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what do u get when u cross a centipede and a parrot?
a walkie talkie
a walkie talkie
what is pigs favorite ballet?
the swine lake
the swine lake
what do u call it when batman skips church?
christian bale
christian bale
why didnt the toilet paper cross the road?
it got stuck in a crack
it got stuck in a crack
what did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race??
ketchup
ketchup
what do u call a sleep walking nun?
a roaming catholic
a roaming catholic
what do u call a nosey pepper????
Jalapeño business
Jalapeño business
what did the big bucket say to the smaller bucket?
looking a little pail there
looking a little pail there
why did the bicycle fall over?
it was two tired
it was two tired
What do u call a 3 hump camel?
Pregnant
Pregnant
why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team???????
she kept running from the ball
she kept running from the ball
what did the first casket say to the second coffin?
is that you coffin
is that you coffin
Why was the little strawberry crying?
His mother was in a jam
His mother was in a jam
What do u call a pony with a cough?
A little hoarse
A little hoarse
What do cows most like to read?
Cattle-logs
Cattle-logs
Who does a pharaoh talk to when hes sad?
His mummy
His mummy
What did the chip say when he saw the cheese stealing?
Hey, that's Nachos.
Hey, that's Nachos.
what did the baby corn say to mama corn???
where's pop corn
where's pop corn
how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
ten tickles
ten tickles
What do u call a T-Rex that has been beaten up?
A Dino-Sore
A Dino-Sore
did you know that dogs cant do MRI scans but catscan?
where do u learn to make ice cream?
at sundae school
at sundae school
What did the hat say to the one in the closet?
Wait right here, I'll go on a head.
Wait right here, I'll go on a head.
why did the woman name her dog frost?
bcz frost bites
bcz frost bites
Why did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut
He knew a shortcut
I got called for a carpentry interview the other day. I had to demonstrate my skills on a piece of wood.
I start on Wednesday so it's safe to say I nailed it
I start on Wednesday so it's safe to say I nailed it
My fren was telling me that his gloves got stolen the other day
I guess you could say they fell into the wrong hands
I guess you could say they fell into the wrong hands
Not my joke but worthy enough to add to my thread.
I heard that if u boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's what u call humerus
I heard that if u boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's what u call humerus
When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent
When they need to vent
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod
Pick a cod, any cod
What kinda music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music
Wrap music
I was trying to tell a chemistry joke earlier but guess what?
I got no reaction
I got no reaction
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
It was soda pressing
It was soda pressing
Who is the leader of the corn army?
The kernel
The kernel
What does the buffalo say when his boy leaves for school?
Bison
Bison
this girl messaged me the other day saying she saw me at a vegetarian bar, i found that weird bcz ive never seen herbivore
what did the grape say when it got stepped on?
ntn, it just let out a little wine
ntn, it just let out a little wine
why was the stadium so cold?
bcz it had too many fans
bcz it had too many fans
why did the french team keep scoring own goals?
tou-louse
tou-louse
why did the white bear dissolve in water?
because it was polar
because it was polar
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four chin teller
A four chin teller
How long does it take to know if a pair of underwear fits well?
Just a brief moment
Just a brief moment
Fren: demar why are you sitting in the corner when u have a cold?
Me: bcz most corners are 90 degrees
Me: bcz most corners are 90 degrees
whats a belt made of watches called?
a waist of time
a waist of time
why do mountains never play hide and seek?
bcz they are always peaking
bcz they are always peaking
was talking to my chemistry buddy the other day and he was telling me that he was positive that he had just lost an electron, so i had to remind him to keep his ion it
how did the spaghetti chef die?
he pasta away
he pasta away
Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one
In case he got a hole in one
How do snails fight?
They slug it out
They slug it out
Did yâall hear about the spider that got this cool job at google?
Mans an expert at web designing
Mans an expert at web designing
How does a lawyer get where heâs going?
He makes A-turn-ey
He makes A-turn-ey
Did yâall hear about the population Ireland?
Word on the street is that itâs Dublin
Word on the street is that itâs Dublin
How do u get a tissue to dance?
You put a little boogie into it
You put a little boogie into it
What do you call an unpredictable camera?
A loose cannon
A loose cannon
how do rabbits travel?
by hareplanes
by hareplanes
so a turtle was crossing the road when he's mugged by two snail. the popo shows up and ask him what happened, the turtle replies, "i don't know officer, it all happened so fast"
https://twitter.com/demzgunner/status/1254512142029643778?s=21 https://twitter.com/demzgunner/status/1254512142029643778
what do u call an Afghan virgin?
never been laid on
never been laid on
Did yâall hear the joke about the hungry 50?
58
58
mi lungs cyaa manage
what do u call a man that irons clothes?
iron man
iron man
You should never fart in apple store
Why u ask?
Bcz they have no windows
Why u ask?
Bcz they have no windows
Whatâs the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment
Why did the photo go to jail?
Bcz he was framed
Bcz he was framed
Why donât eggs tell jokes?
Because they crack up too easily
Because they crack up too easily
What do u call snobby criminal going down the stairs?
A con descending
A con descending
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldnât see himself doing it
He couldnât see himself doing it
What kind of dog doesnât bark?
A hush puppy
A hush puppy
What do u call a herd of sheep tumbling down a hill?
A lambslide
A lambslide
What do u get if you cross a smurf with a cow
Blue cheese
Blue cheese
Why are fish so easy to weigh?
Bcz they have their own set of scale
Bcz they have their own set of scale
I use to be a banker yuh zeen but then I lost interest
https://twitter.com/demzgunner/status/1270195150376112130?s=21 https://twitter.com/demzgunner/status/1270195150376112130
Did u hear about the king sperm that was good at maths?
His name was sir cumference
His name was sir cumference
What does Sean Paul says to his electrician?
Just gimmi the light
Just gimmi the light
What rapper is always in a tool box?
Plies
Plies
So whatâs the difference between a glue a tuna and a piano?
You can tune a piano but you canât piano a tune
Ooh the glue? I knew youâd get stuck on that
You can tune a piano but you canât piano a tune
Ooh the glue? I knew youâd get stuck on that
What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?
Kilometer Cyrus
Kilometer Cyrus
How do you know if an ant is a male or a female?
They all females or else they would be uncles
They all females or else they would be uncles
Did yâall hear that stever Harvey and his wife got into a fight the other day?
Apparently it was a family feud
Apparently it was a family feud
Why didnât the cheese want to get sliced?
Bcz it had grater plans
Bcz it had grater plans
