A twitter thread in which I drag every single US president in order:

George Washington: Dude was a shit-ass general who owned slaves and when the working class realized that they were getting the same shit ass deal as before under the British and rose up, Washington came down on them like a ton of bricks to secure power.

John Adams: you want somebody who hates freedom of speech. Adams signed a bill saying you couldn’t talk shit about him, and made it harder to become a citizen (though not as hard as it is today). In fairness though, he didn’t own slaves, this is going to be a rarity going forward

Thomas Jefferson: Motherfucker owned slaves, and was a rapist, committed forced removal against Native Americans. Started an actual war in North Africa and a trade with with Britain that would eventually escalate into an actual war.

James Monroe: Expansionist imperialist. Owned slaves. Set in motion the first of many centrist compromises (Missouri) with slavers who had absolutely no intention of keeping in good faith. Presided over an economic crash and tried to raise tariffs to fix thing, making it worse.

JQA: Nothing. He didn’t own slaves, and opposed slavery. Built actual infrastructure. He tried to deal fairly with Native Americans even when shit-ass generals were trying to fuck them over. Had an absolute garbage VP of John C. Calhoun.

Andrew Jackson: Ohhhhhh my god. This absolute motherfucker garbage president. Literally committed genocide. Owned slaves, gave govt. jobs to people who gave him money. Decided that a central bank was a bad idea and closed it in 1837, breaking the entire economy.

Martin Van Buren: continued all of Jackson’s shit-ass policies. Oversaw one of many 19th century Great Depressions but didn’t do shit because the free market and letting every bank print their own money would fix it magically.

William Henry Harrison: did nothing and died of pneumonia after a month.

John Tyler: Did absolutely fucking nothing even though the country was still in the middle of a depression that the free market was supposed to magically fix. Vetoed tariff bills that would protect the nascent industrializing northwest in favor of the agrarian south.

James K. Polk: Dragged the United States into an unpopular imperialist war on false pretenses by deliberately provoking other countries and claiming innocence when retaliated against.

Zachary Taylor: Drank milk, ate cherries, died shitting himself.

Millard Filmore: Presided over a shit-ass compromise over slavery that depended on reactionary slave owners being willing to abide by an agreement they had no intention of keeping. Pushed for the blatantly unconstitutional fugitive slave act.

Franklin Pierce: Pro-slavery shithead who presided over a shit-ass compromise over slavery in Nebraska that depended on reactionary slave owners being willing to abide by an agreement they had no intention of keeping. Said compromise turned Kansas into a bloodbath.

James Buchanan: Leaned on the Supreme Court to rule in slavery’s favor on Dred Scott v. Sanford. Did absolutely nothing beyond appeasement about the slave slates who were becoming increasingly hostile and demanding. Most of his cabinet would join the Confederacy later.

Abraham Lincoln: Picked Andrew Johnson as his VP as a reasonable compromise with the people who wanted to sue for peach with the south. Died too soon.

Andrew Johnson: Botched Reconstruction, didn’t enforce protections for former slaves, allowed the south to put the same people who caused the war back into power, causing a reactionary movement that led to the proto-fascist KKK being formed.

Ulysses S. Grant: Did a lot of good but his cabinet was corrupt as shit. At the beginning of his second term he caused an economic crash on far with the Great Depression and completely botched the recovery.

Rutherford B. Hayes: Killed Reconstruction. Sent in the troops to massacre striking workers.

James Garfield: He was a good boy. Good night sweet prince, you were shot by a guy who thought that you shouldn’t have to actually be good at your job to be in high level government positions.

Chester A. Arthur: Signed the Chinese Exclusion Act which was the first kind of immigration restriction and as the name implies, pretty fuckin racist. It was passed because ppl blamed the economy shitting itself in 1873 on Chinese ltaking their jobs.”

Grover Cleveland part 1: Libertarian dipshit who vetoed pensions for civil war vets. Like other libertarian dipshits, he was an advocate of the gold system, which favored businesses over regular people.

Benjamin Harrison: Annexed Hawaii after a coup led by Dole Pineapple and C&H sugar. Kept tariffs high, making everything in the US expensive as all fuck. Did jack shit to stop the Pinkertons from massacring striking steel workers.

Grover Cleveland part 2: Presided over an economic crash in 1893. Thought sending in the troops to shoot striking railroad workers was a totally cool and good idea.

William McKinley: In the pocket of big business. Led the United States into a war with Spain under false pretenses based on breathless and selective reporting. Had a good time at the world’s fair.

Teddy Roosevelt: Did some good busting trusts and monopolies with his big dick energy. Discovered that if you bait the media with “access” they’ll eat up whatever shit you say. Had a lot of policies that were racist as shit, like banning all Japanese ppl from entering the US.

William Howard Taft: Was in the pockets of big business. Didn’t do shit about advancing the civil rights of African-Americans and was in many ways a step back from TR who told racist white ppl who didn’t want to deal with black officeholders to suck his d.

Woodrow Wilson: Ohhhhhh my god. Dude was like super fucking racist. So racist that his election emboldened racists enough where they literally revived the KKK. His AG, Palmer, loved to deport leftists for no reason. There’s so much shit about Wilson I can’t fit it into 280 chars.

Warren G. Harding:
“how many levels of corruption are you on?”
“like 5 or 6.”
“You are like baby. Watch this!”
Unabashedly and openly sucking off big business when he was president, calling unions a conspiracy. Sold oil reserves to private cos he was buds with without bidding.

Calvin Coolidge: The Pence to Harding’s Trump. Even more in the pocket of big business that Harding, but didn’t fuck like Harding. Believed in laissez faire capitalism because the stock market is great and is definitely going to go up forever and this is totally sustainable.

Herbert Hoover: remember when I said the stock market would go up forever? lol. Thought the free market would fix itself magically. Also deported millions of Mexicans because clearly this depression is being caused by Mexicans taking American jobs, so what if they’re US citizens?

FDR: interned Japanese-Americans in camps for no reason. Didn’t bother pushing for anti-lynching legislation. Didn’t do enough to stop the holocaust or support Jewish refugees fleeting the Nazis.

Harry Truman: Pulled a bunch of convention shenanigans to get the VP nomination in 1944 over Henry Wallace. Ordered the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki which is a straight up war crime no matter how you slice it.

Eisenhower: Overthrew the Iranian govt in favor of the Shah. Built the interstate highway system as a big gimme to the oil, automotive, and real estate industries. Started the US down the path for the Vietnam War, told pres Diem to cancel the agreed upon unification referendum.

JFK: invaded Cuba and failed. Tried to assassinate Castro a bunch and failed at it. Had jack shit for domestic policy, and his own missile gap rhetoric caused the Cuban missile crisis along with the aforementioned failed invasion and assassination attempts.

LBJ: Had big dick energy to pass Medicare, Medicaid, and war on poverty. Had small dick energy on foreign policy and to compensate for it he dragged the United States into a war under false pretenses based on breathless and selective reporting of the Tonkin Gulf incident.

Richard Nixon: created the southern strategy and stoked racial tensions. Sabotaged the peace negotiations for Vietnam in order to get elected, then prolonged the war. Bombed the shit out of Laos and Cambodia for no real reason. Also watergate.

Gerald Ford: pardoned ^

Jimmy Carter: Began a long tradition of democratic candidates moving to the right to appeal to conservatives, only to get spat in the face and appeasing them by moving to the right even more. Stabbed labor in the back with deregulation.

Ronald Reagan: This absolute motherfucker. Collaborated to delay the Iranian hostage crisis in order to sabotage Carter and win the election. Ran a campaign of racist dogwhistling. Committed light treason with Iran-Contra.

GHWB: also ran a campaign of racist dogwhistling but the other guy looked funny wearing a tank helmet. Dragged the US into a war with Iraq after Bush’s ambassador accidentally told Hussein we wouldn’t have a problem with him invading Kuwait.

Clinton: Stabbed POC in the back with the “Sister Soulja Moment,” superpredator remarks, 1994 omnibus crime bill which increased mass incarceration. 1996 telecommunications act that allowed for huge amounts of media consolidation. Econ policy was a bunch of neoliberal horseshit.

GWB: even more privatization, disaster capitalism industrial complex. Got the US into another war on false pretenses based on breathless and selective media coverage. His VP shot a guy in the face and the guy he shot apologized. Crashed economy in 2008.

Obama: tried to fix economy by bailing out those on top only, making the problem worse and not addressing the root causes. Capitulation to reactionaries acting in bad faith undermined any real attempt at meaningful reform, causing erosion of left wing support base.

Trump: racist reactionary who’s policies would give Charles Coughlin a raging hardon. Got rid of the racist dogwhistling in favor of open racism.

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Also for those asking about Latin American interventions, this thread is a mostly comprehensive overview of them: https://twitter.com/instantsunrise/status/1011991108371410944