Okay, let's talk.

Around 9 days ago, I had one of the worst mental health days of my life, probably the worst, and it has persisted until now getting only marginally better. I finally confronted something I've been dealing with for probably years - I am stunningly lonely.

It is difficult to put into words the kind of despair that has triggered, and mixed with I think some dodgy anti-anxiety meds, my lack of proper bed, the fact I can't sleep without earplugs and can't sleep well with them, it has really fucked me up.

Some hours of some days, everything is fine. Sometimes, I just start crying. Talking to people helps, and a couple of folks - they know who they are - have helped more than I think they could ever know. Going to bed feels good. Waking up feels terrible.

I threw up a couple of days ago for no reason. I've got zero appetite. I live in a country where I don't speak the language (I am trying to learn, I am bad at it). The friends I have here do not click in the same way as they have in the past.

Every day I struggle to have a basic conversation or buy some bread. This has redoubled the feelings of loneliness which, like I said, I've probably been handling in the background for several years.

A year ago, none of this was an issue. No anxiety, little depression, no need for meds, I could stay up late and exist on little sleep. Everything has changed in 12 months. I don't know what the solution is. I'm not suicidal, but I do hate it.

I am going to push into 2019. There's a few things I am going to try. I am going to need to find some people to hug, and talk to, and sit silently with contemplating, or I am going to lose my mind. I may need to move back to the UK, or take a sabbatical, or get therapy.

(the very idea of getting therapy in a country where I can barely talk to even people who have very good English makes me laugh so hollowly you'd think I'd have summoned The Worm from Stellaris)

If I tweet more, this is probably why. If the jokes stop, this is probably why. If I reach out to you, and it seems weird, this is probably why - and that is by no means a reason you have to accept it, you are not my therapy, but at least now you know.

The ultimate kicker is the trigger for all this was @christinelove's Ladykiller in a Bind. As I have put it to @Hoeyboey several times since, "Ladykiller in a fucking Bind, are you serious? That's what gives me a mental breakdown?"

It has made me laugh a lot. So thanks Christine

Thanks for reading.

(and play more VNs, especially the sexy ones)

The replies to this have been a pleasure to read all day. So much support. I can't thank you enough.

Please remember that speaking out about this stuff can be very hard to people. I was very good at hiding it, so this is not an indictment, but reach out when and if you can.

Something important about a thread like this, for me, is introspection in the cold light of the next day. A Twitter thread has not solved all my problems, but it has helped immensely. A bunch of DMs and @ messages don't immediately fix loneliness, but they build towards something

I am most happy about the people with similar issues, or facing other challenges - and while they'd never say it, often far more serious than mine - using it as a way to talk about it, or talk about how they dealt with it in the past.

As a great man once said, we shall win through. No matter the cost.

Right then, 2019.

I felt like a human being for the ENTIRE DAY imagine that

Day two, bad sleep, good brain. I believe in you!

Two lessons from this thread:
- Nobody will Google what you put after "as a great man once said" to check if you're quoting a StarCraft cinematic
- You CAN make a tweet using the word 'Stellaris' that the Stellaris Twitter account won't reply to, but it has to be pretty specific

One person has said they did not want to call me out about the StarCraft thing. Y’gotta know, some stuff is done FOR the call out, yeah?

Anyway, have a Friday mood

Said I’d regret it, my eyes are tired, but we’re awake. Make it to the end of today and you got 48 hours of Dragon Quest 11. Sounds pretty good to me!

It is so very, very easy to forget the people we have known for years, who will always be willing to have a late night conversation where, yes, there are no solutions, but the act itself feels like relief. Remember your friends, because they remember you.

Sometimes they may need to save your life, and they will, but what they do the rest of the time, and how you treat them - that is so valuable it should be respected alongside gold, diamonds, and the Advance Wars license.

I tried to run the tables by adding an Advance Wars quote here but I can't find one that's good so instead, have this, from the start of AW2:

"Really? Continents?"

For a thousand reasons, weekends are harder. Work is a great distraction, and you aren’t allowed to put it down to take a nap. But we soldier on.

Somehow, there will be another day tomorrow.

I did say

Life is, fundamentally, unfair. It’s the message of every piece of fiction, every villain, and any for social justice. Even if society wasn’t weighted (yes, often in my favour), there is no balance team for the chemistry of your brain. You will like and hate and love at random.

You will be in your finest moment ever and miserable, or deliriously happy at rock bottom. You can’t control it, and not in that good 5 bars X-Factor way. Learning to roll with it is the challenge, and it changes every day. Thankfully, there’s the rest of your life to get it.

For me, it’s why I keep going. Same reason I’ll explore every inch of an island in a JRPG for another treasure chest, I need to see what happens next. It’s too much to hope for a satisfying ending, but maybe your stats get better, your bank grows, your heart swells.

Roll high. It’s all you can do.

Every last one of you fuckers is going to mute me before the year is out.

See, I do go outside

Obscenely tired today, and that’s probably my biggest trigger. Some days you let it get you. Some days you can get more sleep. Some days you ignore it with willpower, or happiness, or distractions.

Today, I’m just going to get mad

Fuck my brain. Fuck depression. Fuck the cruel, meaningless depravity of the world, the heartache and the virus. Get up. Get mad. Eventually, get back to bed. Good morning.

I made it through the day. Rage helped this time. It may not help tomorrow, and it may not help for you. Use every tool you have, it's the only option to get through this stuff. We wake up better.

TRAMS

good morning

Felt pretty bad about this thread today (had a mostly good day, tad of depression in the middle). It’s a very silly thing, and it’s done for the attention, broadly, and the amateur poetry-psychology is embarrassing.

But it helps, and so it continues. Better than not, by a ways.

I also know it has helped others, and it certainly helped me with all the DMs and messages I got afterwards. That’s worth a little embarrassment, something I think I desperately need to worry about less if I’m going to form the bonds I want to with other humans.

Not sure why everyone keeps talking about their gains from lifts, mostly I just relax in here

Weird week. 24 hours to go, then we face the weekend, as heroes.

Mods are asleep, post cute selfies

Melancholy post-videogame feels. I hope your weekends are going well. Mine is better than last week, but still could be improved.

Self care is extremely important

Essentially https://twitter.com/botequippedwith/status/1084472656735465472?s=21

It’s getting a little easier to cope each day. That doesn’t mean each day is better than the last, but when it’s bad it doesn’t reach quite such an abyss. Dark thoughts continue, new ones pop up, but they don’t have to get a grasp.

You deal with worse shit day by day, be it growing responsibilities or yawning problems, but each prepares for the next. Knocked down, get back up, roll high. It’s all you can do.

I am tired, but it’s all I can do.

Thinking about being the OP to a horror anime

2019/2019

I (probably) won't do a selfie today (I probably will) but look how fukken cute I was on the stream last night tbh https://www.twitch.tv/videos/364377111?t=07m17s

REALLY CUTE THAT'S HOW CUTE

Reminder I was cute.

Rather than another 15 tweets about tonight’s depression and the solution (heavy, there isn’t one), here’s something about Twitter I wish someone had told me five+ years ago.

The number of people on here who are actually giving you their honest opinion about everything is STUNNINGLY lower than you might believe, particularly if this is your only real interaction with them.

For example, take me. 12 months ago I wasn’t comfortable saying what I thought about various websites, youtubers, and so on, who would be considered my colleagues.

Now that’s still true, but I also have no interest in publicly shit talking devs or publishers either.

And this is from a guy with a massive tweet thread about his stupid fucking brain and it’s atrempts to sabotage him. The scrutiny on tweets is simply too high for it to be worth saying everything you feel, nevermind NDAs, contracts, or other.

I expect plenty of people - especially those in the industry who live in London, LA, SF, or other hubs their whole careers - are wondering how this can possibly be news to anyone.

For a subset of gamers, Twitter is the connection to the real industry, particularly years back.

They - indeed, we - assumed that this was the main line of communication because for us it was. These were the conversations they mattered. That is sadly, simply, not the case.

Nevermind the legions who barely use the thing, or don’t have an account at all, the anon and private accounts where people post their real thoughts - many simply can’t afford it. It is not a way to truly gauge just about anything.

That said, you can believe ZeroRanger is good. The only objective truth I’ve ever uttered.

Some days you wake up and know this one, this one is gonna be a pain in the ass. Today, an introspective hot shower (they’re all that way when I’m in them ) helped. Good luck.

Sometimes, being asked if you’re alright is all it takes to lighten the load, even if you’re fine. Remember that for yourself, but others too.

T R A M

One week and I head to Glasgow for a holiday I’ve never needed more. You’ll get to meet my friends, too. Just a weekend to get through... and a game launch... and a Friday...

Calling a therapist Monday. I asked the doc for a recommendation just in case, I think I will see if it can help. Never be afraid to ask, or be honest with at least yourself. That’s the goal here.

Speaking of honest with myself, that selfie earlier was shit. This one isn’t better, but I prefer it.

Up too late, but had some much needed friendship time. We’ll win through.

Local man does laundry, owns only one comfortable coat.

Pretty easy Saturday. Think I'm going to spend Sunday catching up on a lot of TV, haven't really watched anything since I moved. My brain still isn't obeying me, but it's easier to distract. Writing about ZeroRanger has made me realise how much it helped too.

It's even more like a shitty line from a movie than the rest of this hell-thread, but hope is insanely important, especially to me. It's the key to anything, ever, getting better, and having the energy to wake up. Find something - games, books - that gives you hope, and hang on.

Me facing the trials of every day life

Captain bird is the only guy on the far right you should be emulating in 2019

The ace thing about depression - that is what this is, by the way, never trick yourself - is Sunday evenings are no longer especially worse than any other evening. Going back to work is just a thing that happens, rather than an annoying interruption.

I switched my medication to evenings (after checking if that was alright with doc, obv) and I think it is a significant improvement. Interested to see how it goes for a work week.

It would be really nice to not be slightly sad all the time, anyway. Until tomorrow.

Approach Monday like a weird amnesiac robot child

ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF THE SNOW, SHIT WAS CASH

Today's selfie

I actually won two games of League as the THICCEST GIRL ALIVE and am having a fairly good week so far, tbh. I hope all is well for you too.

Idk how to feel about this thread, which feels it’s running its course. There’s more stuff I’d like to be honest and public about, but there’s a line somewhere when it comes to job and livelihood. I’m okay with it being a cute selfie thread, tho. See how far we can run.

It’s also lead to a lot more cool personal talks, RL and otherwise. If you’re one of the people who DM’d or talked to me about it, I can’t thank you enough. Life is tough and we need each other to survive. Peace.

(Don’t feel bad if you didn’t - you have your reasons, and I think they’re valid. I have close personal friends who didn’t have a fucking clue what to say, I don’t expect or request it from anyone)

Me and my accidental two burger wives. Got to the airport massively on time despite stress tho.

Actually a pretty reasonable achievement for me today - I’ve had like 4 hours sleep but not a glimpse of anxiety. I think meds in the evening are helping quite a lot (do not take this as medical advice, for the love of god)

Holiday is going to be good, and I’ll be playing Resi 2

Mood: thicc bleach

Quiet on this thread the last couple of days for good reasons rather than bad, but a couple of hours alone now so considering things. Going back to FR is gonna be a challenge, I really do love ‘living’ with my friends for a few days.

I am disgustingly honest on main, but it’s harder in real life (or voice, when that makes an unsatisfactory but available replacement) to explain what they mean to me. I wish I’d done it earlier, I might be less of a mess.

Anyway, I hope your weekend was good and your week is even better. I’m going to have a bath.

Anime selfie

I do not wish to go home.

I have got home. I am less depressed about it than I was expecting, so let’s see how things go.

Nice convo with my new therapist this morning. Going to have a proper meeting in a couple of weeks. He seems nice. He isn't cheap. This shit should be free, globally, obviously, but such is life.

Ah, the videogame was holding back the depression.

Of course.

A classic.

Anyway, this is my jacket that is now so busted I can’t wear it outside the house, but it’s so comfortable I keep it. In the past I enjoyed wearing it on planes and at hotels because, in combo with a big beard, it made me look like I massively didn’t belong there.

If you've never had the pleasure of forcing people who normally only deal with others above a certain earning threshold to be nice to you, I recommend it WHOLE-HEARTEDLY.

2019 mood

Exactly how Monday mornings became the easiest part of my week I may not ever know, but here we are. Good luck!

Aaaaand guess what? None of this https://twitter.com/chaossmurf/status/1092548274995843078?s=21 foxes this thread

It helps. It’s nice. But it is a long, long road out. I forgot to sort out my therapy appointment today. Some timings changed on something else. I made progress on a bank thing. Steps forward and back.

I’m going to sleep, because that’s a good step at 1am. Good luck tomorrow, I think we all need it.

Hoglife

It’s Wednesday you see

It has rather immediately turned into a Rough One but eating will help.

Assuming me forgetting to take the plastic fork out isn't a huge issue.

:X

Narrator: and so, his fork was slightly warm.

Ladykiller in a Bind https://twitter.com/NESbot_feed/status/1093224494276231168

Only real 2018 kids will get this reference

Can’t wait to experience the marketing for an upcoming videogame I’m excited abo-

The inevitability that, at some stage in the game, she will murder everyone else with an axe, be killed by a bomb, turn out to be an invincible time travel terrorist, or all of the above, is providing some mild comfort

I am watching this on the tram to work, please appreciate my bravery

TONIGHT:

- won a very basic game of Apex Legends
- confirmed EXTREME FRIEND @MimiBlob status by finding they get how good ME3 is
- ranted about KH3 criticism with @Hoeyboey - gonna be a good stream
- felt good, up too late

Having an extremely basic-ass weekend in which I feel unfulfilled and slightly annoyed I’m going back to work tomorrow which is FUCKING great because recently it’s mostly been sitting around waiting to go back to work and hating everything

It’d be nice if better was better instead of just piss in a less worse way, but I’ll take it.

Naps still extremely dangerous, it seems. Like the logical part of my brain is a couple of steps behind the rest. Good to test one’s limits, but slightly frustrating.

Magic is real, we just call it “hot showers”

Have a good Monday!

I had a good fucking day today:
- took this fucking fire selfie seriously can you see this
- did a BUNCH of work moving forward with cool shit (see me in 5 years)
- won a hype-ass game of Apex + 2 seconds
- got ZeroRanger’d while playing ZeroRanger

It doesn’t cure, but it helps

This thread has been quieter as my brain has improved - yes, this is quieter - but I’m dealing with stuff every day, and you are too. We’ll get through it together though. Sleep well!

who called it “tomorrow” instead of “therapy day” (I am seeing a therapist for this first time tomorrow, that is the message of this joke)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have therapy today
Even though I feel totally fine
Which is frustrating
This last bit rhymes

I did a therapy and the man said he thinks I’m fine and should probably get laid so at least we agree. He then said to “report back at some point in my life” and didn’t charge me.

Honestly he’s probably in the top 10 people I’ve ever met.

Some people have been a bit UHHHHH at this because it sounds dismissive but I think it’s a guy doing his job of providing the care and answers tailored to his patients, and in this case I needed someone to say I’m mostly fine.

I wasn’t mostly fine like a month ago, or at Christmas, or even a couple of weeks ago when I came home from a night out and had a nice cry in the dark, then sat on a Discord call with a friend until 4am. But I was mostly fine yesterday, and the past week, and today. Diff days.

Maybe I won’t be okay on Sunday, or in an hour, or next year, or I’ll be fine until the abyss swallows me and I finally receive the sweet embrace of death. Who knows?

Anyway

Tram

Feel like total shit today lol. Real anxiety nonsense. That the trigger seems to be my PC being a bit dodgy is frustrating to say the least. I hope your weekend is going better than mine.

A Boy And His Brain Pills, the new erotic romantic comedy from Movies4Men. Gives whole new meaning to the Hard To Swallow Pills! Debuts tonight at 2am.

2018: mental health thread
2019: softcore self casting parody thread

Holy shit I feel like death. I’m so sick of my fucking nose and I have been for like 20 years at this point. JUST STOP TORTURING ME YOU SHIT.

Anyway, might get a ZeroRanger tattoo.

Very sick but me and my pasta son are happy together

Alarm didn’t go off
Hair looks like shit
Can’t move my head without my shoulder being in unspeakable pain
BUT WE OUT HERE ALIVE

Look at my stupid lumpy face. Look at my stupid late tired lumpy face.

Accidentally took magnum god ray selfie while grimacing for a friend

having a bad fucking day that has nothing to do with anyone reading this tweet and everything to do with having a bad fucking day

Rough day saved at the death. Take your meds, kids, and don’t let them get you.

Pink

Anxiety spiked today at complete random. Only lasted a few seconds (though took me a bit to calm down)

I doubt there was a cause, but we’re still out here fighting. I wish it was easier.

Rough weekend, but it’s done with. I am left with the happiness of how well the Magic community has dealt with pronouns following the fist non-binary (indeed, non-Male) major victory. I listen to a lot of podcasts and all of them nailed it.

It also leaves me with some embarrassment because I know how much I’d fuck that shit up. I am constantly apologising to friends for not getting it right with them, but it isn’t good enough. Something I have the motivation and desire to improve this year.

It is not a small thing, and even if it were, hopefully this thread has made it clear how much the right words at the right time can matter, to everyone.

Anyway, I should go to sleep.

You can do it

I, however, cannot. Sick day.

Fairly sure I am slightly delirious at this point, yikes. Hoping endless sleep will fix.

I would like to live in one building without a marital breakdown happening at stupid-o-clock.

Going to work still not well hooooooooorayyyyyy

Rough one. The hardest part is seeing friends doing stuff you wish you were doing (with them, or others, or simply the concept of whatever it is you cannot do - be happy, social, active, whatever) and controlling their jealousy before it becomes resentment.

Not being happy for people that deserve it - as most people do - is probably my least favourite thing about standard human brain chemistry. As we get older, it gets more clearly important how vital it is to support each other.

That should be “that” jealousy.

Anyway. Just try to be nice to each other. It’s all that really matters.

“You look like you should be in a survival game” starter pack

I actually like this selfie a lot for a not trying at all selfie that isn't directly after a shower.

Shoutouts to this lil’ keeping me right on brain pill usage. Reminders and assurances I’ve taken it in one SEXY package.

Lamp

I'm thankfully dead enough inside that news like today's doesn't really affect me in a personal, depressive way but that shit is fucking rough. A lot of people, direct links to my passions. Letting it ruin what I enjoy or what I do is letting them win but

damn, man. Damn.

"be nicer to each other" really isn't enough, but it's at least something you can do today to keep yourself and maybe a couple of other people happy

anyway

try it

Doctor’s office feels

If I have my way this thread will be quiet until Saturday. While writing this I thought I forgot my meds for the flight but actually I’m a hyper genius and they’re right there. Everything will be fine. Have a good week.

I slept for 14 hours. The past week I felt better and more on it than I have in a year, and was all sorts of sleep deprivated for most of it. Things are looking up.

Suit jackets in the office kind of Tuesday.

Get you a boy who can do both

I’m ‘takeout on a Thursday’ depressed.

I’m ‘it’s Friday morning’ happy and ‘I need a shave’ anxious

This tram is ‘you thought you were gonna make it to work on time’ stopped at the station and I am ‘no cute phrase’ mad about it

Drunk but the metro is still open and there’s a MACD at the other end HERE WE GO LADS

I am still sad sometimes but it’s fine most of the time, well done everyone.

Honestly the most depressing shit I’ve seen in weeks is your fucking top 10 videogame picks you god damn TASTELESS nerds. Have a little spice, once in your lives.

AND you’re god damn cowards. “No particular order” because you’ve barely thought about it, fucking posers.

Tinder bio: Yeah I like Dark Souls, Mass Effect 2, Witcher 3, love to laugh, enjoy having friends, foodie, serial entrepreneur, one of the nice guys, haha weird question but do you do feet pics?

Fukken white breads over here. Just sprinkle something on there, yeah?

Anyway

I’d like to say that in the cold light of day, sober, with a clear head and sound mind, thinking rationally I STAND BY EVERY WORD HERE YOU C O W A R D S

Oh the Simpsons nightmares are back, haven’t had those in a few years. Did you know that exposing kids with rich imagination to hyperviolence and psychedelic imagery through cartoons is not just a funny joke about Itchy and Scratchy but something that did a number on my brain?

Anyway if you ever wanted to see Bart murdered in the most horrific manner possible, do I have the dreams for you!

These are the ones, these are the tweets where people will go “ah, he’s fully mental.” I’ve been having these ones and ones about zombies for more than a decade. They’re extremely weird.

Anyway I know what y’all really here for

A terrible selfie but you can see the dragon, the important part.

The t-shirt was on backwards everyone, have a great day

Minor, minor freakout today, but the worst I’ve had in a little while. Solved by distraction, reassurance, and all the usual stuff. Getting there, I think, but never assume it’s easy.

And boy, do you ever need those friends. The first few tweets of this thread ring true.

The pitfall for a lot of people is their first friends are their family, who they don’t pick and often suck, and then small children, who always suck, and then teenagers, who are unreliable. You go through 18 years of bullshit before you have a hope of sparking the right thing.

Thankfully university and/or clubs exist so there’s plenty of opportunity, but Jesus its a hard lesson to learn and difficult to deinternalise whatever madness those first three groups inflicted.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow.

A gamer goes to the airport

Anyway I’m off to Glasgow for a week. Pass the pad on the latest FromSoft, Wrestlemania, NXT, RAW, see my mother, SD, more ninja shit - GREGGS - it’s gonna be mint.

Ever get that feeling your flight’s overbooked

A gamer goes to Scotland

Having a good week

Back to France. No I don’t want to go home to my shitty little flat and my job that doesn’t involve lying on the couch playing videogames for 18 hours a day, but such is life. At least I got this smol gift

I’m broadly fine, but whenever I come back and everything is just identical to how I left it, in every room, I’m not a fan of that. Nobody and nothing to say hello to, to give a passing courtesy about how my flight or trip was, just a few walls. Sometimes peaceful, often lonely.

Over the last going on 3 years now going back to Glasgow for a week of the old times has kept me what I would define as sane. I ignore everything else and focus for a while on whatever it is. I love it, but coming back used to be less painful.

Anyway.

Still a use for this thread after all.

Back to wooooork tomorrowwwwwww etc!!!!

I miss it so it’s good.

Public transport no headphones shot, a mythic ultra rare Ben variant.

found my prescription I thought I'd lost lad(ie)sssssssssssssssss

Happy Friday

Underdesigned anime protagonist 2019

When the Season 2 art budget comes in

I have been bought a body pillow by @Hoeyboey and will not be answering questions at this time

An excellent weekend seeing some good friends that I’ll endeavour to see more of. Back to work tomorrow.

Posting every item I own isn't a sign of being about to end it all, but it was because I was cleaning away a depressive episode. I'm expecting a big ol' relapse for my birthday, a lovely gift from Bad Brain. Love that dude.

I'm sure I'll be broadly fine, but bare with me for a couple of weeks while I figure some shit out.

Also if you want to know what I Really Think I have a private account @antidebenants and actually have found the password. You'll know if you should follow it, and don't feel bad if I turn you down. Also, if I work with you, yeah, no. Sorry.

xoxoxo

Still really like this jacket, haven’t worn it in a while. Build quality is ass but it feels lovely.

Fuck me this is a bad selfie, please only look at it from the neck down.

My new shower gel is the exact shade of purple-black tar that turns everyone sexually promiscuous in an ill-advised mid-season episode of every post-Buffy TV show and it is the best thing I’ve ever rubbed on my body

Bought a bed but they’ve sent me a batleth or something idk

You have 30 minutes to solve my ass slap puzzle

I am very good at losing the Alan Key

FMAB theme came on from autoplay while building. Utter banger.

Eh, good enough, amirite ladiiiiiiiiii

Hmm. Did I forget something?

I looks so comfy (I forgot to buy sheets)

The actual state of my room post-bed

It is... my birthday.

Let's talk?

Weird one, as you might expect. But I think things are better now than they were a year ago despite me being on one (1) more drug and having had x (ex) more depressive episodes, because at least I like... get it now.

I really don't like how pathetic it makes me feel sometimes, or how pathetic I feel for talking about how pathetic it makes me feel. There are days where I think extremely hard about the cadency of the messages I'm sending to friends because I 'don't want to seem desparate'

And then other days where I assume they simply do not want to hear from me, because they heard from me recently.

That's like, incredibly stupid. An incredibly stupid way to think. These are people I've literally _checked with_ if I can annoy them when my brain's on the fritz.

But that's my life now! For 27 years I was the guy who was always smiling, confident, happy alone or not, social, easy. Now I'm that like when I can be bothered, and just this horrendous wreck a lot of the rest of the time.

And it turns out that's well everyone so.

Some days I'm also like "maybe there's a reason I'm sad some of the time and a lot of my cool friends are enby/trans and also my body feels weird to me sometimes" but I think that's just looking for an easy solution to the complex problem of Bad Brain.

Also I'm, like, so male.

Anyway, I almost think it's easier for people who are not like the standard to handle problems like this - for two reasons: more accepting and accessible communities of like-minded individuals, and putting up with the nightmare hell of their realities preps them for it.

(I am still, incidentally, so mad about the state of trans healthcare in the UK and if you wanna do something nice for my birthday donate to Mermaids please: https://mydonate.bt.com/charities/mermaidsuk)

So, 28. Toot toot. It'd be nice to not be quite so alone by the end of this year, but if at the very least my 29th night out isn't literally just a KFC and then home to tweet that'd be good. Good song:

And, er, Stellaris, I guess.

Oh my god that’s what a bed that’s actually the right size and comfortable feels like, I remember now

There’s so much space, there’s so much space in my bed, someone please come lie in my massive bed with me, Hannah still didn’t buy me that body pillow

The Mitchell and Webb massive yaucht sketch but it’s me talking about my bed

It is no longer my birthday in any reasonable timezone so you can stop constantly thinking about me

Can’t decide which item in this image was the better purchase

I’m being laughed at