If #Nigeria and #Ghana entered into a #Jollofwar faceoff, Ghana would definitely win! Not because their jollof is better (its not even close!), but because Nigeria will go all out to sabotage its own chances. Let me paint the picture for you

A #Jollofwar thread

1) First and foremost, a neutral, non jollof English speaking African venue is needed. The shortlist: #Uganda, #Tanzania, and #Zambia. Due to its beautiful beaches, which provide a fantastic backdrop for the culinary confrontation, Tanzania is chosen

#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

2) Each country will have to bring a plate of the best jollof it can provide. The dish will be scored for taste, aroma and presentation. The catch is, the dish must be cooked right there! Each team will be given 2 weeks to prepare

#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

3) As soon as the instructions are given, #Ghana will begin open trials, recording all the cooking, and getting scientific. They will make sure that if someone gets the perfect taste, they will have all the information on condiments, time and methods
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

4) #Nigeria will be spoilt for choice, the competition should be intense. The talent will come from such catering strongholds as Isale-Eko, Onikolobo, Felele; to name a few. The guardians of the big iron pot are ready to serve their country!
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

5) #Nigeria however, will do the opposite. Rather than select its best jollof rice makers from the places mentioned; they will start looking for slay queen chefs that can only cook for the amount of time it takes to record an instagram video
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

6) #Nigeria's focus will shift from preparation of the food, to the presentation paparazzi. The will be choreography, fireworks, complete routine of calisthenics and acrobatics, just to serve rice.....
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

7) The politicians will say that the cooking crew must contain a member form each tribe. The other tribes say that is not necessary, as the yorubas have Jollof on lock, but the politicians insist on federal character and insist on all tribes
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

8) By this time, #Ghana have decided on a recipe, and they have decided to garnish it with vegetables. They are a bit nervous, as they have heard about the $1m the government of #Nigeria allocated for the project. the president reassures the people..
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

9) The day is approaching, #Nigeria's budget has gone up to $4m and the delegation to Zanzibar, Tanzania, consists of 1,500 delegates on 10 flights. #Ghana is sending just 12 people. The 5 cooks, protocol and press officers, and a delegation leader.
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

10) D-Day! The teams arrive. The stage is set. #Ghana prepares their plate of Jollof and present it to the judges. The judges give it a decent score for taste, but think the presentation is a bit simple...
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

11) Time for #Nigeria... Fireworks, choreography, and even a performance by the mavins herald the arrival of the Nigerian team consisting of 254 cooks from every tribe. The team cannot decide who will cook, and time expires
#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar

12) Once again, Nigeria have provided a spectacle, but no substance. Since #Nigeria provided no rice, #Ghana win the #Jollof #War by default...

#NigeriaVsGhana #JollofWar