some tips for challenging and changing negative thought patterns

these ideas come from a variety of places including dbt, things i've seen other people say and apply, or my own experience. if you're curious about anything feel free to dm

and also--this isn't coming from a place of "you can just stop being mentally ill!" i've been in therapy for years and take multiple psych drugs. and i've been hospitalized twice and work in mental health. these tips won't cure you, but they really can help even in small ways

#1

stop saying you want to die as a joke. seriously, just don't do it. making jokes about suicidal ideation can feel cathartic, but continuing to repeat that just keeps your mind on suicide as a solution to problems

i stopped doing this a few months ago, and for the first time since i was 8, i really don't want to die. the internal change is astounding and something i didn't even expect

#2

similar to the last one, stop putting yourself down as a joke. self deprecating humor is definitely a big part of modern culture, but it also keeps your mind stuck. even replacing self deprecation with ironic self aggrandizement can rewire your brain

an example: say you trip and fall. instead of saying "wow i'm the most awkward uncoordinated person on earth" say something like "i am truly the epitome of grace." it conveys the same message but turns the mind away from self deprecation

#3

similar to #2, try to shift the way you talk to yourself in your head. a lot of times, when we do things we perceive as wrong or dumb or whatever, we say those things to ourself. try to find ways to acknowledge mistakes that aren't so hard on yourself

for instance, when i forget my keys or make a mistake, i've started calling myself a looney-toon. which is totally meaningless. but i smile every time i think of it and it feels like affectionately robbing myself instead of diminishing myself

#4

your negative thoughts aren't you. the part of you that tells you you're worthless or ugly is not you. try to picture this part of you as a separate entity in your mind that you can talk back to your negative thoughts

this can look like anything. it could be a monster or a tiny like judgmental elf or anything. mine is a sadistic dominatrix. if you feel so inclined, try drawing this part of yourself to make it completely separate

#5

say that you're proud of yourself. even better, write it down. say it when you do something good. say it when you get through something challenging. allow yourself to feel pride in what you do

#6

this is straight from DBT, but half smiling when you're sad or upset or angry can actually impact your mood. the same with having an open body position and sitting with your palms open and facing upward. brains are cool

you can do this with other things too. feeling sad? listen to music that makes you happy. feeling angry? do something kind for someone. doing the opposite action to what your thoughts or feelings want you to do can totally change those thoughts and feelings

#7

stop over apologizing. a lot of times, it's easier to apologize for the ways we feel we take up too much space or for our minor slip ups than for the things we really do need to be accountable for. apologize when you genuinely mean it and when it's genuinely needed

instead of apologizing, say thank you. if a thank you really isn't enough, an apology is probably due. and "i apologize" isn't enough. when you feel truly guilty, say "i'm sorry"

#8

when you start to feel an emotion, instead of saying, for instance, "i am angry" say "i'm noticing anger." if you want, go even further and notice what you're feeling in your body, what thoughts you're having, and what urges you might be experiencing

it's a pretty small change, but it provides a little distance from the intense center of an emotion and allows you to approach it more with curiosity than with fear or attachment

#9

when you're tempted to use "should," use "could" instead. "i should have made that choice" becomes "i could have made that choice" and takes some pressure off yourself. you can't change the past, and continuing to suffer because of something you can't affect is just painful.

considering what you could have done is an opportunity to acknowledge what could have been better while still validating the choice you made in the moment. we're all doing the best we can and we need to do better