My Love letter to Christian White men.....
I have a message for Christian white men about the lessons that you taught me.

I am going to start with me. White Christian men are really all I know. I am a white middle class suburban girl from a ‘nice’ family, so it was all I was exposed to. I have loved you all my life.

Every significant man in my life was a white man. Very different level of religiosity, but all self-identifying as Christian, at least culturally. I tell you this so you understand – this is not a “my one man friend” I have a lifetime of loving and being loved by men.

When I refer to ‘men’ in this thread – Christian White Men are who I am referring to and when I tell you that it is you that has the problem, know I say this out of love.

Firstly, men were my authority figure. At the pulpit, on the news, in the parliament, in my home. It was you telling me what my view of my world should be. It was always you.

The things that you get the most upset about us saying about you, you taught us. Like that men are animals and cannot be trusted. I didn’t learn this lesson from other women, but from men. From my father and brother, from my boyfriends and mates, from the pulpit.

I also learnt from hearing how you talked about women when you thought you were in your mythical “locker room” and we couldn’t hear.

Now, from other women, I learnt that men were my ticket to social status. Security and success. They weren’t telling me how awful you were. That was other men.

One of the things taught to me by the men in authority was that women were too emotional for command and leadership. This is not exactly true is it? Men are just as emotional; the problem is range.

If anger is the only emotion you have, and you cannot control it, then you are too emotional for leadership. If a person expressing any emotion other than anger makes you uncomfortable, then you are too stunted in your emotions to be a leader.

You also taught us to accept violence against us. To quote Peanuts (for goodness sake!) “he liked the little red-haired girl so much he punched her in the nose”. You taught us that violence against us was a compliment.

You never taught the boys that. They were taught to fight back. Stand up for themselves. Not us. We were expected to be lady like and polite. Can you see how this message has damaged us? This message came from you.

We were taught that even though men were bigger and stronger than us, we were responsible for their behavior. What we wore, where we went, if we drank. We had to control our environment – because it would always be our fault that we were attacked.

We were taught by men that complete strangers could tell us what to do with our bodies – smile for example or touch us without permission. And that they would get angry if we were rude enough not to comply. Almost like it was their body to control, not ours.

But men could not control their own bodies, so if we got in the way of their urge – it was on us. Way to dehumanize yourself, men.

The worst bit is it was a total lie. We were attacked in our homes, workplaces, schools & churches. It didn’t matter what we wore. We couldn’t control the environment. The ask of women always impossible, the bar for men always too low. Excuses and blame too easy to put on women.

When we were attacked, we were taught excuses for the men. Why it was ok for men to put their hands on my body. “you misinterpreted” “he meant no harm” “are you sure?” “you are over reacting”.

We were also taught that the reputation and earning capacity for a man was much more important than us. If a man transgressed against a woman, she should take into consideration his situation. This happens still, our trauma is a distant second to the man’s reputation.

We were taught that out value would be diminished if we were attacked by a man. We were no longer pure and virtuous, even though we were powerless.

We were taught that we are walking temptation – and this was taught everywhere, not just church. I was taught that my value was in my sexuality and all that entailed. I needed to display my sexuality, but not too much. It was men who dictated how I would be valued and used.

Then there is this ‘false accusation’ narrative. This is horrible. Mostly because the ratio of men who get away with sexual assault is outrageously higher than any amount of women who falsely report. But mostly because we are taught that a man reputation and career are paramount

Now to all the “omg what about women who blame other women” yeah – I get that. There is a culture of “I don’t have to run faster than the bear, just faster than you” in that. Same with the “careful what you wear” – cause basically this is saying, let him assault someone else.

I am not going to further address this because these women haven’t been shaping public policy forever – that was men. Men held the authority and they taught us to fear them while all I wanted to do was love them.

So, men: It is time for you to unlearn these lessons yourselves, then change your message to us. Be prepared to take a cold hard look at your demographic and stop defending them as a reflex. Perhaps be prepared to share power and be honest. Really honest.

The truth is that women don't hate men - certainly not in any way that really affects your life. Mostly we love men. We'd just like to not fear men.