The Guardian released an article saying to mitigate the worst of climate change, the US and UK need to reduce meat consumption by 90%. But all I ever hear from y'all is “Well I don’t eat that much meat anyway.” Since math is not your strong suit, let me break this down for you...

According to Forbes, the avg American will eat 222 lb of meat in 2018. That’s 0.61 lb per day (or just over ½ lb). To reduce that by 90% would mean eating 0.06 lb. That’s roughly 1 oz (or 27 g for the Europeans). Do you know what 1 oz of meat looks like? I'm glad you asked...

Four ounces of steak is the rough equivalent of a pack of cards. So cut into quarters, 1 ounce is the size of…A Single. Pat. Of. Butter. Do you see what I’m getting at? Do you see what I’m trying to say?

Here’s what all the journalists are too scared to tell you because they’re pissy ass little punks who are as much a piece a shit as you are about this—in order to save your own miserable fucking lives, you have to effectively ELIMINATE your meat consumption.

Not switch to chicken. Not switch to pork. BASICALLY. FUCKING. STOP. PERIOD. Which incidentally includes your dairy and eggs. And not in some abstract future. NOW. The clock has started.

And I don’t want to hear any bullshit passing off of responsibility. Yes, we already know ~capitalism. We already know ~corporations. THAT DOES NOT CHANGE PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY. Stop fucking whining. Corporations are not selling meat to the Keebler fucking elves. It's YOU.

And before I have to slap the shit out of anybody whispering under your breath about “Well that’s why I only eat fish,” that’s probably the WORST thing you can do. Overfishing will cause our oceans to collapse by 2048. Without oceans, it’s GAME OVER for life on this planet.

So alla y’all going on about compulsory veganism is classist…oh everyone’s body is different…and animal protein is just so complete…GO ARGUE WIT YA MOTHER. U are functionally a climate DENIER. And u live in the box with flat earthers and hoes who think vaccines cause autism.

You don’t get to believe in SOME science. And I (quite literally) DO NOT HAVE TIME. In fact, according to the papers, I only have 12 years. So everybody who I’ve been gently nudging for years, you about to get SHOVED.