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Y’all, I haven’t been on Twitter since July, and it’s been glorious. However, I make this special appearance because my in-laws are visiting for Thanksgiving, and there’s just too much happening not to share.
For starters, my in-laws are bomb. Last night, when Mr. Heather realized the 18lb bird wouldn’t fit in the smoker in one piece, my MIL googled “how to cut a turkey in half.”
Y’all, there are so many vids of shirtless rednecks cutting up turkeys with Sawzalls. We watched ‘em all
Y’all, there are so many vids of shirtless rednecks cutting up turkeys with Sawzalls. We watched ‘em all
First thing MIL says, after laughing, is seriously, “you guys have a sawzall, right?” LIKE SHE WAS SERIOUSLY DOWN TO TRY THIS
(We do not, unfortunately, otherwise y’all would be getting video.)
My FIL loves helping in the kitchen.
Pretty sure this is why I’m missing half the cheese I was gonna use in these mashed potatoes.
Pretty sure this is why I’m missing half the cheese I was gonna use in these mashed potatoes.
Lemme tell you, there is nothing like seeing a six-foot-six ex-trader fumble an onion in the kitchen and mutter very seriously, “Gosh darnit!!”
What do you mean, “that looks like too much food for four people”?
Y’all, my in-laws are back for Thanksgiving Round 2, which means I clearly didn’t scare them off last year. Hoo boy is this gonna be a different year.
This is already an adventure. We discovered last week that we have a mouse problem. Yesterday, an exterminator came out and set mouse traps — eight of ‘em — all around my kitchen UNDER THE CABINETS. Now taking the over/under for how long it takes for one of these to catch my toe.
The mouse — there seems to be only one — has sneaked up behind all four of us this evening to yell “boo,” prompting my FIL to spend 40 minutes attempting to put a mousetrap in my ductwork.
I also have been way too busy to actually plan this enormous meal I’m supposed to make tomorrow. My shopping list for Mr. Heather consisted of “some onions maybe? I think we need more butter”
Where I wanted to be tonight:
- one of three pies baked
- cornbread for stuffing baked
Where I am:
- look I made the pie crust dough what more do you want from me
- one of three pies baked
- cornbread for stuffing baked
Where I am:
- look I made the pie crust dough what more do you want from me
Mr. Heather just said, “I wonder how long I need to cook this turkey”
SIR
SIR
Seriously, I am a cartoon villain in a Tom and Jerry episode
8:05: Cornbread in. Coffee brewing. Anticipated dinner time: maybe tomorrow
SURPRISE! It’s too cold to smoke the turkey, so we’re going to do it in the oven. This isn’t going to mess with my schedule today AT ALL.
Turns out that forgetting you got rid of one of your two pie pans on a day you need to make three pies is not helpful. Pecan pie galette, here we come 
Pretty sure my FIL’s love language is dishwashing
Apparently sometimes sink drains just come apart while you’re washing the turkey? My entire kitchen floor is flooded with turkey juice now. The mice are using the little mouse traps as rafts.
Today we are thankful for creamed corn
You know what’s great is when you cook for four people and suddenly three additional people decide to stop by this is fine
(Update: not only was it fine, I still have leftovers enough to make turkey pot pie. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. 
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