Share ko lang, I once ‘dated’ this guy, madalas kami lumabas para uminom usually sa Sarah’s. Minsan 2:30 pa lang haha. Minsan after class. Umaabot kami hanggang magsara. He’s smart, funny, kahit dark humor. And oh, he writes poems.

Nagkakilala kami randomly kasi nakita niya binabasa ko tapos nagengage siya sa small talk, was surprised that he knew more than I did tungkol sa author. So yung tita niyo, na-fall, eventually.

Dumating yung point na minsan, he’ll text or call me at 11PM para samahan siya uminom, bec he needs someone to talk to daw. Medyo problematic kasi siya as a person. Ako naman, feeling ko ‘fixer’ ako. Naaattract ako sa broken, bent, and beaten.

So everyime he calls, I drop everything. Within an hour andun na ako. Not really trying to solve problems, but to listen. Just listen. Kasi feeling ko yun lang naman kailangan niya. So there I was, sitting across the table, just listening. And downing countless bottles of beer.

And then he’ll get too drunk so I always have to bring him to his home (which is about an hour from Sarahs) in the wee hours of the morning. Tapos uuwi pa ako. Tapos papasok pa kinaumagahan.

It went on like that for a few more months. Occasionally, may times din na high siya so I literally had to take care of him. Minsan, I get calls from common friends, na “hey andito si ___, and super stoned. can you help and pick him up.”

Don’t get me wrong. May times naman na masaya. We like going to the main lib and play this little game. We ask random questions and find book titles with the funniest answers - bago pa nauso cards against humanity.

Tapos, hindi ko alam bakit, pero we enjoy exploring yung mga cheap burger joints and try their different offers. I guess, out of habit kasi pag sobrang lasing siya, dun kami nagpapawala ng tama.

I was getting used to it. I was ready to fight for it. I was willing to be patient with him. After all, we love people not because they’re perfect, but because we are willing to accept them, flaws and all.

But behind all that, I kept getting anonymous text messages, which I eventually learned was from his ex of 3 years. Minsan, “hey alam mo ba na nagkikita pa rin kami” to “i flushed the book you gave him in the toilet hahaha”. Sick, right?

So I confronted him, wag ko daw pansinin. So I didn’t. No big deal, baka craxy ex lang. Consistent naman siya nagkukuwento how toxic his ex was. So naniwala ako.

So we kept seeing each other. A series of stoned, drunk, stressful meetings until we barely meet na hindi siya lasing o sabog o depressed. Not gonna lie, I was starting to get tired, pero mahal ko. So I stayed. Kasi baka naman one time, magising na siya.

One time, he called me at 1AM and wanted to meet sa isang bar sa Malingap, he wants to see me badly daw. I was doing my thesis then and had other majors pa. Finals week. Pero pumunta ako. Walang tulog, walang kain.

I got there, lasing na siya. After a few bottles, nag-CR siya. Pag balik niya, sabi niya. “My ex is here.” So I was like, “Do you wanna leave?” And he said:

“No. I think you should leave.”

It literally sent chills all over me.

Sabi ko, “Huh? What do you mean?”
Sabi niya, “Ininvite niya ako to go to the beach, we’re leaving in a while. Thanks for coming.”

Took me all the decency I have not to throw the bottle at him. I was speechless. Took a deep breath and said,

“Sure. Tapusin ko lang beer ko.”

As I was downing my beer and holding back my tears (wow it rhymes), dumating si ex sa table. And with a loud voice, exclaimed:

“Stop taking advantage of ___. Just because he’s always drunk doesn’t mean pwede mo samantalahin.”

I wanted to give a long speech. But didn’t.

Feeling ko if I opened my mouth, iiyak ako. And I won’t do that in front of them.

I stood up, took my bag and left. I kept walking and walking and wala na umiyak na ako. Kala ko sa pelikula lang yung ganong emote.

Naglalakad ako sa Malingap at 3AM. Tipsy, hungry, sleepless, drained.

Paulit-ulit ko nirereplay if totoo ba yung nangyari. How this guy, who I was willing to sacrifice anything and everything, just watched me be ridiculed by his ex.

I got home pero hindi ako pwede matulog dahil may acads pa ako. So imagine how hard it was.

Took me weeks before I had the courage to go back to KNL. I can’t stand how familiar happy places and memories are now sharp daggers that slice through your heart.

It has been years, but I was never the same. I’ve become more cautious and tentative about romantic love. I was never the same.

But boy, was it a big part of who I am today. Painful but colorful. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I never loved the same way again after him.

Minsan, ganun talaga. Pero eventually you’ll realize, it was worth it lalo na kapag nahanap mo na yung totoong pagmamahal. Yung pagmamahal na hindi pinilit at toxic.

The kind of love where you both grow together.

Okay that’s all. Sorry for the long thread.

#WattpadPresents char hahaha.

Yikes. Please wag niyo na pansinin grammatical errors haha nadala ako.

Hoy how did this blow up, baka umabot sa kanya. Huhu. Hayaan na natin masaya na siya.