It’s Labor Day, so here’s a little thread on emotional labor: work that’s done almost exclusively by women and nearly always goes unnoticed.

And yes, men do all kinds of labor too. Congratulations. My recognizing that here is emotional labor performed on your behalf.

Here we go

Emotional labor is, essentially, all the small tasks undertaken to effectively manage the people around you. If that sounds vague, it’s because it is, and it’s hard to explain. Emotional labor takes place at home, at work, in public, anywhere you interact with other people. /2

It goes unnoticed because it’s women’s work, and it’s expected of them without being expected of men. Men get trophies for performing emotional labor. Women are rude, lazy, bitches for not performing it. A man who plans play dates is a prize, a woman who doesn’t is a bad mom. /3

It’s emotional IQ. It’s consideration, thoughtfulness, mindfulness, helpfulness, tone, etc. It’s adding a smiley face to your emails so you don’t seem too harsh. It’s being the one who organizes secret Santa, who changes the coffee filter and wipes the breakroom countertop. /4

It’s knowing there’s a kid on the team with a peanut allergy. It’s being the default emergency contact for the school. It’s being the one to arrange child care for half days (and knowing when they are!). It’s feeling guilty when you forget your child’s friend’s mom’s name. /5

It’s constantly couching to avoid offense. It’s prefacing with, “I think, I’m just, I might.” It’s constant apologizing. It’s empathy in all things, including criticism, so carefully disclaiming every statement that there’s hardly any meaning left at all. /6

It’s being a therapist for every man in proximity, supporting male friends, colleagues and family members in difficult times knowing full well that the same complaints voiced to them would be uncomfortable, overly emotional, and redirected to another female capable of advising./7

It’s lauding men who perform small bits of emotional work. Lionizing single dads. Praising the husband who buys tampons. It’s receiving a house cleaning service as a gift. It’s smiling when you’re sad to avoid making others uncomfortable. It’s being a happy assistant. /8

None of these things may seem important to you, but if you’re a woman, you know them well. You know they’re expected and that its EXHAUSTING.

So happy Labor Day ladies. Here’s to hoping you can guiltlessly enjoy a few moments worrying about only yourself today.

Fucking cheers.