I have an hour and a half before I have to go to work so BUCKLE UP KIDS, I'm about to do a thread of fuckable Metal Gear characters (in no particular order), from the perspective of someone that has never in their life played a Metal Gear game.

Solid Snake
Might as well start with the obvious. Dude rocks a mullet somehow, has a great ass, sometimes wears an eye patch, and murders dudes without flinching probably. What's not to like?

Revolver Ocelot
Does cool gun tricks, wears a beret sometimes, other times looks like some kinda dumbass cowboy. Probably a super good marksman? At least he'd better be with a shtick like "fancy gun guy."

Liquid Snake
Doesn't wear a shirt, pissed about being a clone, wants to overcome the idea that his destiny is written in his DNA. Looks like of like Dio? I'd be angry too if I was Solid Snake's twin and couldn't rock a mullet.

Otacon
Hot scientist/professor vibes, love a dude in glasses. He seems soft. Probably a good friend but a complete idiot when it comes to people.

Psycho Mantis
GAS MASK BONDAGE WEIRDO WITH PSYCHIC POWERS. HONESTLY.

Raiden
Child soldier turned sexy cyborg?? A good boy AND a sexy robot boy, in one?? Yes, please and thank you.

Vamp
Mr. Vampire McThrowsKnives, out here drinking blood and shit, looking like a V:tM LARPer got lost on the set of Combichrist music video, and I'm into it

Kazuhira Miller
All I know about Kaz is that I was once told that we have "the same energy"

That's it, that's the thread. I hope you liked it.