38 years ago, a young man in his 20s went missing. He'd done this before. He had a drink problem.

This was my Uncle J

#WorldMentalHealthDay

He was adopted aged 3, the 9th child in an Irish family in Sligo. He had to be taught that his food wouldn't be stolen from him like it had been in the childred's home. He was the only adopted child in the family.

The older siblings were in England, so he was closest to the 3 sisters nearest in age, especially to the youngest two. In time the whole family moved to England, the farm sold. My memories of him are those of a child

There was always a flurry of excitement when he arrived, full of life, so generous. We all LOVED him. He had times when he didn't drink and he drank endless cups of tea, a thirst that couldn't be quenched

Then he stopped coming back.

Lost by one mother, then another, never to be found by either of them. His adoptive parents died. Still no contact

Over the years, his sisters searched for him, dreading finding a death certificate. No sign. We didn't even know if he was still in the country

Then, 4 weeks ago a company contacted the family to tell us he had died in July, and his body was with the Coroner in London. We couldn't find him but they could find us.

The lost boy that didn't want to be found

His sisters, blindsided by shock and grief knew they wanted to have a proper service as one last act of love. As they were paralysed by the whole thing, I realised someone had to do something and get on and organise everything.

This task, fell to me

A few days later, he was in a Chapel of Rest and we knew where he was, for the first time in 38 years. He was where I had chosen for him to be.

We have you now sweet J. We're grateful just for this. A chance to love you one final time.

We were able to piece together the last few years of his life. Something a lot of families never have a chance to do. A blessing indeed.

For the last year and a half, he lived at @lookaheadtweets I called and spoke to S, one of the wonderful human beings that work at this place

He could tell me about the J he knew, from a few weeks ago and I could share his past. Like talking through a time tunnel. I will never forget that phone call. I doubt S will either

J lived a simple life, no material things important to him. But S found 2 watches left behind (J died unexpectedly on the street), one for each of his closest sisters. Imagine? Something of his! Treasure indeed!

S confirmed he was still the sweet man we remembered and that he wished he could help him stop drinking. I said 'you can't rescue someone who doesn't want to be saved'.

You can't find someone who wants to be lost

During his time at Look Ahead, he spent 6 months in a psychiatric unit. S was very discreet, but putting 2 and 2 together, poor J had been struggling with severe mental health issues. I'm guessing that's why the drinking started

I then spoke to a Priest who had known J when he was living @PassageCharity
He knew J well and confirmed the issues he'd had over the years. I asked if he thought J left the family to protect us from his problems

The Priest said he spoke very highly of his family, we were good people. There was no bitterness at all. He agreed that there would have been pressure being part of such a respectable family, bearing in mind his struggles

Poor J had spent his whole life on a long suicide mission, but he was born of tough stock. His body carried him into his 60s

We don't know what his first years were like in the home. And his life started with rejection.

I don't judge his mother of course, it was Ireland. In the 1950s

He never married or had children, choosing not burden anyone with the demons he had wrestled with all his life

Lost boy. Lost Man. Lost soul

Found at last

Sometimes people choose to be lost. You may have loved them enough, but they had their reasons to leave

This is dedicated to all those people who have lost a precious person. And to the tortured souls who can find no comfort in the love of those around them.

#WorldMentalHealthDay

Thank you to those at @PassageCharity and @lookaheadtweets who took care of J when we couldn't and support others like him every single day.

We'll be making a donation to both of you

The service is tomorrow. Wish me luck!