Strictly doing southern Massachusetts themed material today. These jokes are for locals only.

Anyone here remember going to the Christmas Tree Shop to pick up a copy of the Patriot Ledger to read at Nantasket Beach then crashing your Jeep Wrangler into a cranberry bog? Classic stuff.

Only true south shore heads know that feel of putting your wraparound oakleys on, going go digging for steamers down Saquish with your 5 foot tall tanning bed girlfriend Megan then topping it all off by voting for Donald Trump for president

Getting out of my fucking tree off bud lights (blue bottle only or i can't drink it) at the Rustic Kitchen at Derby Street with my buddy an off duty Abington cop and my girlfriend Maura until our other buddy a Hingham cop has to come down and tell us to cut the shit.

I love to bump into David Chokachi at the bar at Sam Diego's in Plymouth then call him a queer when he won't take a photo with my shit faced cousin Shannon and her friend Shannon then selling my old gym teacher stepped on Dilaudid

Fumbling through my enormous pocketbook absolutely rip shit looking for the keys to the Ford Explorer I'm leasing and threatening the cashier at Tsang's that my brother is a fire fighter when they forget to give me any bread with my Chinese Food takeout.

I hate it when all four of my 5'11 teen boys crash their Toyota 4Runners into each other simultaneously at the Bourne Rotary firing a volley of boogie boards into the Ocean State Job Lot like missiles instantly taking out a racist grandmother smoking Kent Ultralight 100s

Told the girl at Mary Lou's my cousin Mark can get her a fakey if she ever wants to go pound a scorpion bowl at the Royal Garden but she said she had too much home work so I'm gonna go fishin off the powder point bridge with my other cousin Mark.

Shitty Mike: Megan F. said she saw your truck the other day down the Kingston Marina.
Pussy Pat: I was gonna kick the living shit out of the harbormaster
Shitty Mike: Joe Perry lives over by there.