The following thread is kind of inside baseball terminology-wise as far as LGBTQ Christian discussion, so for outside people looking in, a definition of terms is in order.

Side A: Believes LGBTQ people and relationships are fully affirmed by God

Side B: Believes LGBTQ people exist but are called to celibacy

Side X: Believes LGBTQ people can and should change--supports ex-gay conversion therapy because no one's born gay

It was asserted to me that my claim that unaffirming churches and Christian institutions are using Side B queer people to sell the idea that their anti-LGBT stance isn't bigoted isn't really true, that orgs don't actually do that.

The reason I say that unaffirming Christian groups are using Side B queer people to put a pretty face on bigotry isn't just me speaking in hypotheticals, it's something I've experienced and had weaponized in my direction. It's what prompted this 2013 rant.
http://kathrynbrightbill.com/2013/04/07/stop-telling-us-to-read-wesley-hill-and-other/

Story time. Several years ago, a friend and I started a dialogue with our alma mater about their policies towards LGBTQ students. It quickly became clear that what they were actually looking for was Side B "good queers" who would give our approval to their planned Side B policies

They've since defended the finished policy to me, which doesn't kick students out for being LGBTQ, but does ban the kind of chaste dating relationships straight students are permitted, by name dropping Side B alumni who approve.

When I say that Christian groups are embracing Side B to sell the idea that they're not bigots, it's something I've personally experienced with my alma mater embracing Side B while simultaneously filing for Title IX exemptions to legally discriminate.

I've had those Title IX exemptions sold to me by school officials as not being discriminatory because the school allows LGBTQ students to come out, they just believe that they need to remain committed to celibacy.

Even five years ago, trying to push churches towards Side B was a reasonable harm reduction strategy because the status quo at the time was conversion therapy. When the alternative is churches forcing people to try and pray away the gay, Side B was a big step away from torture.

The reality is that conversion therapy has such a bad rap now that they're moving towards Side B and they're using prominent Side B queer Christians as their support for why that's a totally loving position that's not at all rejecting the queer people in their midst.

I say this because it's what I've personally experienced. With the exception of a church bringing in someone from Harvest USA as a Sunday school speaker, I don't have personal experience with conversion therapy. I have a lot of experience with people pushing celibacy and Side B.

I'm not going to tell a Side B queer person that they have to be Side A or they're not welcome in queer spaces. Side B queer people deserve support and it's their life so I don't think it's my place to tell them that Side B isn't what they need at that particular time.

That said, I don't believe that any church should be Side B except as a stopgap measure to keep them from forcing queer kids in their congregations off to be tortured in ex-gay therapy. Straight Side B people is a fancy name for unaccepting homophobe.

Churches that take a Side B stance are churches where Side B people know that if they ever change their theology and end up in a relationship, they're going to eventually be forced to choose between the person they love and their church family. It's an inherently abusive stance.

My frustration is that when ppl like me talk about our very real experience of having Side B queer people shoved in our faces by unaffirming cishet Christians who honestly are convinced they're not bigoted b/c they think the same as Side B queer person, it's constantly downplayed

I mean, I've had people who I recommended Justin Lee's book Torn to tell me that I was being unreasonable expecting full acceptance because the book presented Side B as a legitimate stance.

I absolutely agree that there needs to be space for Side B queer people because they need support, but all I'm asking is that people recognize that yes, cishet Christians are throwing Side B in Side A people's faces and that they need to do a better job of standing against it.

I could go into a lot more about how I, and a lot of other people I know, stopped posting on the GCN/QCF message boards because we got tired of the constant badgering from Side B people who believe that same-sex relationships are sinful and wanted to argue about it.

Side A queer people are expected to respect the beliefs of Side B queer people, but too often that's a one-way street and Side B folks won't respect that there are areas where Christians can disagree and neither side is sinning.

Not all Side B queer people badger Side A, and many of them do respect Side A queer people as an area where Christians can disagree, but that doesn't change the fact that the people who do badger keep being given some kind of "weaker brother" dispensation to condemn Side A folks.

In any event, I would be carrying on with venting privately with other folks who had similar experiences if not for the fact that the whole thing spilled over onto Twitter. Perhaps since we've all sort of dropped quietly away for our mental health, people don't realize the extent

Internalized homophobia is real, and I'm not going to knock queer people for falling on Side B during the course of their journey. That said, an environment that lets Side B people bully other queer people, or that denies the reality of churches using it as a cudgel isn't healthy

With that, I'm going to try to go to sleep at a reasonable hour for once. If you found this discussion helpful and would like to buy me a coffee, I'm on Cash and Venmo as kebrightbill.
http://Cash.me/kebrightbill 
http://Venmo.com/kebrightbill