Football Twitter is terrible

Golovin: Communist Kaka
Shelvey: Chemotherapy Kroos
Depay: Thursday-night Neymar
Giggs: Snodgrass with good PR
Kante: midfield Mo Farah
Iwobi: IPOB Zidane
Kaka: religious Ross Barkley
Wilshere: Brexit Isco

Torreira: mini Eddie Guerrero, Aki & Pawpaw Busquets, Latino heat Lee Cattermole
Verrati: transgender foul merchant
Herrera: passion merchant
Naby Keita: Guinean Mo Diame
Coutinho: serious looking Matthew Taylor
Fernandinho: samba Capoue
Sokratis Papastathopoulos: Scrabble legend

Messi: La Masia Ben Arfa
Hazard: Belgian Kardashian
Alexis Sanchez: Chilean Bolasie
Neymar: Brazilian Zaha
Lukaku: Belgian Mark Henry
Vardy: Brexit R9
Sean Dyche: bronchitis Simeone
Salah: ISIS Gervinho
Mourinho: exotic Tony Pulis
Bakayoko: dandruff Elneny

Elneny: ISIS Pirlo, jihadi Jorginho
Scholes: albino Joe Allen
Vinicius Jr. - Tejuosho Neymar
Chris Houghton: malnourished Obama
Ndidi: Biafran Vidal
Morata: Latin Welbeck
Burnley: Brexit XI
Renato Sanches: Rastafarian Freddy Adu
Pogba: dabbing Mulumbu, dabbing Sissoko

Mooy: radioactive Riquelme, midfield Voldemort
Zlatan: Swedish Andy Carroll
Ahmed Musa: Boko Haram Bale
Ronaldo: test-tube Hercules, Madeira Harvey Weinstein
Aubameyang: offside Phyno
Alisson: acne Almunia, Favela Fabianski
Martial: depressed Mbappe

Lukaku: Bilingual Altidore
Rabiot: Schneiderlin with clout
Morata: Symbian Torres, Windows XP Raul
Griezmann: Antoine Bandersnatch
Rashford: Mancunian Walcott
Ghezzal: poor man's Mahrez, poverty Robben
Salah: Arab Lennon

Willian: austerity Lozano
Shelvey: Mark Chernobyl
Torreira: Android Kante, Birdbox Medel
Bellerin: metrosexual Janmaat
Deeney: Peckham Drake
Jorginho: dual-citizen Cleverley
Aubameyang: slim-fit Yakubu
Danny Rose: 13 Reasons Roberto Carlos
Son: K-Pop Cristiano

Mahrez: Al-Qaeda Neymar
Van Dijk: Dutch Rick James
Ki Sung-yueng: manga Modric
Leno: Nazi Al-Habsi
Modric: Ratatouille Xavi
Pele: lowcut Victor Moses
Dele Alli: pornographic Muller
Fred: Brazilian Bakayoko

Gerrard: Merseyside Illaramendi
Aubameyang: no hairline Sonic the Hedgehog
Hazard: HDMI Djemba-Djemba
Pulisic: active shooter Markovic

Pulisic: NRA Neymar, MAGA Mhkitaryan
Alonso: homicide Taye Taiwo
Ospina: Narcos Van Der Sar
Ibrahimovic: Swedish Bendtner