asks him: you don't believe in god, so why attend mass?
He replies: I don't believe god exists. But I don't want to go to hell
He continued to go to church every Sunday.
His friend asks him: you don't believe in god, so why attend mass?
He replies: I don't believe god exists. But I don't want to go to hell
A homophobic dude becomes close friends with his gay pal.
The straight dude learns to stop hating gays.
He fathers a son whom he later discovers to be gay & disowns him
His friend says: but you're not homophobic anymore
He replies: I don't hate gays but I can't accept a gay son
The straight dude learns to stop hating gays.
He fathers a son whom he later discovers to be gay & disowns him
His friend says: but you're not homophobic anymore
He replies: I don't hate gays but I can't accept a gay son
A cleric proclaims: we are all equal in the eyes of god.
But his sermons justify income inequality.
Someone asks: But wait, I thought you said we are all equal?
He replies: We are of course equal but inequalities are god's way of loving us in unseen ways so we should be grateful.
But his sermons justify income inequality.
Someone asks: But wait, I thought you said we are all equal?
He replies: We are of course equal but inequalities are god's way of loving us in unseen ways so we should be grateful.
"I don't care what other people think"
*worries desperately about eyeliner, constantly checks the viewer count on Snapchat, cultivates the perfect image etc.*
You said you didn't care?
I don't care what others think but I care what I think other people's perceptions of me are.
*worries desperately about eyeliner, constantly checks the viewer count on Snapchat, cultivates the perfect image etc.*
You said you didn't care?
I don't care what others think but I care what I think other people's perceptions of me are.
A "woke" dude says: Transwomen are women
Goes out to a bar, flirts with a hot babe & takes her home. They undress and he screams at the sight of her penis.
She says: you said transwomen are women
He replies: yes transwomen are women but I'm not gay and traps are gay
Goes out to a bar, flirts with a hot babe & takes her home. They undress and he screams at the sight of her penis.
She says: you said transwomen are women
He replies: yes transwomen are women but I'm not gay and traps are gay
https://twitter.com/heliosdraws/status/1085401734195937281?s=19
A teenager believes that "We should embrace our cultural roots"
*is embarrassed of culture of the parents because it's deemed superstitious & backward*
I thought you wanted to be proud of your roots?
The reply: I am proud but not of my parent's culture
A teenager believes that "We should embrace our cultural roots"
*is embarrassed of culture of the parents because it's deemed superstitious & backward*
I thought you wanted to be proud of your roots?
The reply: I am proud but not of my parent's culture
A "woke" father says to daughter: We mustn't slut-shame
His d'gter brings home a boy. Shocked, he reminds her that she'll be worth less if she loses her purity, don't you love god, family honor etc.
She says: You said no slutshaming!
His reply: Yes but your "purity" is your worth
His d'gter brings home a boy. Shocked, he reminds her that she'll be worth less if she loses her purity, don't you love god, family honor etc.
She says: You said no slutshaming!
His reply: Yes but your "purity" is your worth
A Christian says: Faith is not about religion or loyalty to church doctrine. Faith is about your trust in Jesus.
A Hindu replies: I believe in Jesus.
Yes but you must also abandon your fealty to Shiva.
But you said faith is not about loyalty?
No, but my religion is.
A Hindu replies: I believe in Jesus.
Yes but you must also abandon your fealty to Shiva.
But you said faith is not about loyalty?
No, but my religion is.
A teacher claims to teach her students to be critical & open minded. Especially about conflict between faith & science.
R. Dawkins points out a conflict between the Theory of Evolution & their beliefs.
"Oh but Evolution is ONLY a Theory"
"Yes, a Scientific Theory"
"Not to us"
R. Dawkins points out a conflict between the Theory of Evolution & their beliefs.
"Oh but Evolution is ONLY a Theory"
"Yes, a Scientific Theory"
"Not to us"
They know that their idea of Freedom is masking a particular form of exploitation, but they still continue to follow this idea of Freedom.
"Being gay is bad"
*Watches Yaoi (homoerotic anime)*
"I like watching Yaoi, but LGBT is against our culture" https://twitter.com/uglyluhan/status/1106154615110688769
*Watches Yaoi (homoerotic anime)*
"I like watching Yaoi, but LGBT is against our culture" https://twitter.com/uglyluhan/status/1106154615110688769
A muslim says that bomoh is khurafat, claiming such superstitions are not real
He did not believe in bomoh but he feared their magic
His friend asks him: you don't believe, so why fear bomoh?
He replies: I don't believe in bomoh, but their magic works whether I believe or not
He did not believe in bomoh but he feared their magic
His friend asks him: you don't believe, so why fear bomoh?
He replies: I don't believe in bomoh, but their magic works whether I believe or not
A mualaf claims that there is no fear in the True Religion and all other beliefs are false & have no power
A bomoh mutters a curse. The next day a tsunami appears
They arrest the bomoh, blaming her for the tsunami
She cries: But you said u believe I'm false & have no power?
A bomoh mutters a curse. The next day a tsunami appears
They arrest the bomoh, blaming her for the tsunami
She cries: But you said u believe I'm false & have no power?
*ISIS kills gays*
"I believe ISIS killings are not islamic for in the Quran verse 5:32 (etc. . .)"
"What about the Sultan of Brunei legislating stoning of gays?"
"Verse 5:32 tells us not to kill, BUT Sultan of Brunei is Islamic and upholding sharia" https://twitter.com/uglyluhan/status/1114055857791066112
"I believe ISIS killings are not islamic for in the Quran verse 5:32 (etc. . .)"
"What about the Sultan of Brunei legislating stoning of gays?"
"Verse 5:32 tells us not to kill, BUT Sultan of Brunei is Islamic and upholding sharia" https://twitter.com/uglyluhan/status/1114055857791066112
STEM scientist: I believe psychology is not a REAL science
*provides empirically verifiable psychological theory*
STEM scientist: Well that's just your cognitive bias
"Isn't cognitive bias not scientific because it's psychology?"
It's scientific but psychology isn't a science
*provides empirically verifiable psychological theory*
STEM scientist: Well that's just your cognitive bias
"Isn't cognitive bias not scientific because it's psychology?"
It's scientific but psychology isn't a science
Moivre: The bell curve is evidence of "Divine Design"
Atheist: There is no such thing as "Divine Design."
Moivre: Then explain these phenomena/patterns that perfectly obey these Laws of God
Atheist: These are not Laws of God, these are Laws of Nature https://twitter.com/SurenVynn/status/1120066869996683264?s=19
Atheist: There is no such thing as "Divine Design."
Moivre: Then explain these phenomena/patterns that perfectly obey these Laws of God
Atheist: These are not Laws of God, these are Laws of Nature https://twitter.com/SurenVynn/status/1120066869996683264?s=19
"Science is purely descriptive NOT prescriptive/normative. Facts NOT values."
Some men (trans-men) can get pregnant.
"Well biOLoGy says that shouldn't happen"
I thought you said science is not prescriptive?
Some men (trans-men) can get pregnant.
"Well biOLoGy says that shouldn't happen"
I thought you said science is not prescriptive?
A Christian claims to believe in the Incarnation: I have received the Salvation, rejoice in the Gospel!
But his actions do not reflect this. He acts as though he lacks Grace.
Best summarized in: Pray as if everything depended on God but work as if everything depends on you
But his actions do not reflect this. He acts as though he lacks Grace.
Best summarized in: Pray as if everything depended on God but work as if everything depends on you
(1/2) A socialite desires the latest fashion trends and the most expensive delicacies. She seeks help from her therapist to overcome her desires. She's cured and no longer thinks expensive fashion and expensive delicacies are important.
(2/2) A week later, her therapist finds the socialite lavishing in the lifestyle she claims to be free from.
"I thought you no longer desired such superficial luxuries?"
"I, of course do not require such extravagances. But how else shall I entertain my friends?"
"I thought you no longer desired such superficial luxuries?"
"I, of course do not require such extravagances. But how else shall I entertain my friends?"
A Sovereign Citizen claims to renunciate his US citizenship, thereby forgoing his obligation to pay taxes.
He continues to receive and redeem government checks as well as other forms of federal financial aid. In short: money that's provided through taxes taken from other people.
He continues to receive and redeem government checks as well as other forms of federal financial aid. In short: money that's provided through taxes taken from other people.
"We are all created equal before the Almighty who is fair & just"
"But, we must remember our place in this world, our ranking in society, our privileges that are sanctioned by Allah. Economic inequality must exist otherwise who else is going to be poor?"
https://twitter.com/adawiyahzahar/status/1144252778526777344?s=19
"But, we must remember our place in this world, our ranking in society, our privileges that are sanctioned by Allah. Economic inequality must exist otherwise who else is going to be poor?"
https://twitter.com/adawiyahzahar/status/1144252778526777344?s=19
An ostensibly pious man says that if God has bestowed "rezeki" (good fortune) upon you, then you should use it to help the poor for this is "wajib" (compulsory)
But for tax purposes:
But for tax purposes:
A savvy socialite claims to be immune to lifestyle advertisements for a beer brand.
The next day, she buys a crate full of the beer.
"I thought you said you don't buy into the lifestyle advertisements of that beer?"
"Of course I don't believe it. But what if my friends do?"
The next day, she buys a crate full of the beer.
"I thought you said you don't buy into the lifestyle advertisements of that beer?"
"Of course I don't believe it. But what if my friends do?"
A Catholic claims to profess belief in the Trinity
Muslim Atheist: The Trinity makes no sense because no one understands it
The Catholic: The trinitarian God is like water, ice & steam being of one substance
The Catholic did not understand her faith. https://twitter.com/ijitsavy/status/1148175792364331008?s=19
Muslim Atheist: The Trinity makes no sense because no one understands it
The Catholic: The trinitarian God is like water, ice & steam being of one substance
The Catholic did not understand her faith. https://twitter.com/ijitsavy/status/1148175792364331008?s=19
A teenager claims that teenagers should not be advocating for policy. However, she herself advocates for a policy (preventing 18 year olds from voting). https://twitter.com/yinqish/status/1145517649851383809?s=19
(1/2) A Christian renounces self-centeredness and trusts in God, but on the understanding that God loves him and makes the world revolve around him. A Christian claims that God has rewarded his selfless prayers by giving him sexy girls, nice cars & ensuring he has parking space.
(2/2) What a good boy I've been that I should deserve all these blessings from God. In my generosity, I have been so selfless that God took it upon himself to reward my goodness.
(1/2) A Protestant weds a Catholic. The Catholic urges her husband to attend mass with her but he refuses because their churches are not in Full Communion.
(2/2) The Protestant undergoes rebaptism in the High Anglican tradition. The husband can now celebrate Catholic Eucharist if he wants to. He still doesn't follow his wife to her church and behaves as though he is not in Communion.
A bourgeois hippie wants to go green so she buys vegan makeup & metal straws, reduces plastic usage etc.
Her friends come over for dinner and she serves drinks with metal straws.
Her friends ask: What did you do with all your plastic straws?
She says: Oh, I threw them away
Her friends come over for dinner and she serves drinks with metal straws.
Her friends ask: What did you do with all your plastic straws?
She says: Oh, I threw them away
(1/2)
Joan and Donovan were having an argument about the true nature of the wasabi peas.
Joan: They are not peas. They're chickpeas.
Donovan: They're green. Of course they're peas.
Joan: They're green because of the wasabi. Just look at the shape. It's shaped like chickpeas.
Joan and Donovan were having an argument about the true nature of the wasabi peas.
Joan: They are not peas. They're chickpeas.
Donovan: They're green. Of course they're peas.
Joan: They're green because of the wasabi. Just look at the shape. It's shaped like chickpeas.
(2/2)
Donovan: They're shaped like that because of the wasabi. Look, the packet says petits pois. Small peas.
Joan: What?! I don't BELIEVE YOU! Lemme have a look.
*reads the packet*
Joan: Fine. I believe you. But I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
Donovan: They're shaped like that because of the wasabi. Look, the packet says petits pois. Small peas.
Joan: What?! I don't BELIEVE YOU! Lemme have a look.
*reads the packet*
Joan: Fine. I believe you. But I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
An ethnic cleanser warns others against ethnic cleansing https://twitter.com/netanyahu/status/1182268451269857281?s=20
Boss lady doesn't believe men are inferior nurses. She nonetheless knows that others in her community are sexist & so knows that hiring a man as a nurse will result in the community taking their business elsewhere. She refuses to hire a man even if she doesn't believe in sexism.
A Catholic claims to believe in official Catholic doctrine and teaching. When confronted about her true beliefs, she reiterates the subordinationist heresy of Irenaeus, Justin Martyr etc. by implying that Jesus is not God.
https://twitter.com/TijanTijan87/status/1220872825377943553?s=19
https://twitter.com/TijanTijan87/status/1220872825377943553?s=19
A sinner wants to go to heaven. Some of the conditions of entry into heaven are to be pious, convert others, collect pahala (spiritual brownie points) etc.
(1/2)
(1/2)
So the sinner preaches to an unbeliever about heaven in earnest belief about the earnest-ness of his earnesty to earnestly get the unbeliever into heaven because that is what he earnestly believes is earnestly good for the unbeliever (and not himself).
(2/2)
(2/2)
A Liberal supports Hillary because "girl power"
Men: we’re providers
Women: ok so provide
Men: no you gold digging bitch!
Women: ok so provide
Men: no you gold digging bitch!
