Peter: Spider-Man 101. Your spider sense will warn you about danger.

Miles: Does it ever stop? Mines is constantly on.

Peter: What? It shouldn't always be o---oooooooh!

Miles: *Sees old photo* This was you in the 90's?!

Peter: Yes.

Miles: What happened?!

Peter: Well ,this company called Amazon moved to New York... You'll understand when you start paying rent.

Peter: Are you ready to become Spider-Man, Miles? To risk it all to save lives?

Miles: Yes!

Peter: To be broke all the fucking time?!

Miles: Ye--huh?

Peter: To find yourself crying into a pillow randomly at night!

Miles: Are we-- Are we still talking bout being Spider-Man?

Miles: Whoa.!The cafeteria at Avengers Tower?!

Peter: Yeah I'ma pretty big deal around here.

Wolverine: Are you to bumming cereal again?

Peter: Shut Up, Wolverine! You know damn well the inflation on Cinnamon Toast Crunch out there is criminal!

Doc Ock: Say your prayers Spider-Ma--

Miles: MY GUY, DO ALL YOUR VILLAINS HAVE THE SAME SHITTY BARBER?!

Peter: Was there a wall full of dicks to choose that cut from, Doc?

Miles: So whats this guy's deal? He tentacle porn man or....

Spider-Man: No, he's Doctor Octopus. He just really likes octopuses? I guess?

Doc Ock: I...I'm standing right here.

Miles: So he's mad about Shark Week stealing their shine or-- I feel like my first guess was right

Peter: That's Norman Osborn. My most danger enem--

Miles: Fam, who fucked up that man's hairline?!

Peter: Kid, this guy's dangerous. He's a killer.

Miles: If someone cut my shit like that I would be too!

Peter: You B2k boy band ass Spider-Man.

Miles: Boi, if you don't get your Jake from All State Hair cut and Saved by the Bell Zach Morris with the brick phone lookin ass outta here.

Peter: *Single tear falls from eye proudly* You're ready. Now, You're Spider-man

Peter: You think you can handle being Spider-Man. You know the things I've seen? The things i've gotta live with?!

Miles: I once had to sit through an acoustic cover of Back That Ass Up on the subway.

Peter: Oh my god. You're way over qualified for this then. You'll be fine

*Avengers Cafeteria*

Miles: You're an Avenger but you still work solo?

Parker: Yeah, it's just easier for me that wa--

Hawkeye: He breaks in to do his laundry here, kid.

Peter: Shut Up, Hawkeye! This is a "I've stared in my own movie" conversation.

Norman: It's the end of the line Spider-Ma--

Miles: Fam, you got a baseball cap or MAGA hat to cover that struggle hairline up with before we start fighting? Looks like a depressing kaleidoscope.

Peter: Don't stare directly into it.