What really made me sad was realizing in this state, I cannot do the thing I enjoy most, which is photographing births. You don’t know how long you’ll be there, it’s taxing af & at this point I cannot do that kind of work. And that really hurts my feelings.

Like I just wanna get strong enough to be able to do the work I want to do and I love to do. But it seem like every time I take steps to get better I get knocked back down.

A part of me feels...no, a part of me knows the reason this shit keeps happening is to keep me from trying to take on things I’m not really supposed to be doing. But it’s costing me doing what I am supposed to do; it’s like damn. How can I fix it if I can’t even get better?