1) If you're looking back at 2018 today and feeling bad about the things you failed at, the things that didn't go as well as you'd hoped they would, at the ways in which you let yourself, your dreams, your ideals down, know this: you are not alone. And you are not defeated.

2) There's a lot I don't know. A lot of answers I don't have. But one thing I am sure of: the smallest, consistent steps lead us forward. And if you take a few steps backward, take a few more forward. And then a few more.

3) Every artist I know has felt lost, beaten, let down by the business or themselves or both at the same time. Every one has considered they might not be up to it, might not be good enough, smart enough, deep enough, tough enough.

4) 5 years ago, that was me. But I spent December in New York, at home, and at my office, alone, and I wrote a little bit each morning. And then a little more. And then I'd send it to Dave to work on at night. I remember walking through Central Park in the freezing cold.

5) From my apartment to the office. And that each physical step felt like hope. If I made it across, that meant I had gotten myself out of bed, that meant I was trying, that meant I hadn't yet been counted out.

6) I couldn't have known then that the thing we were working on (the Billions pilot script) would change my entire life. But I swear to you I did know, each time I flipped on the office lights, that small victories mattered, that small steps forward erased the backward steps.

7) That fall was the closest I had ever come to accepting defeat, to accepting my best days were behind me, to admitting that I might never get past the failures of the previous year. But something in me knew I had to press on.

8) This is also when I started my podcast. So I could ask other artists how they stared down defeat, how they kept going when everyone told them they were done, crazy, not special. To a person, they said they just decided that the only thing they could control was effort.

9) I decided to believe them. As you should believe me. Small steps. Consistent effort. Yes, the deck is stacked against you. Yes, they will think you are crazy. Yes, it's harder to get a fair shake if you are a woman or person of color. But all you can control is effort.

10) I wish I could communicate to you how sad I was in the fall of 2013. How lost I felt. And how angry I was at myself for feeling that way--I had a loving family, I had enough money that I didn't have to take a day job, I had already made many movies--but still, I did.

11) I can't promise you that your results will be the same as mine. But I can promise this: I started feeling better while I was doing the work, not when the results came in. Long before Showtime bought the pilot, I had re-found my groove. You can, too. I just know it. Happy 2019