I wonder who her father is

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername

Persistence doesn't always pay off. Nor does desperation. #noYouCantHaveMyUsername

Wait what

<voice style="auctioneer">$45K... Do I hear 50... 50... 55... Do I hear 60?</voice>

Well, at least you have #reasons

Nah bro, you too brazy.

Lowballer. #noYouCantHaveMyUsername

I dunno bro, at 16 you should be happy with chris.m.smxth

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

No, but I appreciate the politeness.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Plz
Stop
Blowing
Up
My
DMs
K
Thx
Bai

#noyoucanthavemyusername #IGChris

They get ya everything except my username.

#noyoucanthavemyusername #IGChris

Step 1: buy a Dolorean
Step 2: watch the rest of the movie, it's all explained clearly

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris #BackToTheFuture

Dude, this kid wants to give me ALL HIS CHRISTMAS MONEY for my username.

I kinda feel bad turning him down but at least he likes my pics

...(though we've previously established the ineffectiveness of flattery! )

Definitely not. Sorry bro.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Huh, funny! My name is ALSO Chris! What are the odds?!

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

I am the realist. Does that make you unrealist... ic?

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

I'm going to need to see your credentials, boss.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris #SubtleTroll

Big spender.

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

Love should always be given freely and without the expectation of getting something in return.

Don't cheapen your love, Christian. Show yourself some respect.



#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

TBH, it also has a special, emotional meaning for me too.

As in: it's my actual name.

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

No, you can't ha... wait what?

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris #copied

I think I should put javaail in touch with chriiss.d. What do you guys think? Maybe they can broker a deal?

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

Actually, why don't you go after the @roomba username?

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

It was a reasonable attempt. And hey look! Now we're recursive!

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #noYouCantHaveMyUsernameEvenIfYouAreWongMJane https://twitter.com/wongmjane/status/1089071265338421248?s=21

This, meanwhile, was an unreasonable attempt... @HarowitzBlack.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Do you think he uses hashtags like this#?

Also, his bio reads: 'Showbiz'

Mhmm. There ain't no thang like it.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

No.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

You can pray all you want but #noYouCantHaveMyUsername.

#IGChris

Gah. Now they're in my comments! They're like termites!

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

Hmm... Can I ask for annnnnythingggg?

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

Sheesh, random eh?

#noyoucanthavemyusername #igchris

I think @thechriskinney might be serious about this, though I don't know why he waveguide to see me on Jan 5, 2017.

Regardless, #noYouCantHaveMyUsername.

#IGChris

Why you don't start by not slapping people's kids and then we can have a conversation?

Otherwise, #noYouCantHaveMyUsername.

#IGChris

Hot damn. How about 1 billion dollars!?

#NoYouCantHaveMyUsername #EvenForABillionDollars #IGChris

Um. Why do you think I be the owner of @vulcano? Don't you want @chris?

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

"more than you have"

#noyoucanthavemyusername #IGChris

MINE

#noyoucanthavemyusername #IGChris

Maybe I should sell futures on my username.

#noyoucanthavemyusername #IGChris

Hmm. Tokin some weed.. That's a new one.

#noyoucanthavemyusername #IGChris

Guys, a little meta moment, but I went on the @gadgetlab podcast w/ @snackfight @LaurenGoode and @pardesoteric to talk about #IGChris and the scourge of having an OG username.

#noyoucanthavemyusername https://www.wired.com/2019/02/gadget-lab-podcast-394/

It is a nice name haha!

Not a chance, but it would be awesome.

Even with your offer of a little "expense allowance". Heh heh heh



#noYouCantHaveMyUsername

Jeezus, sending me emails now?!

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername

Uhhh. What do I look like, IG customer service?

Finally. Some respect.

It only took me 9 years.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername

I'm thinking that I'm just going to tell people that the price is in my LINK IN BIO

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername
/cc @snackfight @LaurenGoode @pardesoteric

Less random than you think, my good sir! Though it's nothing like pulling a rabbit from a hat...

(Also, SOOOO tempted to set the price at $1/follower|subscriber just to see what he'd say)

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername

I really wish all offers were this clear and polite.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

No, nope, nope and definitely can't help you with that.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

I'm not feeling very creative today. What should I tell him?

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Jesus Chris is risen

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris #IGFrenchFryChris

I just... can't.

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Oh you can offer money, can you?

Because I've never heard *that* before.



#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

It's like when you have get an idea except one year and seven months after you had the idea originally but had forgotten about it so it seems totally novel and brilliant in the present

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

#noYouCantBeInMyNoYouCantHaveMyUsernameThread
#noYouCantHaveMyUsername

When the mousetrap catches a mouse!

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Is trading IG usernames a thing?

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

No you can’t have my... grille?!

#noYouCantHaveMyUsername #IGChris

Damn this thread is...

at least I'm not the only one! #noYouCantHaveMyUsername

https://twitter.com/troni_tz/status/1193920117731663872?s=21

Hmm

FML #IGChris